Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
January 27, 2015
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
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Betty Ford Center
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
Judge sentences Michelle to four Semesters of her own School Menu

Washington, DC—A Federal D.C. Circuit Judge ruled against the first lady today in the case of Brown Something vs the Bored of Mashed Potatoes. As a result, the First Lady will be subjected to four semesters of her own lunch menu from Lincoln Middle School on West 16th Street. The meals will be delivered to the White House by a sheriff appointed by the court and each weekday the meal will be consumed in the presence of said Sheriff.

Republicans are calling this a major victory on the War on Tater Tots, but the President expressed his outrage today, "This is an outrage and it is today," said Obama, wholly endorsing the narrative. "You think republicans are mad about the amount of vacations we normally go on, huh? Until this court stipulation thing is over you can find us at Camp Maui."


Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

News on climate change is reaching a fevered pitch. We are currently being flooded with information that both confirms and confounds the whole climate debate, pardon the pun. But let’s give Pope Francis some credit. Earlier this week His Holiness the Lib admitted climate change is primarily "man’s fault" and he’s hoping for serious measures to protect the planet at this year’s Paris conference. What next, Pope and Trade?


The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
By Tony Ballz
Tony Ballz

I was eager to tune in. To tell the truth, I barely turn the damn thing on anymore. Well, for anything besides basketball, South Park, The Daily Show, Rio Bravo on AMC (again), reruns of NewsRadio, Cheers and Gilmore Girls or the hilarious cleaned-up Sopranos on A&E. And wouldn't you know it, an overly sanitized Pump up the Volume is on WGN right before tonight's broadcast. YES! Happy Harry Hardon! They should have burned the place down at the end, like in Rock & Roll High School.


Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Check out Salon and Edwyn Lyngar’s latest article The Angry Right’s Secret Playbook. It’s an interesting, yet frustrating read. Lyngar, a former republican, suggests liberals have a monopoly on the better ideas but that they need to adopt some of the right’s tactics to win the ideological debates of our time. I would rather lose elections than act like Sean Hannity for five minutes—unless it’s during a Discord News parody bit and I can coax Tina Fey into playing Sarah Palin.


Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!

Cable Land—A local cable provider near you is offering a reality-show package deal for all those considering a career in the reality arts. The journey starts on the wildly popular Fear Factor. Once you’re scared enough, you’ll be stripped and deposited Naked and Afraid on some remote island. There, you will likely contract something bad, which will manifest on the third stop of our reality tour, Monsters Inside of Me. After your innards are no longer a topic of interest for our television viewers, you’ll head over to Moonshiners, where it is hoped copious amounts of white lightening will help kill your infection, whatever it might be.


A Tale of Two Stations
By Tony Ballz
Tony Ballz

Here in scenic historic whitebread Flagstaff, I believe it is one's civic duty to improve one's surroundings however one can in order to make one's community more ... umm, human? Tolerable? Not sucky? What's the opposite of depressing? I'm currently involved with two radio stations, one imaginary (sort of) and one real (sort of).


Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
Kansas to be Divided into Neighboring States

Topeka, KS—Not only is Topeka known for the "fag hating" Westboro Baptist church, it is also the home to the poster-child for republicana, Sam Brownback. Governor Brownback told the press today, "The state of Kansas will be divided and subsumed by our four neighboring states. This is not a negative reflection on conservative economic policies. This is all part of a larger plan to make Puerto Rico a state and keep America’s overall number of states at a nice even 50."

The Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, weighed in on the news. "I have never been more grateful for the Oklahoma panhandle than I am today. That tiny strip of land is keeping Texas from having to support parts of that shit show of a place. This will shift the burden of this failed state to Oklahoma, Nebraska, Colorado and uh...um...The fourth one, uh, I can’t. Sorry. Oops."

Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 
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Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 
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With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 
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Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 
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Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 
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Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
Live From The Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 
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Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 
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Dated Discord
Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations

Tampa Bay, Fla—After announcing his presidential bid, Jeb Bush promptly resigned from the Board of Directors of Barclay’s, a multinational bank, Rayonier, one of the nation’s largest private landowners, and Tenet Healthcare Corporation. This week the Bush camp followed up these moves by severing ties with Cyberdyne, creators of artificial cyborgs, Soylent Corp., a cannibalistic offshoot of Monsanto, and Umbrella Systems, best known for a number of bio-weaponry and genetic engineering "mishaps". Oh, and whatever the hell that company was from 28 Days Later.

Bush is claiming there is no correlation between his running for president and his decision to break all ties to these evil conglomerates. "I have no quarrel with any of these fine institutions, nor am I questioning their business practices," said Bush. "These companies are the champions of industry and represent the very finest aspects of American entrepreneurialship, except maybe that turning-dead-people-into-food part."


Is Anyone Outside of Fox Surprised "The Pause" and "Climategate" Are Both Bullshit?
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Is anyone else getting a little sick of the actions of rightwing climate denialists? I haven’t seen a group so doggedly wrong about something since whatever the hell was on Fox News yesterday. Sure you’re always wrong, but this is the issue you will be damned for. Mark my words, history will eventually take all those single quotes Matt Drudge keeps putting around the words ‘climate change’ and stuff them up his fat [bleep].


What President John Q. Republican Would Do "from Day One" in 2016
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

I don’t think we have to worry about a republican president anytime soon, but let’s contemplate an elephant in the White House. Let’s watch this scenario play out and see what he or she would do from day one. But let’s take this sneak peak from the relative safety of a nearby parallel dimension —preferably the far end of said parallel dimension.


Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision
Obama Flip Flops on The Interview Decision

Washington, D.C.—President Barack Obama changed his mind today on Sony’s decision to air The Interview in theaters across America. Upon watching the Rogen/Franco production, Obama announced, "I think Sony initially had it right and I am denouncing this movie in the strongest possible terms."

Republicans immediately accused the President of flip-flopping and of being "weak on humor". John Q. Republican said, "This is a slippery slope. What about Chaplin’s Great Dictator or Borat’s not-so-great one? What about Sausage Party? If they all go, then you can say goodbye to Zoolander, and I refuse to let that happen, not while I am an American Senator who ran on family values and equality while banging most of the help."


Al Gore Stokes Anti Heat Miser Rhetoric
Al Gore Stokes anti Heat Miser Rhetoric

The Frozen North—Al Gore is at it again. Our favorite former Vice President is back in the news today after taking on the Heat Miser head on. Gore claims the Heat Miser’s little heat demons are working overtime to warm parts of the Arctic and Antarctic. "The Miser’s in clear violation of basic Labor & Industry Standards and his actions are undeniably contributing to global warming," said Gore.

The Heat Miser is refusing to release important HR files and replied to the request by sending a series of fire balls hurling toward Al Gore’s mansion. "Nice try," said Gore, "but most of your energy was captured by my impressive array of solar panels. It will keep me in cognac hot totties for months!"


Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
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Why Don’t Folks Like the ACA? It’s Bullshit, Stupid
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Someone recently asked me, "Why do you have such a visceral response toward people who simply have a different view than yours?" I responded, "Visceral response?" and then proceeded to throw up on her shoes. It’s not the views, it’s not even the disturbingly low levels of consciousness involved, it’s how fear and propaganda are being used in a coordinated way to warp reality itself. There’s no better example than the Affordable Care Act, which is known to conservatives as Obama’s End of Freedom Initiative.

Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts?
Isn't It Time to Disband Sith Majorette Tryouts? The fact the wounds are cauterized as they occur changes little.
The fact the wounds are cauterized as they occur changes little.
 
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N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
N. Korea Vows to Unleash Rare Edition Charzard on U.S.
 
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Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit
Local Man Has “Explanation” for Rectum Firework ER Visit; Well, it’s better than last year's jockstrap M80 incident
Well, it’s better than last year's jockstrap M80 incident
 
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The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 The Daily Discord Vows to Drop the Ball in 2015
 
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So What If the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?
So What if the Majority Whip Spoke to White Supremacists?  I was impressed by the complete sentences.
I was impressed by the complete sentences.
 
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The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
The Bush Administration Did Get Something Right
 
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Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
Developing: Obama Set to Unveil New Keystone Pipeline Plan
 
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Discord Videos
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
Westboro Baptist Church Vs. The Daily Discord and GOD
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S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
S.T.Q. EP 2: The Ghosts of Oatman
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 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
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Decrepit Discord
 Atheist Activists Can Learn a Lot From the Burgermeister
 Rogen and Franco Sent to N. Korea to Explain "Misunderstanding"
 Statler and Waldorf Weigh in on Torture
 Coach, What Do We Do If Stanton Can't Play?
 Final Thoughts on Ferguson, Torture, and Beyond
 Zano Hacks Rogen!
 Final Thoughts on the Culture War Zano Debate
 Big Government Is Bad but Big Government Torture Is Glug, Glug, Great!
 Pokey V Zano: Our Culture War for Dummies
 Einstein’s Special Theory of Terrortivity
 Conservative Think Tank Discovers Way to Get Plastic Bags Right From Your Store to a Dolphin's Face
 GOP Turns Focus of Benghazi Investigation to Giant Rock Near Spain
 Fox News Reacts to Allegations of Torture
 Lack of Evidence Only Emboldens Benghazi Truthers
 Polarization Nation Watch
 The Grand Old Potty
 Republicans Accuse God of Being "Weak on Terror"
 Final Biblical Prophecy Fulfilled!
 Dems Distance Themselves Further From Strengthening Economy
 Team S.T.Q. Asked to Hunt Down Vlad the Impala?
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 Obama Uses Executive Order to Overrule Turkey Pardon
 Cranky Crank’s Damage Repair
 The GOP: Putting the ID Back Into Ideology
 Interview With the Zanblogger
 Fat Albert and Several Cosby Kids Allege Cosby Abuse
 Stay Calm and Daily Discord
 Charlie Manson Upgrades Forehead Tattoo
 Discord’s Scotland Independence Post Deemed a Hoax
 Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!
 Bush Senior: Wakes up Every Morning in Cold Sweat Asking, "Is George Jr Still in Charge?"
 Reptilican Virus Spreading in the Elderly
 Adults...Shouldn't We Just Keep Electing Them?
 Zano’s 21 Day of Self-Imposed Ebola Isolation Deemed 'Job Avoidance' Stunt
 Before the Most Interesting Man in the World...
 The Ebola Spring
 Somehow This Captures the Essence of the Midterms
 High Life in the Pines Indie Music Festival: Featuring Lit
 Post Midterms: Discord Reaches Potty Humor Capacity
 Zano: Inconsolable, Sobbing and Refusing to Leave Local Bar
 Republicans Seize the Dung! Crape Diem?
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
 Congressman’s Protest in Front of Library Ends Poorly
 Typhoid Kaci? Will Obama Authorize Drone Strike on Quarantine-Violating Nurse?
 Jack Primus Thwarts Conservative Attempt to Reanimate Undead Voters
 Introducing the President and Vice President of the United States!
 Please Find Literate Folks to Defend the Constitution
 Second Hanks Lawsuit in As Many Weeks
 A Confused Canada Challenges ISIS to Pick up Hockey Game
 CDC Downplaying Ebola Victims Sudden Craving for Human Flesh
 Let’s Do the Time Warp Again
 Discord Endorses Warren Webb Ticket!
 Is the Constitution Obsolete in This Zano Nation?
 Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies"
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
 Discord Fast Approaching One Ad Per One Lawsuit Ratio
 Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India
 Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
 Alternate Universe Vindicates Bush
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