Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
October 21, 2014
OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS • TOP LIBERALS STRESS DIPLOMACY WHEN NEGOTIATING WITH EBOLA VIRUS •
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Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Kallisti Publishing
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
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Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India
Hundreds Washed to Sea During Cyclone Protest in India

Hyderbad, India—Thousands came out to the eastern coast of India yesterday to protest a coming cyclone that would later claim the lives of many of those same protestors. The powerful storm, Hudhud, plowed across India seemingly oblivious to the negative press and its sinking public opinion polls.

Many are calling this abusive relationship with the weather "a cycle of violence", or in this case a cyclone of violence. "We lost electricity in my town," said a local fisherman Richa Gavde. "That would be fine except we only just flippin’ got electricity in my town! What is the weather thinking? We live in mud huts for fuck sake. Oh, brave deity blowing over thousands of thatched roofed huts. Big man on campus. We don’t even have a campus yet, jerk!"


Alternate Universe Vindicates Bush
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Whereas history tends to repeat itself, one necessary element in this process is the time required to forget shit. Typically there are decades or even centuries between identical historical blunders (IHBs) as that’s how the whole eventually-shit-is-cyclical thing is supposed to work. But Republicans are like that guy who gets three DUIs in a 24hr period and then decides to drive to a bar. They’re insisting on F-ing everything up again, not in 2050, but by the end of their next news cycle. Quantdumb?


Applause Trailing Off Mid-Set for Local Coffee Shop Duo
Applause Trailing off Mid-Set for Local Coffee Shop Duo

Flagstaff, AZ—By all accounts they were doing great. The local band, Flag Beat, started off the set with something Simon and Garfunkley and, when the applause finally subsided, they banged out the jazzy sounds of old Jelly Roll. Then somehow the applause died off suddenly during the band’s rendition of Spandau Ballet’s True.

"I told my partner in crime there is no good time to play Spandau Ballet," said Bart Newell, the lead Saxophone of Flag Beat.

Guitar player Mark "rocket" Deluca disagreed, "It wasn’t the Spandau. When we played True at nearby Bushmaster Park, we crushed, we had them eating out of our hands."

Newell pointed out, "That’s because of the homeless population there. They didn’t like the song, they were just literally eating out of our hands."


Once More Unto the Embassy Breach, Dear Friends
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

So Pokey, I’m brainwashed? I understand Obama’s Muslim strategy and I commend it. In fact, I suggested it years ago...to you. Our more savvy administrations will forever attempt to separate radical Muslims from those moderates as conflating the two would prove catastrophic. This is some of the Benghazi nuance you are calling a scandal. I call it don’t taunt Happy Fun Ball (SNL 1991). Obama will strike what needs striking but will, more importantly, support and foster any and all moderate Muslim voices that might emerge from this Middle East shit-show. He may well back some to a fault. [Sheikh Abdallah Bin Bayyah joke beheaded by the editor.]


Battle Beneath the Planet of Benghazi
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

On September 12th 2012, I said, "A terrorist attack was orchestrated against our nation by Islamic Jihadists who murdered four Americans on the anniversary of 9/11." I spoke these words to anybody who would listen. You wouldn’t, Zano. I realize the coffee, the beer, and all the coffee-flavored beer is at this point a great distraction to you. So let’s just blame the hops, the barley and the coffee beans for your ignorance on this matter.


Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4: Speed Powder
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Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies"
Discord Business Model Switching to "All Cats and Babies," Zano's cat pressured into five year contract for toys and cat nip
Zano's cat pressured into five year contract for toys and cat nip
 
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Discord Fast Approaching One Ad Per One Lawsuit Ratio
Discord Fast Approaching One Ad per One Lawsuit Ratio
 
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Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
Kim Jong Un a No Show for Discord Beer Trek Competition
 
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Discord Get Out the Vote Efforts Questioned
Discord Get out the Vote Efforts Questioned
 
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As the Graham McCain Turns
As the Graham McCain Turns
 
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Calvin and Hannity
Calvin and Hannity
 
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Obama Deploys "Special Ebola Task Force" to Dallas
Obama Deploys "Special Ebola Task Force" to Dallas
 
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Dated Discord
White House Fence Jumper Squatting in East Room
White House Fence Jumper Squatting in East Room

Washington, DC—The Secret Service is in hot water today as even more allegations have surfaced of a massive security breakdown. First, the public was led to believe the recent White House intruder only jumped the fence and made it to the front door.  The story changed on September 29th when the Secret Service admitted the intruder made it all the way to the East Room. Now they are admitting the man, Omar J. Gonzalez, not only reached the East Room, but has been living there comfortably for several weeks.

Gonzales actually first scaled the fence on August 12th and has now claimed squatter’s rights and is refusing to leave. White House lawyers admit the situation is complicated. Since the Secret Service took so long to notice Mr. Gonzales, he does have some rights to stay. Under District of Columbia Law he can remain at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for an additional 30 days at which time he can replace Vice President Joe Biden.


Coalition of the Falling: Ebola Fed Ex
By Dr. Kwela Juluka
Dr. Kwela Juluka

I have taken a turn for the worse after my visit to West Africa.  I have fatigue, headaches, and I’m bleeding out of every orifice in/on my body...and that’s just because I write for the Discord.  Actually, I shook hands with a previously infected doctor who attributed his recovery to his Christian God rather than to medical science.  Color me stunned!  With docs like that, Africa is in for a thrill ride on the exponential Ebola train to Shitsville, which I also believe is a Monkees’ song.


Rise of the Radical Republican?  Boehner Inaction Figure Sold Separately
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Despite the recent successes of some moderate republican candidates, I don’t believe it accurately reflects the larger political trend. The GOP will likely track further right and within a decade we will start hearing the words "radicalized republicans." Bozo Haram? I know, I know, it’s like the time I commissioned a bust from that OCD sculptor, I’m getting a head of myself, again.


Is Dropping Ebola Victims on ISIL Brilliant or Diabolical?
Is Dropping Ebola Victims on ISIL Brilliant or Diabolical?

Washington, DC—President Barack Obama is expounding his plans today, in hemorrhage and diarrhea filled detail, to "wipe out" ISIL. The U.S. military will begin to transport final-stage Ebola victims from Africa to the Middle East, en masse. These "volunteers" will then help the forces of good by plummeting thousands of feet before exploding and hopefully infecting the forces of evil.

President Obama told reporters today, "I am calling these brave warriors my Coalition of the Falling. You can’t destroy ISIL through any conventional military strategy. Certainly my shit-show of a predecessor taught us that much, but I have some pretty cool tricks up my sleeve. And sometimes these tricks involve dropping a steady stream of Ebola Infected Nigerians from planes like rocks, or E.I.N. Steins as I call them. Hah, hah. Sorry, it’s a German joke."


Obama Creates Coalition of the Good Luck With That
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

I thought I understood the Obama Doctrine, until now. More disturbing than the prospects of Iraq Part Deux is this: a recent poll indicates Americans would prefer a return to a Bush-style Doctrine, here. If this is true, do you remember Bill Paxton’s character from Aliens? Game over, man!


Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
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Giant Joint Image "Worth Its Weed in Gold" to Discord Photoshopper
Giant Joint Image "Worth its Weed in Gold" to Discord Photoshopper

Flagstaff, AZ—The Discord always posts original material and yet the unpopular eZine continues to ignore any and all internet image copyright laws. "With contempt," added the Discord’s CEO Peirce Winslow. "We hate those things. Images should be free, like porn or firearms."

The head of the Discord’s legal counsel, Anthony Ballz of the Ballz, Ballz, Ballz and Bone Law Firm explained, "Most images are labeled Royalty free, which translates into legalese as ‘ours’ and I think it also means it’s in no way affiliated with the English Royal family. This particular image, which Zano swiped from Bing Images while intoxicated, is called a rights-managed image. We prefer to call these site’s-owned images, so they’re on our site so fuck off.  For legal precedent see Man with Face Passed Out in Urinal vs. That shit we posted last week."

Flo Takes Massive Pay Cut Switching to Ailing “News” Blog
Flo Takes Massive Pay Cut Switching to Ailing “News” Blog, "Sometimes it’s about doing the right thing, which this isn’t." —Flo, Regressive Agent
"Sometimes it’s about doing the right thing, which this isn’t."
—Flo, Regressive Agent
 
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Putin Annexes Pabst! Pabst Red Ruskies?
Putin Annexes Pabst! Pabst Red Ruskies? “We will add their Blue Ribbon to our vast array of Olympic medals”
“We will add their Blue Ribbon to our vast array of Olympic medals”
 
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Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop
Pope Appoints New Arches Bishop, Bishop in the Box Mascot is “really pissed”
Bishop in the Box Mascot is “really pissed”
 
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New Ray Rice Elevator Creating Fun and Controversy!
New Ray Rice Elevator Creating Fun and Controversy!…mostly controversy.
…mostly controversy.
 
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Scotland! Scotland! Scotland!
Scotland! Scotland! Scotland! Just be thankful we didn't have to use our Braveheart hanging Cameron's head on Hadrian's Wall thing.
Just be thankful we didn't have to use our Braveheart hanging Cameron's head on Hadrian's Wall thing.
 
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Draco Malfoy to Head Next Benghazi Witch Hunt
Draco Malfoy to Head Next Benghazi Witch Hunt, Witness claims not all documents handed over to 9th committee. 10 points for Slytherin!
Witness claims not all documents handed over to 9th committee. 10 points for Slytherin!
 
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Bigfoot Exonerated for Ripper Deaths!
Bigfoot Exonerated for Ripper Deaths! Scotland Yard: "And he's pissed"
Scotland Yard: "And he's pissed"
 
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Discord Videos
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
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Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4:
Speed Powder
Search Truth Quest: EP 1 PT 4: Speed Powder
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Search Truth Quest: EP1 Part 3: Lair of the Hot Barista
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Camera Down! Now Maybe He'll Have Some Time for Our Editing.
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Sith Lord Revealed! Cheney Controlling President Through Darkside
 Danzig, Black Sabbath and Jesus
 In Show of Strength Obama Hoists Severed Head of Boehner on Meet the Press
 Grand Old Party to Ban Every Smarty
 Bands of Angry Displaced Cactus Roaming the Streets
 Missing Immigrant Children Smuggled to Swing States Via Metro-ground Railway
 Joan Rivers, Best Known for Her Role in the Muppets Take Manhattan, Is Dead at 81
 Rhyolite Nevada: a Place That Makes Other Ghost Towns Seem Bustling
 Is She No Better Than a Republican?
 Hackers Refusing to Release Naked Zano Pics
 Kazoo Legend Slim Addelson Inducted Into Kazoo Hall of Fame
 Dalai Discord Recruits Lama!
 Who’s More Serious About Climate Change? ISIS IS!
 A Theory Emerges From Ancient Astronaut Ornithologists
 Prescott’s Haunted Hotel St. Michael: Oops, Ghost Found
 Burger King Abandons U.S. for Canada!
 Discord CEO Moves All Reporters Into a 1957 Winnebago
 Rand's Brand Banned in Fox Land
 Search Truth Quest: Part 2 EP 1: Undulating Maggots of Doom
 Another Controversial Discord Ad
 Putting the 'Fun' Back Into Fundamentalism
 This Day in Future History: President Perry Bombs U.N.
 Orson Calling Mork: Orken Spacecraft Surround Earth!
 Parmesan Cheese Newest Tool in Battle Against Drug Addiction
 Obama Asks Bush About That Mission Accomplished Banner
 Flagstaff’s McMillan Pub: the Good, the Bad, and the Zano
 Lauren Bacall, Best Known for Her Role in Scooby-Doo: the Goblin King, Is Dead at 89
 Homer's Touching Tribute to Robin Williams
 Malaysia Unveils Plans for New Global Rail System
 Discord Moment of Silence for Robin Williams
 Christie Warns: "I Will Shoot the Next Reporter Who Mentions Bridgegate in the Face"
 I’m Not Joining the Discord, Zano, so Kindly Fuck Off!
 Obama Denies Ordering Airstrikes on Iraq
 Search Truth Quest: Part 1 EP1: Chud Vendetta
 Gaza Psychologist Just Doing End of Life Therapy
 Negativity Bias, Interpersonal Circumplexes, and Other Political Psychobabble
 Homer Simpson: the Most Interesting Meme in the World
 Another Shopper Vanishes Into the Bloomingdale Triangle
 Bloom Vs Bieber: High Elf Vs Low Life
 Artificial Self-Esteem Bolstering for Dummies
 Theory Emerges After Appearance of Third Siberian Sinkhole
 Man Taken Aboard the Loch Ness Monster by Alien Bigfoots
 Discord Interpretation of Recent News Headline Questioned
 The Forces of Yig Gain Major Foothold in the Crawdad Apocalypse War
 Local Teen Sleuths Solve Casey Case-um
 To Summarize the Distraction That Is the GOP
 Immigrant Children Transformed Into Renewable Energy Source
 Russia Standing by 10-Minute Rocket Launcher Tutorial for Rebels
 Mizpah Hotel in Tonopah: Ghost Adventures V Ghost Blunders
 Impeachment: You're Doing It Wrong
 Yes, It’s All Part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, Called Thinking
 This Just in From Crank Headquarters
 Read Between the Lies
 Secretaryian Violence Increases in Syria
 The 2-Million Tons of Unaccounted for Plastic in Our Oceans Found
 Women Will Eventually Rule: Zano Interpretation of the Ukraine Ceasefire
 The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness
 What Were Republicans, Daddy?
 Obama: the Worst President Never
 The Day Obi-Wan Really Started to Worry About His Apprentice
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