Sarcastically Salving Society
Home of the Transcosmetic Party
A Place for Raging Moderates, Tragic Optimists, and Integral Outcasts
April 25, 2015
I GAVE UP GIVING UP THINGS FOR LENT FOR LENT • OBAMA DECLARES WAR ON POISONOUS FLORIDA CATERPILLAR • PELOSI: REPUBLICANS ENDANGER CIVILIZATION • ZANO: PELOSI HAS RARE, ACCURATE STATEMENT • WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SHIT FOR THIS MARQUEE/TICKER THING, ZANO! JESUS, WHAT AM I NOT PAYING YOU FOR? —PIERCE WINSLOW • OBAMA ADMITS TO SPENDING ALL NATION'S FLEX-FUNDS ON GOLF, STARBUCKS AND BEER • CONGRESS APPROVES BILL TO...HA HA HAH! KIDDING! CONGRESS DOESN’T APPROVE BILLS •
TopicsTopics
ContributorsContributors
FeaturesFeatures
Subscribe Now Subscribe Now
Search The Discord Search The Discord
About Us About Us
Contact Us Contact Us
Site Map Site Map
Be our friend...
...with benefits
Show us your tweets...
Follow The Daily Discord on Twitter
...and we'll show you ours
Follow The Daily Discord on MySpace
Dick Cheyney: In My Pants
Presidential All Seeing Eye

Kiester Island

Khamenei Rork and Tattoo Ahmadinejad

Bill Clinton and his Asian Harem

Obama squares of with Gandalf the Gray over Health Care

Tactics to Draw Out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan Questioned, Danish Mohammed cartoons for sale

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Moe-hammad
The Hand of God
Kallisti Publishing
The GOP: Insight Out
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Have you noticed how our republican friends feel increasingly vindicated lately? No matter what each news cycle brings, it will only confirm their suspicions. Instead of countering all of their "points", it might be easier to just watch Fox News backwards. Barack Sabbath? Kidding, watching Fox backwards spells !izahgneB.


Zano V Rhythm
Zano v Rhythm
More Videos...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord

U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program Into Brewery
U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program into Brewery

Tehran, IR—The State Department is hailing the recent development of Iran’s decision to convert their uranium enrichment facilities into breweries as a "major achievement". Iran won’t have any power but they will have porters. The United Nations supports Iran’s decision to brew beer and approved the distribution of cans, bottles, and growlers. They have yet to give Tehran the go-ahead to produce 22 oz. bombers as there remains a lingering fear that this could be a gateway size.

Iran Brewery will feature several flagship beers including a dry-hopped Infidel IPA, a Sharia Sour, a peach-flavored Genocider, and a Death to American Pale Ale. The Mohammed Malt Liquor was pulled from the racks, however, after an artist died on the rack for what Iran officials are calling "a label design mishap."


Cosby’s Giving Me a Woody
By Tony Ballz
Tony Ballz

With all the hoo-ha surrounding the Bill Cosby’s recent allegations, this seems like a good time to talk about Woody Allen. Whenever the media needs an easy punchline for a child molestation joke (always in good taste), they inevitably turn to Woody Allen. Countless blogs and entertainment outlets love to dribble on about the "sick" relationship between the film director and the much younger Soon-Yi Previn, his ex-lover's adopted daughter, aka "that poor girl."


Cheney Yells "This Is Torture!" Before Strangling Kitten
Cheney Yells "This is Torture!" before Strangling Kitten

Mclean, VA—During an interview with the Discord’s own Cokie McGrath, Dick Cheney became highly agitated today. Initially, the former Vice President presented as calm and answered questions ranging from the consequences of the Iraq War, to the irony of a homophobe having a lesbian daughter, to the economic collapse caused by his own arrogance. When McGrath mentioned the Torture Report, however, Cheney grabbed the PhotoShopped image of a kitten and began strangling it. "I like torture but I don’t like reports! This!! This is torture, you little bitch! Not that mambi-pambi shit we we’re doing to those war criminal, towelheads!"


Dear GOP, What Is Your Infatuation With People Who Are Always Wrong?
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Doesn’t cognitive dissonance eventually reach some saturation level? If fed enough conflicting data doesn’t the frontal lobe eventually deflate or something? Neuralflacidity? I know conservatives get an unhealthy dose of spin, but eventually the dust settles and we discover what actually happened. And it’s never what they thought. For some reason I was reading the Weekly Standard the other day and it struck me, the Standard is the brain-trust of the right, right? Yet who in their right mind would trust their brainlessness? Sorry, it’s the neuralflacidity talking.


Cruz to Redirect NASA Funds to "Global Space Fence"
Cruz to Redirect NASA funds to "Global Space Fence"

Washington, DC—The chief scientist of NASA, Ellen Stofan, recently announced, during a panel discussion, her firm belief that "we are on the verge of finding alien life" and that "this discovery will happen within a decade." This stunning announcement sent Ted Cruz, the chair of the Space, Science, and Competitiveness committee, into immediate inaction.

Senator Ted Cruz told the press today, "I have no reason to doubt NASA’s claims—except the whole aliens are never mentioned in either The Bible or Atlas Buggered—but if we only have a decade before these little green welfare recipients invade our sovereign planet, we need to start building a global border fence now."

Let's Give Zano Partial Credit on This One
Let's Give Zano Partial Credit on this One
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
Colorado's First Pot Related Fatality
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

20% of All Colorado Pot Diverted to Make Last Old Spice Commercial
20% of all Colorado Pot Diverted to Make Last Old Spice Commercial
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Aaron Hernandez Sentenced to One Date With Jodi Arias
Aaron Hernandez Sentenced to One Date with Jodi Arias
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Research: Hunting With AK47s Helped Early Humans Outsmart Neanderthals
Research: Hunting with AK47s Helped Early Humans Outsmart Neanderthals
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Say Hello to the Third Amigo!
Say Hello to the Third Amigo!
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Since the Government Has My Dic Pics...
Since the Government Has My Dic Pics...
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 
Dated Discord
Hipsters
By Tony Ballz
Tony Ballz

A hipster will put up fliers for his band's show but the location won't be on it because if you're cool enough you'll know where the show is. When a hipster wants to "rock out", he'll put on Franz Ferdinand instead of the Stooges. A hipster will have zero CDs by Elvis Presley, but at least one by ABBA. A hipster always makes sure the lyrics to whatever he's playing aren't offensive to his girlfriend, even if he doesn't have one.


From Common Core to Common CAIR
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

There’s been a noticeable change in the content of textbooks used in American public schools in relationship to Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. Over the past twenty years, Islam has been increasingly shown in a positive light, while Christianity and Judaism have been ignored or shown in a negative one. Is this change based on the objective findings of genuine history or on the basis of political pressure? Libviticus?


Western Breweries Fight Drought With New Extra Dry IPA
Western Breweries Fight Drought with new Extra Dry IPA

Carlsbad, CA—The water is about gone in California and breweries are responding to Governor Jerry Brown’s call to action. Instead of moving back east with their parents, many master brewers are thinking outside the box. Many California residents are praising brewpubs owners for their ingenuity, but others are questioning the final product.

Drought Brewing is excited to announce the release of their Arid Ale as well as a Bone-Dry Bitter. Jack Parched, the Master Brewer of H²No Brewery, said, "We’re also aging a barley wine style beer as our seasonal. I call it the Barley Drinkable."


Glenn Beck and the Emperor's New Caliphate
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

During my last post I never reached the Promised Land: the heralded 2nd interesting Republican prediction of the 21st century. This one comes in the form of Glenn Beck’s Caliphate. Beck’s obviously referencing a group of AM radio hosts who hope to expand their current syndicated stations to one day span from the tip of Alaska to the tip of Florida—wait, that’ll be underwater. Never mind.


The Civil Wrong Movement
By Pokey McDooris
Pokey McDooris

The point from my last feature that Zano continues to ignore is how Beck recognized that "yes" radical Islam was getting out of hand. He did this as our President was doing victory dances, pulling troops out of the Middle East, and calling the Islamic radicals "the JV Team". Obama has a host of actions that make little sense when one considers the context of the rise of a terrorist network, globally peddling their wares. Kora-Amway?


Caliphates and Terror and Russian Bears, Oh My!
By Mick Zano
Mick Zano

Lately I’ve been getting complaints about the length of my posts, which is better than the usual "stop blogging, asshole!" comments to which I have grown so accustomed. In the interest of compromise I came up with a short topic. Let’s discuss those scant events our conservative friends have predicted accurately in the 21st century. It’s pathetic vs. prophetic today, here in the spooflands.


Chimpanzees Now Capable of Legislating
Chimpanzees Now Capable of Legislating

New research conducted by Primates-R-Us Laboratories suggests chimpanzees have acquired all of the necessary skills to become Congressmen. Chimpanzees learned to dress in suits while filming movies during the 1950’s – 60’s. They have also learned to respond to anything the alpha chimpanzee is doing simply by flinging feces. Now, some primates are proficient at both flinging feces and having affairs with their interns. Many scientists believe this is the last skill that separates primates from politicians.

Dr. Sterling Hogbein of the Hogbein Institute and Lube said, "We are watching evolution occur. In this case, it’s really more about evolutions converging as chimps are evolving and Congress is devolving. So essentially they were bound to meet."

God Claims Responsibility for Devastating Tornado
God Claims Responsibility for Devastating Tornado, "Thou Shalt Bake Gay Wedding Cakes" added to Commandments
"Thou Shalt Bake Gay Wedding Cakes" added to Commandments
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Kerry Blames "Extended Iran Negotiations" on "Urinating in Public" Charge
Kerry Blames "Extended Iran Negotiations" on "Urinating in Public" Charge
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Study: Republican Party Dropped on Head As Child
Study: Republican Party Dropped on Head as Child
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Ayatollah Adamant Iran: "Not Seeking Bomb"
Ayatollah Adamant Iran: "Not Seeking Bomb", Offers the U.S. unprecedented "double pinky promise."
Offers the U.S. unprecedented "double pinky promise."
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Rand Paul Requests: "That List of Crazy Shit I Have to Say to Win Primary"
Rand Paul Requests: "That List of Crazy Shit I have to Say to Win Primary"
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Ted Cruz Compares Himself to Galileo
Ted Cruz Compares Himself to Galileo, NASA to attempt to land Ted Cruz on passing comet
NASA to attempt to land Ted Cruz on passing comet
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 

Only 595 Days Until Hillary
Only 595 Days Until Hillary
 
Enlarge...
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 
Discord Videos
Zano V Rhythm
Zano v Rhythm
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord


A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Subscribe to the Discord
 Westboro Baptist Church Vs. the Daily Discord and GOD
 S.T.Q. EP 2: the Ghosts of Oatman
 The Final Final Ending of S.T.Q Episode 1
 The Exciting Conclusion of Search Truth Quest: Ep 1
More Videos...
Decrepit Discord
 Spring Is in the Err
 Six Climbers Missing After Attempting to Scale Bill O'Reilly's Ego
 Congress Takes Aim at Last Functional Aspects of Government
 NASA Agrees to Ignore Climate Change If Cruz Agrees to One-Way Mars Mission Reality Show
 My Shitty Kids
 Stephen Hawking Names Daily Discord "Greatest Threat to Mankind"
 The AM Radio Circus: Fire-Breathing Clowns Juggling Elephant Poo
 Boehner Orders Cooler Do-Nothing-Congress Chair
 Florida Bans Words ‘Climate Change’ in Favor of ‘Tidal Terrorism’
 47 GOP Senators: Treason or Just a Felony?
 Harrison Ford's Explanation Raises More Questions
 Music Is Still Free!
 How Is ISIS Radicalizing Our Children?
 A Couple of Quick Points
 Netanyhu Follows up Famous "Bomb" Diagram With "Iran Plan"
 Brevity Is the Soul of Wit so I Will Keep This Rebuttal Under Twenty Pages
 Obama Apologizes to Netanyahu for Adjacent Firework Display/Rock Drummer Tryouts
 Final Solution for Harry Reid's Eye Troubles Unveiled
 That Which We Call a Radical by Any Other Name
 To Refute Global Warming Senator Pulls Testicle Off Defenseless Snowman
 Scott Walker Has "No Idea Where All This Blood Came From"
 How Did the GOP Become Such Koch Suckers?
 Manmade Vs God-Given Rights
 As Keystone XL Bill Approaches GOP "Outraged" by Obama Pun Prank
 Our ‘Unalienable Rights’ Have Nothing to Do With Ancient Aliens, Zano
 Niagara Fails: Man's Attempt to Go Over Falls in Igloo Ends Badly
 Mysterious Martian Haze Identified
 New Psychedelic Drug Shows Promise for Unicorn Research
 Farewell Jon Stewart, You Propaganda Spewing Buffoon!
 Southwestern Drought Threatens Sheriff Joe’s Waterboarding
 50 Shades of Grey Crayons Are a Marketing Bust
 The Koch Brothers Solve Donor Summit Dilemma
 Republicans Can Have High IQs Too, WTF?
 After Six Months of Bombing Shit Out of ISIS Obama Requests Authorization to Bomb Shit Out of ISIS
 Integral Thought Doesn’t Have a Prayer
 Man Fakes Seizure at Restaurant After Tip App Fails
 White House Lawn Drone "Acted on Own"
 9/11 Was an In-Saudi Job!
 Japan to Release Monster-X on ISIS
 Romney Out: "I'm Determined to Pave Way for an Even Less Viable Candidate"
 Arizona’s Wall to Nowhere
 Is the GOP Losing Their Midterm Erection?
 Paranormal Entities Sue Discord Over Rights Infringements
 A Slow News Day at Discord Headquarters
 Boehner Breaches Protocol Again!
 Discord Captures Essence of Netanyahu Visit
 Judge Sentences Michelle to Four Semesters of Her Own School Menu
 Climate Stability and Conservative Thought: What Are Two Things Not Happening
 Zano Deciphers Trickle-Down Economics
 The Kennedy Center Nominees Looked Like a Strange Bunch This Year
 With New Romney Campaign Comes New Approach to the 47%
 Please Don’t Bring the Shit-Show Here
 Reality Show Package Deals Now Available!
 Discord Reacts to Cruz’s New Oversight Position
 A Tale of Two Stations
 Expedition for Remote Yields Cache of Froot Loops
 Kansas to Be Divided Into Neighboring States
 Live From the Discord's Weather Center in Flagstaff
 Confirmed Hoax: Latest Plesiosaur Sighting Blue Whale in Plesiosaur Costume
 Jeb Bush "Terminates" Ties to All Evil Corporations
RSS Subscriptions
Search
About Us
Contact Us