Spoof News




Man To Dedicate Next Four Years To Correcting Pro-Trump Racist Graffiti

Cleveland, OH—Trump supporter, Benjamin Meanie, is angry with the quality of the graffiti turning up on the buildings and vehicles in his city. He vows to roam the streets correcting the spelling, grammar, and even the content of any and all pro-Trump vandalism. “I support all the bigotry and hatred, but I still long for a day…

Dexy of the Midnight Runners Vows Second Hit Coming

Dexy, of Dexy’s Midnight Runners, is off of his meds and back on the musical warpath. Several decades without a follow-up hit have not dampened the band’s hopes of a full resurgence.  When questioned about the band’s perpetual one-hit-wonder status, Dexy retorted, “What about Come on Eileen: Unplugged and Come on Eileen: the Instrumental?”  In a Discord Exclusive, Dexy told our own Cokie McGrath that the band is planning to name their upcoming chart topper, Come On Eileen…Really Already. I Mean for Fuck’s Sake, Woman.  Dexy later admitted this title might be shortened, edited, or set ablaze in a brown paper bag upon someone’s doorstep.

Apocalypse Now: The Daily Discord Secretly Enriching Uranium?

Apocalypse Now: The Daily Discord Secretly Enriching Uranium?

Philadelphia, PA – The Bible warns of a powerful leader and a false prophet who would one day rise to power under the direction of ‘Our Lord’ Satan.  It is prophesized that this unholy trio would ultimately bring about both the destruction of the world, as well as alternate street parking (not necessarily in that order). The Daily Discord’s own CEO, Pierce Winslow, is denying allegations that he and his trusty sidekick, the Ghetto Shaman, have been covertly enriching weapons grade uranium in the back of Winslow’s 1985 Ford Granada. 

“That’s just crazy,” said Winslow, while laughing in a fake, unconvincing kind of way.  “Besides, I own a 1986 Ford Granada.”

If the Discord is successful in obtaining a nuclear device, experts warn it could trigger an unprecedented virtual arms race that would quickly spread across the blogosphere.  The above picture is believed to be the actual Discord weapons facility, or a close replica, or possibly a Neolithic bird sanctuary. 

“If the Daily Discord were to obtain such a device,” said Winslow,  “we would do what any good ezine would—nuke Facebook!


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