Spoof News




Poll Finds Nine out of Ten Atheists Prefer Mormons over Jehovah Witnesses

Poll Finds Nine out of Ten Atheists Prefer Mormons over Jehovah Witnesses

A recent unscientific poll conducted in a bar by drunken Discordians suggests that people don’t like Discord reporters approaching them when their “this drunk.” A second poll, involving massive quantities of microbrews, can only be described by this reporter as implementing something now termed enhanced polling techniques. A third poll, not at all appropriate for minors, reveals something even more intriguing. People are far less enthusiastic about a visit from a Jehovah Witness than any–we made shit up about Jesus and wear magic underwear–Mormons.  Here is an actual conversation between Pokey McDooris and two unidentified pedestrians:

Pokey:  “Are you Mormons or Jehovah Witnesses?”

Pedestrians: “We’re Mormons.”

Pokey: “Whooo Hooo! I win a beer!”

I think this exchange enhances our understanding of the problem this nation faces, although we’re not exactly sure how.

Trump Mulls Special Ops Mission: “To Wedgie, Noogie And Beat Up Kim Jong Un For His Lunch $”

Tweet Tower—President Trump is not afraid to use the bully pulpit to push his agenda, but will he soon be bullying the Gloroius Leader of North Korea, literally? The White House has confirmed the military is reviewing scenarios for carrying out both the Noogie and the Wedgie. When Defense Secretary General James Mattis was asked about deploying the…

Fox Analyst Joins Fight For Russia

New York, NY—After news broke of an MSNBC employee’s decision to join Ukrainian forces to fight Russian aggression, Fox News went into scramble mode. The minutes of yesterday’s executive meeting revealed a series of initiatives the Fox network floated to discredit, Malcolm Nance, the heroic foreign affairs analyst turned Ukraine freedom fighter. The Discord has…


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