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Ham Slam: Miss Piggy’s Fox News Roast

Ham Slam: Miss Piggy’s Fox News Roast

London, GB—Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy attended last week’s London premiere of The Muppets. During the event, British reporters asked the pair what they thought about the growing tension between Fox News and the popular Hensonites. The cable news giant is also particularly angry at the Muppet, Animal, for urinating on Roger Ailes at the Propaganda for Dummies Symposium in San Diego last month.

When specifically questioned about Fox’s assertion the movie has a liberal agenda, Kermit said, “If we have a problem with oil companies, why would we have spent the entire film driving around a gas-guzzling Rolls Royce?”

Miss Piggy then chimed in, “It’s almost as laughable as accusing Fox News of, you know, being news.”

The Daily Discord later asked if the couple wished to retract their statements. “Certainly not,” said Kermit, “and I can tell you another thing: with Fox News around it aint easy being green.”

Miss Piggy stated she was more concerned about conservative’s recent racist attacks against Muppets in general, and added, “I know the women of Fox News are attractive, but to me it’s all just lipstick on a pig.”

She then asked to have her statement retracted, which we will now do:

Please do not read that last statement from Miss Piggy.

See Fox? That’s how you do a retraction. You should try it.

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Liberal Calls For The Creation of Wild-Vote Preserves To Protect Last Conservatives

Burlington, VT—Despite their inherent voter suppression, gerrymandering, and white privilege, one liberal is defending the actions of conservatives. Sandra Smith of Burlington is insisting we protect the ideologically-impaired among us. “Although they still wield considerable power,” said Ms. Smith, “the long term prospects for the Grand Old Party is dim. As their habitat dwindles, they will likely become…

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Geologist Claims England’s Megalithic Structures Created By Erosion

Dinglebury, ENG—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and gift shop, is back in the news again today and pushing another controversial theory. In 2012 he proposed an alternative theory to explain the many megalithic structures dotting the English landscape. This important archeofictionologist now believes he has irrefutable evidence to support his earlier claim that they were,…

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