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Are Anti-Depressants Destroying the Traditional Blues Band?

Blues band on anti-depressants showered with rotten vegetables

A recent study by Pfizer, the makers of Zoloft, revealed the disturbing impact SSRIs and other anti-depressants are having on traditional blues music.

“I might as well join the Peace Corps,” said Jack Death, lead singer of The Armpit Salesman.  “After six months on Paxil, instead of jamming out to the blues, I would rather go to a ball game, fly a kite, or maybe spend some time in the park with my family.  It makes me fucking sick just thinking about it.” 

The Arm Pit Salesman’s latest CD, Skipping through the Sunshine has sold a record low four copies.

A recent poll suggests seven out of ten blues musicians find SSRI medications leave them feeling “way too perky.” Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Spa, believes this is an avoidable side effect of SSRIs.  Research indicates that by adding a blues stabilizer to your current medications, most blues band members can get out of that Sunday dinner and back to those Bourbon Street dive-bar gigs.  Blueztacia, one such anti-anti depressant, is designed to counteract the positive effects SSRIs have on mood.

“I don’t think any one pill can counteract the severe detrimental impact anti-depressants are having on blues bands and their music,” said Hogbein, “but prescribing a number of expensive supplemental medications might get my kids through college.”

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Glenn Beck Is Fasting For Ted Cruz: Beck-Fast At Bigotries?

Prior to the Iowa Caucuses, Glenn Beck threw his support behind Ted Cruz and he has been campaigning for him ever since. The Beckster is now willing to fast until his choice for the Republican nomination wins super Tuesday, which Beck dearly hopes comes with cheesy fries. “I will be ready for cheesy fries by then,”…

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God Implicated in Climate Change Hoax

God Implicated in Climate Change Hoax

Heaven—God is back peddling today as a leaked memo to several archangels and the Pope suggest the Christian deity is “cooking the books” on climate change. The memo suggests God is manipulating data by either heating or cooling NOAA weather buoys depending on “my mood”.

In a rare act of nonpartisanship, republicans and democrats alike condemned the supreme beings actions as “messed up”.

“Thou shalt not accuse me of being an environmentalist!” boomed God during a press conference. “You never heard of an ‘act of God?’ It’s not a hoax if I actually make it happen! You want to see a real hoax, you should see what I have planned for Bigfoot next year. That’s been the best game of hide and seek ever…granted, moving Hoffa’s body around all these years is a close second.”

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