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President Harvey Wall-Bugger And The Rest Of The Meteorologically Impaired

While we should all be very proud of the individual efforts of Texans during the aftermath of Harvey, let’s not let this impressive local chutzpah distract us from the key takeaway points. Wait, I’m being told the Keys have already been taken away by Irma. In 2017, we remain woefully unprepared for future meteorological events, which can mostly be attributed to a Lemony Snickets-syle series of unfortunate elections. Let’s review the Republican scorecard: 1. They didn’t want a carbon tax to reduce the CO2 levels in the atmosphere; 2. Under Trump, city planning projects are forbidden to use flood studies that take rising sea levels into consideration; 4. They never want to fund basic civil engineering projects to protect our cities in the first place, citing cost and a general repulsion to anything resembling forethought; and 5. They have always been reluctant to switch to green energies for fear of improving our species chance of survival.

Top Seven Reasons A Zombie Apocalypse Would Be Preferable To A Trump Presidency

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For most, a Zombie Apocalypse represents the apex of human fear and dread. But now, under the shadow of a Trump Presidency, many people are looking forward to one. Some groups are going so far as to actively try to trigger such an event. Dr. William Lynn told the Discord today, “We’re pulling out all the stops trying to create a Patient Zero, which will get this whole thing rocking and rolling. We have kind of an all-hands-on-deck mentality going. We would like to have the Zombie outbreak at least started before the next Trump speech or press conference. We are calling our initiative a Z-Nation upgrade.”

Much Like A Cuff And Ropeless S&M Club, Republican Ignorance Knows No Bounds

Many have asked, why do Republicans consistently vote against their own interests? CNN’s Fareed Zakaria just did a special on Why Trump Won, yet he only made a passing reference to the real culprit, namely, our tailored and targeted media. In 2017 the rightwing ‘Bubble’ can now subsist on little to no factual sustenance whatsoever. It’s like when marine biologists first discovered colonies of sea life leaching off volcanic vents, far away from the light. Thermal rants? Instead of seeking the consensus in a given field of knowledge, our conservative friends seem content to forever find that one rogue professional who supports their crapola. You know, that one dentist in ten who thinks brushing your teeth is bad for oral hygiene. Book that guy on Hannity and then watch the ensuing Breitfart headline: Pro-Cavity Dentist Destroys Lib Dental Hygienist!

Happy 4th? The Last Nationalistic Bone In My Body Has Osteoporosis, Which Is Now A Preexisting Condition

Why do liberals hate America? Maybe they just hate the stupid parts, which tend to be Republican in nature. At least North Korea didn’t vote for their own sociopathic man-child. Patriotism isn’t dead, it’s just brain dead. Z-exiting wouldn’t be easy, of course, but part of me wants to pull the old Daltrey and “put out the fire, and don’t look past my shoulder.” How do you outrun WWIII or the next global economic recession? We can’t escape from ourselves. Conservatives will continue to be the next unnecessary war/global recession people. Trumpcare currently has a 17% approval rating, so when is the Republican party itself going to be as unpopular as its deeds? Those will be the dystopic days worth living for. Why am I ready to give up on the greatest democratic experiment in human history? If America was a bar, this would the part when the lights blare on and you’re forced to acknowledge your poor choices. So… I didn’t miss my shoes and, hey, weren’t you on the faces of meth?

Trump Derangement Syndrome And The Cocky Horror Picture Show

What exactly is Trump Derangement Syndrome? Offhand the words ‘Trump’ and ‘Derangement’ seem like a harmonious linguistic pairing, but the addition of the word ‘syndrome’ implies those concerned about Trump’s derangement are themselves deranged. Many theories are abound and, as usual, you can click and drag the republican version of events over to the nearest receptacle icon. Ctrl-Alt-Elite? As a blogger who predicted disaster at this historical juncture, I have a theory of my own. In 2017 if you are comfortable with the state of our union, you are the problem. See? That wasn’t so hard. You can call me the father of TDS as I planned to lose my shit no matter who on the right got the presidential nod. I’ve been organizing this whole Resist-type effort for well over a decade, and I expect to see all 11 members of the Zano Nation at my rally next Friday over at Hops on Birch. BYOB. You will have to smuggle it in as Hops is a bar.

As Trump Implodes I Would Like To Take A Moment To Remember The Brain Trusts Who Made Trump Possible

As Trump flares and burns across the night sky like a shooting star with too much beta-carotene, Fox News recently tweeted this gem. Last week, instead of covering the news, they got tens of thousands of people to retweet something that should be an embarrassment to their brand. Granted, finding Republican accomplishments is fast becoming Bigfoot rare, but this is absurd even by Fox News ‘standards’. Look at that above image again …take as long as you need. Sure Bush and Trump inherited strong economiesoperative word ‘inherited’. Simply put, history will grade Obama and Clinton’s economic prowess and accomplishments light-years ahead of Dubya and Trump’s. So you can shove the rest of your 24/7 anecdotal drivel up Hannity’s America (Mick drop).

Calling Conservatives ‘Deplorables’ Is Deeply Unpopular, So How About ‘Unreachables’?

Apparently the term ‘Deplorables’ is not wildly popular amongst those deplorable people among us, so how about the ‘Unreachables’ or the ‘Irredeemables’? Or maybe we should channel some Vizzini and go with the ‘Inconceivables’? Our president enjoys historically bad early approval ratings and he’s flip flopped on almost every major campaign promise, yet only an astounding 2% of Trump supporters show any buyer’s remorse whatsoever. It reminds me of when Dubya left office, still holding a 70% approval rating in Kansas. Bad Economies Matter? Today our economic growth is slowing, our healthcare system is exploding, and WWIII is looming large (all way ahead of Trump’s golf schedule). Keep your guns, peeps, but you may not be able to afford the bullets soon. Silencer of the Lames?

President Ass-Clown Hitler: How The Ass-Clown Part May Save Us From The Hitler Part

Are we moving toward fascism? My designated term of endearment for our president, Ass-Clown Hitler, was chosen for a reason as the only thing standing between our nation and some extra-strength Nazinol is Trump’s three-ring stupidity. What many of us despise about Trump, his terminal buffoonery, may actually be our saving grace. There’s certainly a down side to having an ass-clown leading the free world, but what if he were Dick Cheney? Cheney was smart and evil, which is a much more potent force. Come on, Dick, if the jackboot fits… Granted, conservatives are generally not the sharpest political tools in the shed, but if we keep re-electing them one of these days they’re going to get it alt-right.

The Trump Experiment Or Unconsciousness Revisited

In his book, “The Origin of Consciousness”, the late author Julian Jaynes detailed a compelling case for how and why leadership became the driving force in the development of civilization. Our governments, institutions, clergy, and corporations demonstrate and depend on Jaynes’ basic premise that, in essence, “top-down organizational charts” direct the masses toward behaviors and thinking consistent with the advancement and security of humanity. Under normal circumstances, history shows that those who have become good leaders have been bestowed with the intelligence and insight necessary to advance the condition of those who depend on their judgment. Do you see where I’m going with this?