Washington—In a fiery speech yesterday, President Biden made it clear that any premature attacks on Christmas during the upcoming holiday season would not be tolerated. “Be patient,” urged Biden, “At least wait until the Monday after Thanksgiving to start disrespecting our religious heritage and our country’s belief in Jesus Christ, Santa Claus, or any of Santa’s Merry Men. As the Sheriff on Nottingham once said, ‘Thou shallt not play holiday music in the department stores or display blinking lights before we eat turkey and watch football. We must first stuff our belly’s Friar-Tuck-style and then you can get back to consumerizing the meaning out of Christmas and/or mocking it outright.”
Neo-liberalism, as best personified by Reagan and Thatcher, is officially dead. Amen. But I’m not here today to bitch about zombie politics, although I loved Trickle Z and 30 Days of Right. Lately, it’s this Maddow-level-green version of liberalism that is really getting my goat. The issue with identity politics and all of its joyous facets isn’t new, but our society’s culture-warrior rot runs far deeper than I imagined. Today, a dysfunctional progressive movement is not in its infancy but has reached its misinformative years, which at least matches the emotional maturity of the average canceler. Cancel is an infection across the industrialized west as highlighted by Canada’s well-established racism tribunals and Japan’s Olympic committee’s recent decision to banish anyone who farted in public since 1972. If you don’t want to read my blog for sensitivity reasons, fine, but please spare me the fines. Look, I both understand and predicted an overreaction to all the horrors of MAGAville—or Brexitville, or all of the current global nationalistic horrors abound—but such a response must be grounded in constitutional principles. There’s no wiggle room here. It certainly seems like some libs want to ditch our founding documents because “Jefferson owned slaves, man.” You’re cancelled. I identify as an Ubermensch, but the term ‘Superman’ is acceptable. Mensch is German for ‘people,’ so use the word ‘Superman’ at your linguistic, or cancel-vulnerable, peril.
This post is a response to a James Fallows article over at The Atlantic. Fallows has published a series of articles comparing the fall of Rome to the US’s current trajectory. I called the US’s point of no return a couple of years ago here on The ‘Cord. Although Fallows started his US- deathwatch around that same time period, he falls short of any direct prediction surrounding our fate. He is still waiting for that point of no return—or some Ceaser crossing the rubicon moment—as if it’s still somewhere in the future. I think Fallows has the right idea, but I am not sure why he has to see a guy fiddling in front of a burning city to climb out onto this particular eschatological limb.
Three days after my Illiberal Hillbilly post, Bill Maher took up the Olympic ‘Woke’ torch by focusing on the same firing of the Director of the Olympics for a joke he uttered in 1998. Maher mentioned two more incidents that I missed involving another dismissal for ‘bullying in grade school’ and yet another for a private ‘fat’ joke. As per my last post, everyone goes through a bullying stage during their own development, some in kindergarten, others in the third grade, and still others during their first administration. Kidding, he never moved beyond that. Again, denying consciousness growth or basic child development is a mistake on the liberal’s part, potentially a costly one. Maher calls this an ongoing purge. Ya think fat jokes are in bad taste? Wait for Donald Trump’s Grover Cleveland impersonation, because that could be the next act on the docket, kids. Yeah, there’s a lot at stake here. You forget that many red states are shifting blueward. Why derail that trend for crap like this? These examples are from Japan, but it’s the same mindset here that needs addressing.
There’s a different kind of War on Christmas occurring, and it’s a little more Ghostbustery than Grinchy. Something occurred to me during a recent conversation with a couple of republicans, well, besides the usual masochistic implications. Another dimension of rightwing madness availed itself, a kind of republican Wrinkle in Le’Guin. The first rightwinger feared our imminent return to communism under more liberal leadership, no surprise there, while the second conveyed a cresting China-angst as Beijing now sits poised to eat our lunch. “Better learn to speak Mandarin, Zano.” So on one side we find a Soviet-style communism, with all the Stalinesque trappings, no doubt courtesy of our Veep and her trusty sidekick, AOC—both secretly from Venezuela—as for that other side, we find China’s quantum economic leap amidst the pandemic. As for these Christmas Ghosts, well, the first is absurd and apparently the threat of China sprung from the void on January 20th. But let’s forget the merits of these arguments for a moment; what struck me is the elegance of the Fox News effect. The GOP keeps its viewership off balance and split-focused between these two ghosts. In this way, all problems occurring today, what many of us refer to as the present, can be duly ignored. Thus we can bypass anything resembling a solution to any problem, indefinitely, which is really cost-effective if you’re, say, Mr. Burns over at the power plant. This also explains how the rightwing position never evolves in an unwanted direction, or, more precisely, in any direction whatsoever. It rings of John Boehner’s recent comment, “What does the GOP stand for anymore?” Were this a chess game, D would have moved their pawn, donning a Lollapalooza shirt, and R would then start to talk about their next move and scratch their collective head. Eventually, Zeno of Elea would be proud, as the sun would gradually deplete its hydrogen supply before their first move. MAGA only pawn in game of life.
Does your neighbor drive a gas-guzzling truck? Do they wear red hats? Do they suspiciously disappear for a couple of hours on Sunday mornings? Do they tend to switch from CNN to Fox News when left unsupervised? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may be living next to a Proud Boy or, worse, a republican sympathizer! Wake up, real left-America, and ask yourself were your neighbors really just fishing on January 6th? Please report any potentially conservative activity to your local Safe Space Hall Monitor.
Tongue in cheek or not, we’ve all contemplated purging the MAGA-ranks with some Thanoesque snap of the finger or my Zanoesque equivalent where you just have to market it as the rapture. Two for one, today only! All souls final!
Now that this dark chapter of our country has officially ended, or more accurately begun in earnest, it should be crystal clear how the GOP has created an alternate universe, a place to act out their more basal impulses in the guise of freedom. True to form they continue to contribute nothing, predict nothing, provide excuses for everything and obstruct the rest. More pathetic still is how, when cornered, they either cling to their factoids or flee to their patented all politicians are the problem stance. Biden and his semi-supermajority do represent a different and welcome political chapter, but having so many Americans entrenched in a sociopathic mindset is daunting. As their disorder of choice has blossomed, I warned how it would eventually endanger our republic. Rush Limbaugh’s contributions have not gone unnoticed in this dystopic endeavor and, as for his passing, let’s just say prehensile pundits everywhere have dropped a collective diastolic point today. I still can’t fathom the sheer number of citizens willing to take a stab at psychopathy. Whereas the DSM-V quantifies the anti-social prevalence at about one percent of the population, the GOP represents an astounding thirty-five. So what gives? New studies may add some insights to the terminally insightless.
In the interest of combating online and ongoing fake news when posting on social media I started labeling all of my work either ‘opinion’ or ‘satire’. And I am suggesting my friend similarly labels his posts: Factoids Damaging To The Public Discourse. For the latest example, my friend offered his Facebook wisdom entitled: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT but, as most of you are aware, republicans are simply not capable of getting anything straight. They do get louder and wronger and then resort to all caps, which must be part of the ideologically-dying-process. Face it, ‘straight’ is not their forte. Were any of them handed something straight, they’d immediately jump in a centrifuge and drive Plastic Man to a gay bar in South Bend. Stick with your strengths, Poke, which today is more of a crookedy, pretzely chaos-spiral-like-thing. I almost hate to tell him that the four best ‘points’ he’s made during the pandemic can be categorized as a presidential crime, a lie, an impeachable offense, and a seditious act. Who’s going to tell him? Let’s just drop this post in the cue with a scheduled date, and back away slowly…
Spygate is back, kids, or how the Feds illegally spied on The Donald just for fun. My friend is sending me link after link and a clearer picture is emerging, but I don’t understand why he keeps casting me in the role of spook defender. He ignores how I protested the broad tools handed to our intelligence community in the aftermath of 9/11, predicted Fed screwups, and approve of any agents frying for these aforementioned screwups. Also, I am not, nor have I ever been against these investigations. I am keenly aware that our intelligence community has been rogue, well, ever since republicans encouraged and enabled all their rogueness. The bigger problem is this scandal’s main premise. I mean, who would willingly listen to Donald Trump if they didn’t have to? He’s probably the only one the NSA is like: Naaah, that chick in 13A is having sex again. My friend’s prevailing argument, the bullshit part, is how this spying was politically motivated. There are serious breaches here, but the prime republican directive is that they land on the doorstep of either Joe, Hillary, or Barack. And until then they will leave no Stone verdict overturned. That’s their white whale, a liberal bogeyman, a theory I predicted would never pan out. The actual Trump situation is not unlike that of the gangster, Al Capone. Back in the day, the Feds could only nab him on tax evasion. Granted, it’s not the best example: whereas Capone developed a program during the Great Depression that provided milk deliveries to his fellow Chicagoans, Trump would have detained the milk trucks until his picture was added to each carton. I would actually support Trump on this one but only because it would also imply he was missing.
My friend and blogvesary responded to my last post and for that I’m grateful, mostly. But it doesn’t change the fact he’s still knee-deep in Foxal matter, oblivious to what’s coming in November. “You’re not making any sense, Zano!” I’m afraid nothing this far down the rabid hole is going to make sense to you, my friend. I do still enjoy our exchanges, but only for the same reason I keep eating ice cream despite a lactose intolerance [‘Fifty shades of sorbet’ joke removed by Tom Carvel]. Even after decades of debate, my friend still can’t acknowledge that each and every one of his ‘scandals’ had its day in court and ended with some republican judge, senator, or special prosecutor finding no crimes. You may not be aware of these conclusions, because Fox News will repeat this crap for years on end before making a smooth transition to the scroller—the moving ticker just underneath the blonde newscaster—for those inconvenient court findings. No retraction, apology, or further explanation necessary. I’d like to shove all of Fox New’s supposed journalists face-first off Trump’s ego. Anchors Away? I think for Pokey’s crusades we stand at zero indictments and counting. This is a QA-non-starter for me, and yet my friend still demands payment in full. Seek and thou shalt still fine?