After creating diversionary scandals, damaging the republic, and tearing down the western world order, one might wonder how Republicans find the time to compromise their principles. Scandals and flip flops, flip flops and scandals abound. To meet these changes and challenges our conservative friends must reinvent themselves more often than a replicant with OCD. “You can never step into the same Republican party twice, but afterwards you should probably change your shoes.” —Heraclitus
It’s nice to see the president get a break from this whole Russia collusion thing, so he can collude with Russia. President Donald J Trump alone in a room with a former KGB agent? What a disgrace. Maybe we will find out the truth about today’s summit someday …from the Kremlin. But, hey, at least Trump’s latest tweet barrage made me laugh. One day soon these tweets will be translated as: Why didn’t Obama stop my collusion? It happened under his watch?! Thanks Obama, I thought this was America! #SomeCollusion. Watching the last 72-hours of the Mueller machinations vs our counter-reality has reached Theater of the Bizarre levels of absurdity. Hippogroan? Oh, and this morning I caught five minutes of Neil Cavuto on Fox. Wow, talk about starting your day off far right… I am soooo done with this shit, and you should be too.
How does The GOP respond to another looming rightwing catastrophe? They flip the script, of course. We’re not the constitutional crisis, you and your lib-leaning FBI are the constitutional crisis. And even if Trump does turn out to be the crisis, you libs made Trump by having the audacity to call xenophobes bigots. The FBI is lousy with hipster spooks, lousy with them, I say! If Mueller’s findings end up sidelined, we should be storming the old Bastille, yet my blogvesary is focusing on “Spygate”? …you know, another fictional scandal with half the calories of Pizzagate. You have a super majority, dude, so of course we’ll investigate your feigned outrage. We always explore the rightwing conspiracy theory of the day and we do this while the last of society’s intelligentsia remains neutered. Castration without representation?
Last November the US elected its first pathological Liar-in-Chief, and this is when we finally get to look under the g-men hood and kick the tires? During normal times I’d be cheering loudly and waving my I Still Believe, Sanjaya! ascot. But these are not normal American Idol times, and the ascots only come in lavender. Thus far the 21st century rightwing conspiracies have proven to be distractions, but will the FBI counter counter-investigation prove different? There are only two conspiracy theories that hold any merit: Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone in the death of John F. Kennedy, and Plankton was not the only culprit in Spongebob’s Great Krabby Patty Caper (season 7, ep.17). Mr. Oswald publically stated “I’m a patsy” and was then gunned down within 48-hours. The Feds certainly know more on this matter than meets the FB-eye. Also, Larry the Lobster yelled he was “A patty” before being boiled alive during a Krabby Patty interrogation by BBPD. This episode, Butter You Than Me, never aired thanks to the efforts of Gina Haspel and Mike Pompeo. Fine, that’s a bit of a tangent, but so is this rightwing counter counter intelligence investigation that thus far seems counter to intelligence.
Superior, AZ—So this is my new thing, at least for the next month or so, I’m heading out into Arizona’s desert badlands on the days you’re least likely to run into other humans. Some people think you should only explore the desert in the winter. Forget such ideas. One should experience an area’s true nature. You don’t become one with the Saguaros hiking through them in January. This would be like trying to discover Mardi Gras in New Orleans in September. Also, with Phoenix now being the fifth largest city in the US, if one wants a little desert solitaire, you need to avoid the spilling of the masses into the wilds by dodging the weekends. I want to be the only non-local around, Non-local = El Loco.
Hollywood, CA—Actor George Hamilton was sold on eBay today for $895 after the ‘tannequin’ was converted into a leather recliner by the folks over at La-Z-Boy. There is still some controversy surrounding the event as even those closest to Mr. Hamilton are questioning whether this move was voluntary, involuntary, or just the “natural progression” of things.
Amidst the Age of Ignorance, family gatherings are really starting to suck, but here’s what I’ve learned from the latest holiday gauntlet. Many of us are now facing this uncomfortable reunion reality: Hey, let’s get a lot of people who don’t agree on anything and serve them a shit-ton of holiday cheer! The demise of the political conversation has been a long time coming, but how do we protect the next generation from Republican thought? Thoughts in-and-of themselves are generally a good thing, but when it comes to the rightwing, ‘thought’ has nothing do with it. Healthy debates and exchanges of ideas are certainly the hallmark of a functional and vibrant democracy, but, umm, we don’t have one of those. Have you met President Ass-Clown Hitler?
Today’s GOP is defined by a powerful presentism. Its members are locked in a 24-hour news cycle of their own creation, which allows them the freedom to ignore their own shortsightedness. Talk about the elephant in the room. My blogvesary is a freedom guy, who just happens to blindly back a populist-tyrant. How the hell does that happen? How do you ignore our own country’s descent into a rogue state? Hell, Nazism rose as a direct result of the botched Treaty of Versailles, so what’s your excuse, my friend? Did someone try to provide you with healthcare? Awwwe, poor fella’. Republicans are like a Monkee with a gun. Last Train To Auschwitz? Zenwrongness in today’s rightwing politics marks their almost Bodhisattva-like ability to remain fixated on the wrong thing. It’s like meditating backwards, so your mind becomes noisier, more cluttered, and less disciplined. Blindfulness training? Let’s all go into the Rose Garden and focus on the sound of one of Hillary’s emails being deleted.
Of course my recent post Study Finds Debating Table Lamp More Engaging Than Average Republican triggered a spirited debate. Ahhh, irony, it’s what’s for Discord. It was a much better debate than the lead up to the presidential election. Not that that’s saying much. My friend and blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, is all up in arms about this “salacious and unverified” dossier as it relates to the Russia probe, but what if it’s accurate? Is it really such a stretch that Mr. “Grab ’em by the pussy” could be salacious in private? Any port in a Stormy? And, if it remains unverified, don’t we just need a urine sample?
Regardless of one’s political affiliation, it’s hard to dislike William Kristol of Weekly Standard fame. He, if nothing else, represents a rare voice of reason for the conservative movement. He’s always proven wrong, but he’s at least a seemingly informed know-nothing. Not surprising, Kristol is showing some buyer’s remorse amidst the new political wasteland that he and his ilk helped foment. In a recent article, he said, “Disenthrallment is not disdain. Thinking anew does not mean thinking as a progressive.” This can be roughly translated as, “With a Republican super-majority, thus in our darkest hour, we must resist the urge to turn toward anything remotely sensible.” Well, there goes the last of the Republican intelligentsia and good riddance. The Brigade will advance! Trumpeter, walk …march!”
—Charge of the Right Brigade