Now that this dark chapter of our country has officially ended, or more accurately begun in earnest, it should be crystal clear how the GOP has created an alternate universe, a place to act out their more basal impulses in the guise of freedom. True to form they continue to contribute nothing, predict nothing, provide excuses for everything and obstruct the rest. More pathetic still is how, when cornered, they either cling to their factoids or flee to their patented all politicians are the problem stance. Biden and his semi-supermajority do represent a different and welcome political chapter, but having so many Americans entrenched in a sociopathic mindset is daunting. As their disorder of choice has blossomed, I warned how it would eventually endanger our republic. Rush Limbaugh’s contributions have not gone unnoticed in this dystopic endeavor and, as for his passing, let’s just say prehensile pundits everywhere have dropped a collective diastolic point today. I still can’t fathom the sheer number of citizens willing to take a stab at psychopathy. Whereas the DSM-V quantifies the anti-social prevalence at about one percent of the population, the GOP represents an astounding thirty-five. So what gives? New studies may add some insights to the terminally insightless.
In the interest of combating online and ongoing fake news when posting on social media I started labeling all of my work either ‘opinion’ or ‘satire’. And I am suggesting my friend similarly labels his posts: Factoids Damaging To The Public Discourse. For the latest example, my friend offered his Facebook wisdom entitled: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT but, as most of you are aware, republicans are simply not capable of getting anything straight. They do get louder and wronger and then resort to all caps, which must be part of the ideologically-dying-process. Face it, ‘straight’ is not their forte. Were any of them handed something straight, they’d immediately jump in a centrifuge and drive Plastic Man to a gay bar in South Bend. Stick with your strengths, Poke, which today is more of a crookedy, pretzely chaos-spiral-like-thing. I almost hate to tell him that the four best ‘points’ he’s made during the pandemic can be categorized as a presidential crime, a lie, an impeachable offense, and a seditious act. Who’s going to tell him? Let’s just drop this post in the cue with a scheduled date, and back away slowly…
Spygate is back, kids, or how the Feds illegally spied on The Donald just for fun. My friend is sending me link after link and a clearer picture is emerging, but I don’t understand why he keeps casting me in the role of spook defender. He ignores how I protested the broad tools handed to our intelligence community in the aftermath of 9/11, predicted Fed screwups, and approve of any agents frying for these aforementioned screwups. Also, I am not, nor have I ever been against these investigations. I am keenly aware that our intelligence community has been rogue, well, ever since republicans encouraged and enabled all their rogueness. The bigger problem is this scandal’s main premise. I mean, who would willingly listen to Donald Trump if they didn’t have to? He’s probably the only one the NSA is like: Naaah, that chick in 13A is having sex again. My friend’s prevailing argument, the bullshit part, is how this spying was politically motivated. There are serious breaches here, but the prime republican directive is that they land on the doorstep of either Joe, Hillary, or Barack. And until then they will leave no Stone verdict overturned. That’s their white whale, a liberal bogeyman, a theory I predicted would never pan out. The actual Trump situation is not unlike that of the gangster, Al Capone. Back in the day, the Feds could only nab him on tax evasion. Granted, it’s not the best example: whereas Capone developed a program during the Great Depression that provided milk deliveries to his fellow Chicagoans, Trump would have detained the milk trucks until his picture was added to each carton. I would actually support Trump on this one but only because it would also imply he was missing.
My friend and blogvesary responded to my last post and for that I’m grateful, mostly. But it doesn’t change the fact he’s still knee-deep in Foxal matter, oblivious to what’s coming in November. “You’re not making any sense, Zano!” I’m afraid nothing this far down the rabid hole is going to make sense to you, my friend. I do still enjoy our exchanges, but only for the same reason I keep eating ice cream despite a lactose intolerance [‘Fifty shades of sorbet’ joke removed by Tom Carvel]. Even after decades of debate, my friend still can’t acknowledge that each and every one of his ‘scandals’ had its day in court and ended with some republican judge, senator, or special prosecutor finding no crimes. You may not be aware of these conclusions, because Fox News will repeat this crap for years on end before making a smooth transition to the scroller—the moving ticker just underneath the blonde newscaster—for those inconvenient court findings. No retraction, apology, or further explanation necessary. I’d like to shove all of Fox New’s supposed journalists face-first off Trump’s ego. Anchors Away? I think for Pokey’s crusades we stand at zero indictments and counting. This is a QA-non-starter for me, and yet my friend still demands payment in full. Seek and thou shalt still fine?
Sure I’ve wondered whether the idiocy part of Donald Trump would save us from his worst authoritarian impulses, but my greater concern was always centered on a society that could elect such a man in the first place and what might spawn from such ideological sewage? Post QAnon’s emergence, one wonders if the Trump base, aka IQanone, might save us from their more terroristic inclinations? After all, this is not your grandfather’s Weather Underground [‘putting on false Ayres’ joke detained by the FBI]. Face it, the fabled ‘Q’ of QAnon is to Bin Laden as the ‘underwear bomber’ is to Muslim terrorism. The mystery MAGA prophet has gotten nothing right to date, from Hillary Clinton’s “imminent arrest” to “the Coronavirus is a hoax,” so he’s a perfect addition to the team. Republicans have made a lifetime of being wrong; it’s second nature to them, so why would their Nostradumbass be any different? Follow your blissful ignorance? The FBI has already classified QAnon as a domestic terrorist group, but if they follow suit with ANTIFA, it’s just politics. Half the country is against fascism and the rest can’t spell fascism. But just how homegrown extremism is this bunch going to get? And who gets elected to the backdrop of these populist delusions? Kidding, Trump stays in power until he dies because the only thing standing between him and some jail bars is AG Barr.
As our DOJ becomes an extension of the imperial presidency and Trump’s incompetence in the face of the current crisis drives us ever closer to ruin, what exactly drove the republican brain toward such spectacular folly? This concept has plagued me over the years, much like Bluetooth. Paranoia is a key ingredient in the conservative batshit soup. The wind beneath their cheeks? In the book American Conspiracy Theories, two political scientists out of the University of Miami wrestled with the rarity of the party in control maintaining such a high level of suspiciousness. They claim paranoid conspiracy theories are usually relegated to the disenfranchised, under-represented losers of any given election. The GOP’s ongoing reliance on Illuminatiesque subplots as the party in power is almost unprecedented. During the impeachment hearings, in true Goebbles fashion, several republican senators attacked the prosecution for attacking their own party’s fixation on irrelevant scandals. Had Hunter Biden been forced to testify, his appearance would have actually rewarded Trump’s bad behavior and made the Senate itself complicit in his crimes. Why address this reality anymore, when you can create an alternate one? So maintaining a nonsensical level of paranoia comes with some clear fringe benefits …from the same fringe poised to steal your benefits.
What have I been up to lately, besides bingeing on “true” horror stories and proofing my latest novel? After celebrating Patriot’s Day, I also hit one of the rare and lonely rivers which cuts through southern Arizona, the San Pedro. But enough about me; today I intend to actually finish something I started. I hope my parents haven’t just fainted. It involves the environment and how there may still be time to save it.
Liberals are continuing to make a profound mistake hoping for some republican reformation, a day when the Trumpsters of the world will turn some ideological corner toward reason. Even after the next line of political debacles, no matter how costly, their zenwrongness will hold steady. Essentially 1 in 3 people in this country are impervious to reality. Most citizens are ill-informed, for sure, but this one swath of society has almost no chance of joining the vaguely sentient any time soon. They are locked in this political death spiral, forever tacking toward delusion, even as their champion of freedom gets one step closer to legal, economic, and political disaster every day. Liberals are sill holding onto the notion that, post Trump’s carnage, many will see the error of their ways and embrace some more sophisticated worldview. Let me dispel that notion today, in fact, let’s take said notion and separate if from its family, tear gas it, and banish it to parts south.
My friend thinks Democrats are the main racists in today’s society as well as in the past. So liberals are secretly the alt-right, tiki-torch wielding hate mongers? Too bad that laundromat was closed on my way to Charlottesville. [Sheet out-of-luck joke removed by the editor.] What fun house mirror are you snorting PCP off of? Your trip down racism memory lane has some early signs of Dem-entia. If liberals have managed to weaponize immigration to their political advantage, it might actually balance the active voter suppression efforts of the Republican party. Besides, if immigrants are helping to oust the worst regime this country has ever seen—next to Dubya, of course—than kudos! My blogvesary, after losing every argument in the 21st century, is climbing into Mr. Peabody’s Way Back Machine for the sole purpose of arguing how Republicans were the progressives on the lead up to the civil war. What? An orange, Mussolini-like wrecking ball is occupying the oval office, right now! Look at him! Look at him! Stop trying to hide behind Jackson v Lincoln, which has little to no relevance.
Retraction Alert: you would not be the guy in 1930s Germany ignoring the rise of Hitler only to hyper-focus on the shortcomings of his rival, Hindenburg; you’d be the guy attributing the problems of the day to the Teutonic knights, who never should have let those liberal Templars “suck all the fun out of the 12th century.”
This article is in response to Pokey McDooris’s most recent, here.
Since day one of this rag’s inception I’ve warned how this is a race between the death of the Republican party and the death of our nation. Unfortunately taking back the House falls short of what the situation demanded. Granted the odds of winning the senate were always grim, but the integrity or our courts are lost for a generation and Fox & Frauds will continue to placate this orange pariah as we race toward ruin. We’ve shot beyond the point of no return on our planet’s viability, on our court’s authoritarianism, and on our overall drift toward fascism. Even our booming economy is showing signs of losing sight of the shoreline as our deficits hit $22-trillion this month while the president guts the last of the Wall Street regulations and consumer protections. Remember what a big deal deficits were when Obama was forced to create a new economic model to avoid the Bush Depression? Now that they’re skyrocketing, for no actual reason, let’s go back to ignoring them. Barring the slim chance of an annulment our judicial system is locked on authoritarian mode. Trust me, ideologically speaking they’ll land somewhere between Federalists and Nazi Federalists. But I’ll let you be the inquisitor. And, to save himself, our president may attempt to become a permanent fixture over on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. So I have only one more question for you, my friend, how the hell did you miss all of this shit?
[Benghazi joke removed by the editor, placed in a small box, and buried with the hamster in the backyard.]