I WANT TO BELIEVE:  American Digest Isn’t Abducting Our X-Files Shit

Philadelphia, PA – CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, is not playing games. He wants to send a clear message to American Digest, who, last week, posted a picture eerily similar to the Discord’s. That message being that this behavior won’t be tolerated.

“The t-shirts are the main concern,” said Winslow. “We could easily sell 5 or 6 of those at a net profit of something ranging toward a cool Grant.”

“A grand?”

“No, a Grant….fifty bucks,” clarified Winslow. “So send us fifty bucks, American Digest, and we’re even. Or, you’ll be hearing from a Mr. Cohen.”

Mr. Winslow was asked if he would still sue if the picture in American Digest proved to be posted before his own. He was also asked why the Daily Discord fails to copyright anything.

“Details!” replied Winslow. “Copyrighting is for pussies. We stole the balloon pic from the Drudge Report, fair and square, and then Sean Kelsey worked his Photoshop magic that very night. It happened like this: our guy Zano thinks of the idea as he’s watching that silver balloon sail across the Colorado sky. He thinks of this stuff because he’s not well, you see. His thoughts are then broadcast across the noosphere, amplifying throughout the morphic resonance.”

When asked to explain that last statement, Mr. Winslow went into a tangential rant involving Carl Jung, Teilhard de Chardin and that old ‘Hey Vern’ guy.

When asked how he plans to prove damages in court, Winslow said, “Look, our post is better. The morphic resonance acts like a filter so, by the time their guy thought of it, the thing is dumbed down a bit. ‘Balloon Boy’ doesn’t even appear anywhere on their picture. So in a few weeks, people are going to look at their t-shirt and say, what the hell is that a giant portabella mushroom in the sky? Sure it might have some appeal in certain psychedelic circles, but for the most part it’s crap! Now, if you will excuse me, Matt Drudge is texting me in ALL CAPS.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.