Dumb Texts

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This page is dedicated to the non stop dumb ass texts that are exchanged regularly between Discord Staff. Each week we pick our favorite to share with our four fans.

 

Since Switching To IPAs I Haven’t Noticed This Phytoestrogen ‘Man Boob’ Thing… At All

Flagstaff, AZ—I moved to the southwest several beers ago and I have since shifted my tastes toward more western-style IPAs. Brewifest Destiny? Now I have come to discover, via a recent NPR segment, that hops are the direct cause of man boobs. And here I though it was because of my addiction to Cheese Doodles…

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Put The Fish Bladder Back Guinness Or I’m Cancelling Happy Hour At Murphy’s!

Las Vegas,  NV—It’s been awhile since I’ve paid homage to the Guinness Gods, but I wish I was returning to this topic under better circumstances. I bring terrible news. It’s not about the Mets; it’s much worse. Guinness is taking the trace amounts of fish bladder from their famous malt-roasted magic. I know, I know,…

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U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program Into Brewery

U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program into Brewery

Tehran, IR—The State Department is hailing the recent development of Iran’s decision to convert their uranium enrichment facilities into breweries as a “major achievement”. Iran won’t have any power but they will have porters. The United Nations supports Iran’s decision to brew beer and approved the distribution of cans, bottles, and growlers. They have yet to give Tehran the go-ahead to produce 22 oz. bombers as there remains a lingering fear that this could be a gateway size.

Iran Brewery will feature several flagship beers including a dry-hopped Infidel IPA, a Sharia Sour, a peach-flavored Genocider, and a Death to American Pale Ale. The Mohammed Malt Liquor was pulled from the racks, however, after an artist died on the rack for what Iran officials are calling “a label design mishap.”

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