Dr. Zaius Banishes Democratic Leadership to Forbidden Zone

Dr. Zaius Banishes Democratic Leadership to Forbidden Zone

Dr. Zaius, Minister of Science, has charged the Obama Administration with gross budgetary negligence. He believes the failure to address the serious monetary concerns facing the global financial system at this critical juncture in history comes with dire consequences for mankind.

“With the increasing likelihood of the collapse of the U.S. dollar, only cutting discretionary spending is absurd! This is precisely the moment when humanity allows apes to become the dominant species on the planet,” warns Zaius. 

Dr. Zaius is calling for Obama and his key aides to be led to the edge of the Forbidden Zone and banished forever into the wasteland.  Zaius came to the decision after strongly considering the option to have them sent Beneath the Planet of the Apes—a plan that posed logistical difficulties, not the least of which involves the laws of physics. Dr. Zaius called for those exiled to be castrated, but chimps and gorillas outvoted orangutans 2 to 1 prohibiting the barbaric procedure. 

To prepare for the coming apocalypse the Zaius suggests burying the Statue of Liberty up to her chest in sand.

And, in related news, Dr. Cornelius and Dr. Zira have been arrested on heresy charges for supporting the U.S. treasury’s recent activity.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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