News & Politics

News & Politics

Top 10 Reasons Trump Will Never Step Down

00

By September of 2018, Trump’s even more frantic and reckless as his allies are falling one by one to Mueller, or were fired, or fled of their own volition. The Republicans may well be sacrificing their party on the long term for their loyalty to this dangerous clown. Trump will likely destroy the GOP as more young people register to vote and join the resistance. Yet despite his ongoing attempts to destroy the country, the environment, and his political party, it looks like Trump would rather go down in flames than grab a golden tower parachute.

The Original 25th Amendment To The Constitution Is Missing

Washington—The curator of the National Archives notified The White House today that the 25th Constitutional Amendment has been removed from the museum. Today the amendments go from the 24th directly to the 26th. According to the curator of the National Archives, Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Gastropub, the document was wiped from the records and the amendment itself, signed by the 89th Congress in 1967, is missing. Dr. Hogbein said, “The document disappeared sometime over the weekend, and all references to the amendment itself were removed from the Library of Congress via a search/replace Word feature. The document must have been smuggled out, so someone please check Sandy Berger’s pants.” The missing 25th Amendment allows for a sitting president to be impeached if deemed an “ass-clown”. Many are calling the timing of this incident ‘suspicious’. 

ANTIFA Claims Responsibility For Hurricane Maria’s Inflated Death Toll!

San Jaun, PR—The liberal fascist group known as ANTIFA is claiming responsibility for the vast majority of deaths contributed to Maria, a category four hurricane that struck President Trump’s twitter feed last September. In an effort to inflate the number of deaths, which stands at nearly 3,000, an ANTIFA sleeper cell woke up and started unhooking old people’s oxygen and raiding the last of their supplies. The head of ANTIFA’s operation in Puerto Rico, who is also named Antifa, said, “If they had some soup left, we ate the soup. If they were taking meds, we sold the meds. During the clean up we even dragged some of the trees back onto the roadways. Oh, and, when we were tallying those killed by the storm, we counted by 12s. It got hard eventually, because 12s are hard to count by. We estimate that the storm itself was only responsible for a couple of dozen deaths, aka two, but we were able to inflate that number in a big way through some good old fashioned liberal nastiness.”

A Defiant Hurricane Florence Takes Selfie Before Slamming Into Carolinas

The Ocean—Florence, a category-four hurricane with sustainable winds up to 130mph, is bearing down on the nation’s southeastern coast at this hour. The unwanted visitor is clearly in violation of new Maritime Meteorological laws. The Department of Justice is considering charging the storm with speeding, disorderly conduct, and aiding & abetting oceanic mischief. If the storm chooses to make landfall in the U.S. illegally, additional charges are being floated involving stuff floating, misappropriation of water, and conspiracy to commit tidal surges. In a rare tweet of solidarity with his own Attorney General, President Trump said, “Turnaround at once, Florence, and go back to whatever Shit Hole Country You came from!! Otherwise Cyclone meet ICE #AnyDeportationInAStorm “

10 Comparisons To Help Folks Shift From ‘Spygate’ To The Cresting Constitutional Crisis (KKK)

Do you have a confused friend perseverating on Fox News-esque distractions instead of the news? Since I do, let’s call this an intervention post. I’m trying to help my friend and blogvesary shift his focus from the actions of the Feds, who rightly identified a brewing executive constitutional crisis, toward those who are perpetuating this pending disaster. My friend remains fixated on some perceived intelligence community wrongdoing in an effort to avoid this slow moving republic ending/coup/con/circus/collapse. We’re not going to do this with facts, as Republicans are immune, so let’s try some handy dandy comparisons to drive this important point home:

10. If this were middle-Earth you’d be ignoring the presence of the dark riders in the Shire only to focus on the lousy dinner special at the Green Dragon. In my friend’s defense, it’s true, the dinner special—something called ‘low tide chicken’—is tanking on middle-Yelp.

Top 10 Reasons To Confirm Kavanaugh To The Supremes

Trump’s Supreme Court appointee Brett Kavanaugh’s senate confirmation hearings are over …no questions answered. Republicans are throwing all caution, fairness, or logic to the wind to get this judge confirmed before their president is arrested or impeached (or both). This move for more power could end up coming with a hefty price tag, but Brett represents their perfect appointee. Let’s review the impressive powers of deduction behind this monumentally piss poor choice:

10. Who needs the women, minority, youth, or educated voters to win elections? (See: the Electoral College.)

9. Because one more conservative SCOTUS pick and we’ll have a gaggle.

Spygate Revisited: Hold On, Pokey, Is Your Cult Calling My Cult A Cult?

The Republicans were a cult long before the libs created their safe space version. Cult of anti-personality? In response to my blogvesary’s last post, here’s a quick historical account: Oliver North zipped it to save President Reagan, Scooter Libby zipped it to save President Cheney and Paul Manfort is now zipping it to save President Ass-clown Hitler. Our president considers Paul Manafort a “brave man” while he mulls a pardon. Trump places this creep on the same white collar pedestal he reserves for himself. And who exactly is protecting the lefties amidst this grand counter-intelligence conspiracy of yours? …a bunch of rightwing spooks? Really? This is your narrative, Charlie Brown? I know when I changed my registration from independent to Dem it was to secretly conspire against progressivism. Iran Contra-diction? Hmmm. Why don’t you ask the real question here, what exactly spooked all the spooks down in Spookville?

Discord Designs Non-evasive ‘Danger Identification Test’ To Determine Political Brain Function

Concern for our Republican friend’s ability to process information is growing throughout the scientific community. This is especially true when it comes to ones ability to identify dangers. Thanks to recent studies using MRI and brain scanning technology, science is getting ever closer to understanding the conservative brain. Too much Fox News viewing can result in an overly-worked and oversized amygdala. This important brain structure helps us identify dangers and is the part of the brain associated with survival instincts. Our perception of danger can become skewed with long term 24/7 news propaganda. A nonstop fear response results in excessive blood flow to this region that over time causes a form of political PTSD. Certain themes can trigger the amygdala shifting our perception from the mundane to the monstrous. This is why Fox-watching is now the fifth F of primal human behavior. Once the reptilian brain is activated many of the higher functions of the frontal lobes are overridden. Sound familiar? This can even happen in a polling booth. Take this simple test to see if your amygdala suffers from Fox Fatigue Syndrome (FFS). These questions get progressively harder and progressively more progressive. If at any point this test becomes too intense, turn on Fox News or your favorite AM radio station and bitch about border security, minorities or millennials before completing this important assessment tool.

Take this test today. You have the right to know!

You Are Right About The Grave Peril Our Country Faces, Zano, But Who’s Really To Blame?

In your last article you wrongly claim that I failed to answer the question about Comey throwing the election. Now, will you acknowledge I did answer the question using James Comey’s own words? He thought the appearance of bias would delegitimize Clinton’s presidency. The motivation for a person to appear unbiased is usually rooted in bias. If Comey thought Trump would have had a chance in the election, he probably would not have done it. He acknowledges that himself and we can see by Comey’s actions since Trump was elected president that he took actions solely for the purpose of derailing the Trump presidency.