I’ve Got Your Political Tinfoil Hat Decoder Ring, Right Here!

I’ve always had a certain level of suspicion, after all, I spent the better part of my college career hanging out with a dude in a fedora and a ‘Question Authority’ t-shirt. My instincts, thereby, are to follow folks down these rabbit holes, depending on the fairy tale, of course. But rarely have I found these deep dives into the right-wing conspiracy trenches worthwhile, as they typically list toward the Jay Ward ‘fractured’ variety. Twenty years of this endeavor can be captured best by YouTubing QAnon predictions to the Depp-Heard trial transcript, while being waterboarded. Some disturbing details are typically uncovered regarding “how the sausage is made,” and then interest wanes when the indictment fervor fades. Simple reform isn’t among the rightwinger’s hobby interests. The punch line comes from the deeper dive, when you uncover who made such actions legal in the first place. More of these roads lead to Lord Reagan than I ever imagined. The DNC’s treatment of Bernie Sanders in 2016—particularly Hillary’s role—is probably the most tangible wrongdoing on the left, but on some level republicans appreciate such tactics and probably took notes. Despite this, staying vigilant in the Age of Misinformation is important because this mountain-sized pile of Foxal matter represents the perfect place to hide a real scandal. It’s the virtual haystack in which to drop any size needle. If Hillary does murder someone, she has but to drop a breadcrumb over at Infowars, and she’s golden. On other side, Donald Trump just shot someone in the face on 5th Avenue and said, “See?”

My friend and blogvesary, the most industrious truffle hunter I know, is at it again. Whereas I have some sympathy for his ‘beware the puppet masters’ rhetoric and commend his recent worldview shift to both sides suck, I’m not sure he gets the actual level of informational sewage in which he consistently wades. I have encouraged him to open a window, take a deep breath, or give 1984 a whirl again, as well as some of Van Halen’s earlier albums.

Pokey: Okay, Zano, it’s time to admit we’ve been algorithmically programmed to simply choose a side in some periphery issue and fight against one another, endlessly. That is what’s happening. Artificial dividers, like abortion, pit two side against each other so that we remain distracted from the international banking forces actually engineering these divisions. That’s why I thought the Trump-Israeli collusion subject is so telling. I am sending you a link.

Zano: Great, I’ll alert the folks at McAfee.

Pokey: Just open your mind, real wide. The Dems will report on Russian collusion as a distraction from the real problem of Israeli collusion, which neither side is permitted to address. That’s why I am now bringing up subjects to challenge Republicans and Democrats alike. Trump, and MAGA in particular, must at least acknowledge the foreign interests, namely how Russia and Israel have infiltrated their movement up to this point if they are to present a viable “America First” platform. You call it a “rot on the right,” I see it as the last a glimmer of hope. Republicans might acknowledge these facts.

Zano: If by ‘acknowledge’ you mean endless MAGA tirades on a variety of social media platforms designed to break apps like Grammarly, sure. Sorry to step on your glimmer with grammar, my friend. So it’s the old distraction-of-the-distraction-via-the-distraction routine, eh? Wasn’t that my idea? Sorry, I was distracted. I don’t think any of this needs to be artificially orchestrated. The Illuminati need not apply. Half the country truly wants these things that, as it turns out, are terrible things for our future, our economy, and our children.

Pokey: Is there any indication that the Dems are prepared to acknowledge the fact that their party has been infiltrated by Chinese, Israeli, Russian, and Ukrainian agents and interests? I would like to see both parties beginning their platform by acknowledging the existential threat we all face. First, we must directly address the foreign interests that have already infiltrated both parties.

Zano: Is the GOP prepared to acknowledge how they are on the verge of ending our species through a combination of inaction, ignorance, and greed? Sure, no one’s listening anymore, but how does your last dubious link top that? And why choose the side wholly incapable of processing anything? While I’ve covered the ills of Israel and Russia ad inifinitum, you’ve consistently championed the wrong side(s), while ignoring an impeachment hearing on the same subject matter. Were this my personal life, I’d be negotiating the safe return of my Dylan CDs, curbside. Remember when I declared political discourse dead, over a decade ago? I did this for a reason, because your glimmer of hope—namely, the rise of MAGA—represented the end of my own. They are the cause, not the solution to any problem.

What I find interesting is what you find so interesting. Yes, Israel is spying on the US and, yes, the US is spying on Israel …and everybody else is spying on everybody else, provided they have the technical prowess to do so. Remember Merkel caught Obama spying on her directly. And they were besties! Everyone’s doing it, Poke, even the good guys (whoever they are). Where the hell have you been?

For this one, you sent me a link to The Renegade Tribunal? The only people harboring the truth are raging anti-Semitics? Did you read that article? I think you just gave my Fake News site malware. I’ve always assessed both parties, accordingly, but I’ve accomplished this minus all the Reptoids Among Us links. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to don the old tinfoil hat now and again and chase a CHUD or two, because, your instincts are correct, shit is certainly up, but can’t we approach any of this from at least a modicum of journalesquisms?

[Pokey did follow this comment up with a “no, no, not that link, this one,” but, tough, I already read it and can’t unread it. Link to malware available upon request, otherwise let’s moveon.org.]

Pokey: Did you hear the latest “news story”—a white suppressors went on a racist killing spree. Just watch how this narrative transforms into “free speech” and “right to bear arms” = racist white supremacy. Therefore, the federal government must step in to censor free speech and establish gun controls. Over the last 2 weeks we’ve got: 1) “Abolish a woman’s right to choose” 2) “Racist free speech” 3) “White supremacist gun owners.” I’ve heard nothing about Israel’s active infiltration of US institutions with the most power cyber security (spyware) system on the planet. Neither party is permitted to address this—a real existential threat to our national sovereignty.

Zano: That’s a lot to unpack, Poke, and all they gave me is one of those narrow armoire thingies. Sure, our two-opposing-narrative system is nothing new, but which side is open to new info, Poke? Really? Yes, the right will entertain the latest installment of the reptilian agenda, which the rest of us finds entertaining.

Let’s take two recent mutual-friend-chat examples:

The Left: my friend Alex’s FB thread hashed out the mutual attack (D and R) on our freedom of speech (with clearly shifting views condemning both parties on this issue).

The Right: one of your main readers, presumably having voted for Dubya and Trump twice, doesn’t feel “duped by anything.”

Sure, that’s an n of two, but wow, one of your key reader’s views …well, it’s draw dropping. I think even a Sauron-NASA collaboration couldn’t find conservative insight, even with the aid of the folks at LensCrafters.

This same R-Pokey fan is the same person who wrote an article on this very site labeling Obama with a “textbook narcissistic personality disorder” (in the title, no less). No link back, but I’d gladly hit cancel. Ever heard of the word projection? Does (R-anywhere) have any capacity for self-reflection? I can’t find much evidence in the news or at the BBQ. In.Twenty.Years. Thus my incessant blogging on the subject. There’s some scant insight on the left, but it’s wholly absent in ‘Murica. In fact, if you held up a card with the word ‘insight’ written on it at a MAGA rally, you’d likely be shot.

As for Stuxnet 2.0, Leon Panetta sounded the alarm on the coming cyber wars after 9/11, and we haven’t heard bupkis ever since. The interesting part of this issue is how we have quietly shifted to banking online. Little by little, they are stopping us from conducting business the old-fashioned way, and now every tap of the keyboard and image is sent to some cloud. Our personal computer is now wholly a collective cloud-dweller that can be turned off with a flick of a switch, held for ransom, or used as blackmail. Why aren’t libertarians getting on this shit? Rand’s got to be somewhere on this, right? …Randsome-ware? Sorry.

No one is protecting us and your ‘potential saviors’ are leading us to the slaughter. We don’t need a foreign threat, this can all be handled by our next president, who will likely be part autocrat and/or part theocrat, at least if your basket of hopefuls has anything to say about it. I think rightwingers, including you, have done a huge disservice passing around this endless garbage.

Pokey: Maybe you missed the point. Checkout this one. Many Israelis discovered to be spying in US leading up to 9/11–but the Israelis were actually spying on the Arab terrorists. They all decided not to report it, but you can be assured that Israel had nothing to do with 9/11…even though the elimination of regional strongman Hussein was helpful to Israel’s “National security”—nothing to see here.

Zano: If true, this is unconscionable, yet somehow not surprising. Netanyahu is a raging populist, so getting the US to fight his wars for him is a good move on the chessboard. What’s a few thousand American lives between frenemies? I have been critical of this warmonger for a decade or more. Meanwhile, the right has protected him and his deeds at every turn. Why? Because they are somehow always wrong, which, again, isn’t supposed to be possible. If true, this should be publicly outted, but it’s unlikely to happen for a variety of reasons (plausible deniability for one). One problem, your ‘sources,’ and, second, we already have enough known-known reasons to defund this apartheid-driving, war criminal. I don’t want to minimize this accusation, if true, but we need some actual reporting (journalism over tribalism).

Populists are on the rise across the globe and all of these leaders, whether Trump, Johnson, Modi, Erdogan, or Netanyahu each bring their own challenges, which is why I would never have voted for any of these people in the first place. None of them play well with others, because they are all trying to Make (your country’s name here) Great Again!

Pokey: Might I remind you, Israel has the 3rd most aggressive spying campaign against the U.S., behind China and Russia; and Israel receives gigantic amounts of ongoing of  U.S. military aide. National Sovereignty = instituting policies that promote national interests, constitutional traditions,  self-sufficiency, and independence. Encourage all other nations to pass policies that promote their own national sovereignty and interests.

Zano: Well, I have remained critical of Israel for a variety of reasons, but, yes, maybe this will soon be added to the list. Meanwhile, long ago, I chose to stay focused on either the reform or elimination of the GOP as a political entity, because we can’t get out of our own way while they exist. I realize this is quite hopeless, so is our ability to climb out of this Kola Borehole we now find ourselves. The GOP is a huge smoky mirror that, unless shattered, will never afford us a view of anything relevant. Think funhouse mirror, minus the fun. Twenty years ago, when I started this level of rhetoric, it was a relatively new concept—at least magnitude wise—but now it’s conventional wisdom. If only someone had listened. To your credit, you have tried to clean the smokey mirror, but you typically use something that leaves a film on the surface. Don’t you hate when that happens? I do, so read more Discord. It’s Win-windex!

Pokey: Over the last century bankers and financiers have invested in both political parties to promote policies that incrementally relinquish our national sovereignty in the promotion of increased global centralization of power. The Left called it Progressivism; the Right called it Neo-Conservatism.  And look where we are now? The WHO is establishing global authority to institute lockdowns, vaccines, masks, vaccine passports, etc. whenever the next “pandemic” arrives. And then there’s also this proxi-war with Russia in Ukraine that attempts to institute some Ministry of Truth, domestically…

Zano: Yes, and if one party hadn’t backed the agenda of the banks, 100% of the time, while blocking all meaningful legislation… (sigh). Anyway, let’s establish a Ministry of Silly Walks!

Pokey: Agreed. But no head napkin, this time.




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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.