Scientist Warns Of Immanent China Syndrome-Style Meltdown Of Trump’s Ego

Washington, DC—At least one scientist believes the current Trump impeachment scenario could imperil the entire planet and is therefore sounding the alarm. Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube, said, “This week’s hearings strike at the very core of Trump’s ego, which, if ruptured, is large enough to melt straight through to the Earth’s core. The president’s ego is supersized, so if it were a star its death throes would create a black hole; if it were a wave it would form a MAGA-tsunami, and were it a late night McDonald’s order, it would come with a very, very large coke and fries.”

Critics of the theory claim it’s not supported by scientific research, but, off the record, some scientists admit they don’t really know what might happen when an ego of this magnitude takes such a public proverbial shit. Some are not ruling out the possible scenario wherein a heat spike from Trump’s collapsing ego could trigger an unstoppable fusion reaction.

[Fusion GPS joke removed from this dossier.]

Dr. Hogbein maintains, “The meltdown of Trump’s ego could break physics, break dance, even break wind itself. Remember that Mexican kingpin tunneler, El Chapo? Think: an escape tunnel large enough to stop the rotation of the Earth’s core.”

Authorities fear the president could use the trench created by his own imploding ego to escape through a wormhole moments before the planet “goes the full Alderaan.”

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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