There’s only one way to avoid the pending Iran debacle and the solution reminds me of that time on the Millennium Falcon when Han Solo encouraged C3P0 to: “Let the Wookiee win.” If we’re going to spare some blood and treasure by avoiding another senseless war, to say nothing of getting our arms pulled out of their sockets, we need to heed Han’s advice on this one. What if we re-sign the same Iran Deal with the addition of some Trump accolades, a bucket of exclamation points, several hashtags, and then drop the Flesch-Kincaid reading level to accommodate the typical Fox viewer? I guarantee you our president hasn’t read even one sentence of the original agreement, so he wont notice. If someone within the Trump administration would back my scheme then We.Got.This.Shit. Disaster averted. If everyone both here and abroad would agree to be in on the joke we could resurrect the Iran Deal, call it the Trump Deal, and effectively let the Wookiee win.
Two key GOP factions have emerged in recent years, the greedy part and the eager-to-blow-shit-up part. Both sides seem determined to lead our country to ruin. It’s like Death Race 2000 only there are no points for running people over. In fact, there are no points to it at all. As things escalate with Tehran, many believe our president represents the best chance to keep the warmongers within his own administration in check. Whereas there’s some truth to that statement, it’s not horribly comforting. There’s a difference between a firewall and a dumpster fire. It’s kind of like having the eight year old watch the four year old …except neither of them are that old.
I haven’t mentioned my Democratic dream ticket yet here on The Discord, primarily because I.Don’t.Have.One. After hearing my first Obama speech in 2007, I immediately got that fabled Mathewsuian “thrill up my leg,” and then I hoped he’d pick Joe as VP, because, hell, I have another leg, dammit! And, thankfully, he did—a decision Obama later called “among his best.” Granted, this election is thus far devoid of any leg thrills, but there’s one key mission in 2020: what is the best ticket to beat Herr Ass-clown? And I’m not talking about beating our president in a leather-clad-Stormy-Daniels-with-a-rolled-up-newspaper kind of way. I would, but I can’t comment on a bending investigation. I wonder if Trump’s ass is like Silly Putty and, after the hooker spanks him with a newspaper, you can still read Hannity’s talking points? Inquiring minds want to …buy the Enquirer! Wow. That Stormy image will stick in your brain forever, so I’m already sorry about this article. Can I call a Muellerigan? Back to the general election in 2020 …which is hindsight² …which is not something I’m apparently capable of today. Image still there… burning putty image…
[Winslow: Strong work, Zano, we’re already out of ellipses. I’ve ordered more.]
John Nerst, a self-described Nerstian, created a potential new field of study he calls Erisology. He named this budding discipline after Eris, the Greek goddess of Discord, so he had me from “hello!” Nerst hopes to spotlight the misconceptions surrounding today’s debates as well as the perspectives, assumptions, and worldviews currently hindering our daily discourse. Biases are certainly bogging us down a bit—a recent example? After a 22-month investigation, the Mueller report changed about ten people’s minds across America. Most of us remain either in the full exoneration, or hang ’em from the nearest tree camp. In the interests of bipartisanship, why can’t we do both? Authentic exchanges are exceedingly rare these days, just check out that last sentence. Nerst is proposing some rules of engagement with the hopes of saving the debate and perhaps limit the impact of our increased polarization. On that note, I asked Mr. Nerst to debate me at the next Let’s Hang Trump From The Nearest Tree Meetup Group, but he has yet to FB message me.
What have I been up to lately, besides bingeing on “true” horror stories and proofing my latest novel? After celebrating Patriot’s Day, I also hit one of the rare and lonely rivers which cuts through southern Arizona, the San Pedro. But enough about me; today I intend to actually finish something I started. I hope my parents haven’t just fainted. It involves the environment and how there may still be time to save it.
My friend and blogvesary has more questions about the Russia probe, but, suffice to say, Warren Zevon just went home with a waitress with Russian ties and that ended badly—offhand this seems much worse. Here’s another long comment from my friend that deserves a more in depth response. Enjoy!
Pokey: Here’s some of your recent quotes, Zano: “Trump’s peeps lied across the board,” “web of wrongdoing,” “Trump’s clear felonies.” These are more generalizations. Specifics please.
[Winslow: you crashed the server again, Zano. Think summary.]
Tweet Tower—It’s hard to grasp the full descent of American politics in 2019, a time when watching certain news sources makes you less informed and listening to a SOTU address will make you a little less aware of our actual State of our Union. As for Russiagate, I knew annulment was a longshot and the last best hope for a course correction has apparently fizzled. Now this country and this planet will bear the brunt of the rest of this populist shit show. Just as it’s hard to tell a Republican president with Dementia from the usual variety. It’s similarly difficult to distinguish legal business dealings from blatantly criminal ones. These lines are becoming forever blurred as we shift deeper into this late stage democracy. Our political scheissgeist reminds me of when Gozer the Gozerian demanded that the Ghostbusters, “Choose the form of the Destructor!” And then a moment later said, “The choice is made.” Venkman is like, “Whoa, wait a minute! Liberals, did you choose anything?” No. “Independents, did you choose anything?” No. “Republicans?” …It just popped into our head. That guy from The Apprentice, a selfmade businessman, a real Atlas Shrugged guy, a man who couldn’t possibly mean capitalism any harm.
“The Grifter has come.”
No matter what it says or means, the Mueller report is an unmitigated disaster. At the very least it will improve Trump’s chances of winning a second term and our fascist in chief is already starting his own brand of revenge porn, aka prying healthcare from millions more Americans between tweets #Winning! Republicans are saying the liberal media should apologize for an investigation into Russian interference into the 2016 election that netted 27 indictments and proved the Russians interfered in the 2016 election. Nice. These folks can spin anything and this is their Pizzagate de resistance. Where is your apology for the seven investigations into Benghazi that led to no indictments, related or otherwise? Where is the apology for Spygate and this ‘insurance policy’ that apparently we never should have been paying those premiums on? Sorry, passing this one hurdle does not exonerate the village idiots in the room; it simply allows them to do more damage before the truth becomes apparent.
My blogvesary’s recent comment-bombing campaign reached new levels of absurdity this week. Pokey said, “Your statement, Zano, how ‘fascism is here already’ is a baseless claim. It’s a claim that is repeated, without evidence, by the democrats in a stream of propaganda that rivals the soviets.” Wow. My friend is not mincing words, just concepts. Of course, we need to move left amidst this populist assault on reason. Whereas this new Duck Soup will include a little Bernie, will it contain some Marx and Mao? And how far left is too far? I don’t think we need to worry about that, probably ever. Big Pharma, big Aetna, and the Big Kahuna in office aren’t going down anytime soon. You can lead Gumby’s horse to Watergate, but ya can’t make him think? Again, we have a sociopathic authoritarian-wannabe in office; a man so legally cornered and mentally unfit that, if and when his high crimes and misdemeanors are exposed as high crimes and misdemeanors, he’s currently hedging his bets by stoking a violent uprising. But I know why you’re giving him a pass, Poke, you want some of that luke-warm victory fast food! McWinning! This is going to be the good kind of violence! The best violence!! #AskNotWhatUCanDo4McDonalds. Despite hangin’ at this crucial crossroads, my friend refuses to even acknowledge our arrival in Robert Johnson country—after making that fateful deal with the devil.
My friend and blogvesary continues to ignore the very parallel dimension in which he resides. He refuses to acknowledge how liberals are thwarted, time and time again, when they attempt to push anti-corruption legislation. Today’s example is ‘dark money’. Both parties use lobbyist-laden dark money, aka untraceable donations that propel their agendas, but per Mother Jones reporting over the last decade the totals vary greatly: R = $763.2 and D = $235.8. This week the Resisters tried to pass HR 1, an anti-corruption bill that would make all money traceable, but Mitch McConnell called it a “socialist power grab” …boogey, boogey, boogey! Uh, read the title of this article again, Mr. McConnell. You’re showing your horns and Mitchfork again.