Features

Political features and current events

The Federal Reserve Has No Reserves And Is Not Even Federal! There’s No Gold In Them There Banks

Zano’s recent reflections on our decade-plus debate showed some rare insights. What next, funny jokes? The causes of our nation’s polarization are many, but there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to our political divisions. I’ve recently come to the conclusion the ultra-powerful people in the world do prosper by keeping our nation divided. They do this by keeping us all focused on superficial controversies meant as a distraction from the deeper, more ominous issues threatening our sovereignty. I’ve come to believe there are international bankers who have infiltrated, compromised, and ultimately control both parties as well as every corner of the political landscape. Yes, I’m going to go a tad Rothschild/Illuminati here. Not too much, though, just a teaspoon PRN. But isn’t this the lesson from the 2004 presidential campaign? If you recall both John Kerry (D) and George W. Bush (R) had both been bum-fuck initiated into the same secret society, Skull and Bones, at Yale University. Doesn’t Skull and Bones imply piracy? Maybe there isn’t so much separating Democrats v Republicans, but the fallout does allow these international pirates to claim their booty and threaten our national sovereignty. Please don’t add a booty joke, Zano …I’m asking nicely.

Minus Facts, Civil Discourse Can No Longer Be Considered Civil Or Even Discourse


Debating the merits of the Republican party is futile, because they don’t have any. Endlessly conveying to my blogvesary how discourse is dead has become Ray-Charles-at-a-shooting-range aimless. Polarization has led us to this place of irreconcilable political differences. To his credit, Pokey saw this coming too. Whereas he blames liberalism for creating an immoral societal malaise, I place the sad state of our union squarely at the doorstep of the GOP …hold the malaise? As for the media, my fear has always been that MSNBC would follow the money and become an alternate ideological echo-chamber. Fox left? This would then cause the impermeable GOP-bubble to spread libward. Whereas this is happening, my rebuttal to the Pokester remains: if your endgame was to elect a sociopathic ass-clown to the Oval Office, no one should care to review the particulars on how you reached that sad, royal turd of a conclusion. Crowning bereavement?

Mick Zano’s Manifest Demstiny Or Go Left, Young Man!

Back around 1840, Horace Greely encouraged pioneers to “go west, young man” with decidedly mixed results. He likely made this proclamation safely from a Greenwich Village pub. In that spirit of spirits, on this the first day of the week, aka Mojito Monday, I’m encouraging a shift progressiveward. Half measures will no longer suffice (see: Obamacare, or Hillary Campaign). Go big, or go Rome. We must run on a more progressive platform. Republicans keep doubling down on their wrongness, so why not double down on our rightness? Novel idea, eh? If you follow political trends, our nation tends to muddle through under liberal-centrists, but struggles mightily under more conservative leadership. So let’s do something completely different! Let’s break away from the indifferent model. We’ve thoroughly vetted the pragmatic political passivity approach, which, like that depressed body builder, stopped working out. Apapathetic?

Donald Trump: Constitutional Scholar Or Return Of the Prodigal Dumb?

Pokey is singlehandedly blowing up our comment threads again, which is actually a welcome change from the usual spam. As tradition dictates, most of his comments equate to the old rightwing bait-n-switch. Whether he realizes it or not, the right’s recent social media  two-step is an effort to quell the increasing cognitive dissonance and avoid the whole, ‘Oops, we kind of elected a braindead fascist to run the free world.’ What’s the worst that could happen? I’m actually fine with a full collapse, anything to avoid having to binge watch the next season of Netflix’s Gotham. Just throw out your copy of the Constitution, Pokey, your president already has. Kidding, he never had one.

Post Election Disorder? How about Probably Irreversible Shit Show Election Disorder (PISSED!)

Tweet Tower—Why was the fight-or-flight response triggered in so many of us in November? Some mental health professionals are calling it Post Election Stress Disorder, but I think it’s more of an Acute Trump Response. I admit I’m having a hard time adjusting to the grim realities of a republican super-majority. Once spooked, our sympathetic nervous system floods our body with hormones. And here I was blaming all the IPAs for my man boobs. Say you’re snorkeling and a large dark shape darts passed you. Your body might be on a heightened state of alert for some time, even long after security escorts you out of the aquarium. As for this shark named Trump, all the beer in Milwaukee doesn’t seem to be quelling this heightened state of unease (burp). So to pass the time until the collapse, why not invest in some stocks in the Bro or the Manziere?

A Sociopathic President With An Abby Normal Brain? Buy Stock In Pitchforks & Torches

When I refer to President Trump as a sociopath that gives us some idea how he may govern and, eventually, un-govern. A narcissist like Trump will not handle defeat lightly, bigly unlightly. Trump’s response to his own immanent failure will likely be catastrophic. Some key psych peeps out there disagree with me on this one. What?! This farcissistic spoofy-o-path won’t tolerate dissent! George W. Bush was just incompetent, but Trump represents a diagnostical and diabolical downgrade (DDD). I didn’t think even our right-leaning friends could miss all the clues associated with this guy’s unhingedness. Kidding, each news cycle they miss more clues than Inspector Clouseau on a fentanyl drip. If you remain a 21st century Republican, you have to ask yourself the age old Zano question: do I just come to the wrong conclusion about every issue on Earth on my own, or have I had help? You need to understand, your party has become an anti-intellectual, delusional movement that mimics a form of mental illness. As a collective you are only slighly healthier than your president. I’ve been discussing the personality disorder aspect inherent in the modern GOP for well over a decade now. From an emotional perspective you’re only slightly healthier than those Kool-Aid drinking Jim Jonesers, or those folks who tried to board that passing comet in the 90s. Hale-GOPP? Kidding, those peeps were at least savvy enough to leave Earth, pre-Donald.

As I’m Stepping Into The TwiRight Zone

The incoming administration will thrust our nation into one of the darker corners of The TwiRight Zone. The historical two punch resembles bookends: on one side we have 9/11, or more accurately our piss poor reaction to it, and on the other we have President Donald J. Trump. This election hit me harder than 9/11 as The Donald personifies our nation’s ideological, educational and developmental deficiencies. The Underachievables? Post 9/11, we watched W. gut our foreign policy safeguards, suspend habeas corpus, torture some folks, and then created the Orwellianesque NSA and drone program we enjoy today. Thoughtful discretion ruled for the last eight years, but now we are handing these expanded powers to a man child with an even more expanded ego. The Donald aims to finish what Incurious George started, so check please! And balances please! Kidding, those will become harder to find than a water filter in Flint, Michigan under Trump’s new EPA pick. David Frum and others believe our Constitutional firewalls will hold. They are wrong. Trump will rule like a strong man, well, a strong man with a brain-eating bacteria. Trumptofuccus? Somewhere President Samuel Adams is rolling over in his brewery.

Form Of Political Methane Has Inflated Both The DOW And Trump’s Ego

America is hooked on a feeling. A recent poll suggests more than 60% of our country is optimistic about a future under Trump. How do this many people get dropped on their head as children? I’m talking to you Child Protective Services. Wait, I’m being told they’ve disbanded in lieu of supportive Republican legislation. Stand Your Playground laws? Seriously, how long can this methane-based reality endure? Oh, that’s right, they’re gutting the EPA. Hmmm. What is it going to take to bring these people back from Narnia? The Lying Bitch In The War Room? Somewhere I can hear Bob Marley singing: don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing is going to be alt-right. Am I the only one worried about the coming Trumpocalypse? Whereas it’s true no one is actually pissing in my Cheerios, it’s only because I’m stocking up on the Malt-O-Meal equivalent, Shitty Os or something.

Let’s All Keep Our Political Discourse Civil, You Douchebags


There’s still no shortage of election blame, not to mention tons of players, factors and conspiracy theories abound. Who’s fault is it? We have fake news, real news, voter turnout, voter suppression, Comey, Putin, Bernie, Weiner, and even Weiner’s weiner played its part. The perfect reality show. In the end, what matters is this: a Trump presidency is unacceptable to those of us with a Clue. Colonel Mustard in the Pentagon with the Dementia? OK, how about Putin in the Observatory with the computer hacker? You say you want a revolution? Occupy virtual space? Our Constitution and our way of life are taking a shit, so why are we so preoccupied with civility? Let’s all stay calm, cool and collective until the next Civil War? Sounds reasonable. Let’s be clear, staying reasonable is the problem. Step one, the Civility War.

Real News Goes Rogue & The Fake Awakens: Pizzagate Matters!

twinkieMothershipMLWhat’s to come of spoof news in a post-truth world. It seems a tad surreal defending satire as we approach the end of our republic, but why not? This site probably won’t survive what Trump has planned for the internet anyway. 4G Notspot? Neither the folks in charge or the general public can distinguish between spoof, satire, fakeiness or truthiness anymore. In a post-truth world there’s more overlap with these newsy flavors than a Venn diagram with codependency issues. Hell, it took the rightwing years to even figure out that Colbert was making fun of them, so of course they’ll lump all these “fake news sites” into one bucket. Bucket of  …hmmm. Uh, Zano, Trump doesn’t even know the difference between Shiite and Sunni, so don’t we have bigger Daesh to drone? Maybe, but this subject is near and dear to my heart and has huge 1st Amendment implications. In fact, I’m betting Ass-Clown Hitler will use this fake news controversy as the impetus to end net neutrality and sell broadband to the highest bidder. That’s called irony.