Features

Political features and current events

Subdeplorable Trumpsick Blues

Most of us get up in the morning for work and drive over the structurally unsound bridge and then pass the accident at that same place …you know, the dangerous intersection the city keeps ignoring. But it’s all good. The cop writes the tickets while the mechanic, the tow truck, and the hospital get their cut and, hey, now they captured it all on camera to maximize litigation. Then you make it to work and report to the Board-selected sociopathwho, surprise surprise, the governing board identified as the only personality disorder anywhere near the top of the food chaina person whose sole, yet soulless, job is to figure out how to do more with less human resources. And you are a salaried employee, possibly in a right to work state, which translates as: you’re on call 24/7 and please work 50-80 hours a week or we’ll find someone else who will. Oh, and we can fire you without cause, just ’cause. You wander to the window where the facility guys have resumed emptying those skull & crossbone labeled barrels into in the culvert across from the park. Sure, the drinking water’s getting a little Flintier and the food is getting a little more salmonelliear, but we’re saving money, right?

Trump’s Annulment And The Aiding And Abetting Of A Known Felon

I’m going to cut my friend Pokey some slack. He’s just being used by our rightwing friends and lucky for him the inability to process information is not a crime. Devin Nunes and my friend Sean, on the other Hannity, are actively aiding and abetting a known felon. I’ve touched on this before, because I like to discuss what’s going to happen and avoid my friend’s approach, namely the misinterpretation of everything that already has. Many of us remain 90% sure that a variety of felonies are heading Trumpward. But others close to the president have known about this wide array of wrongdoing for a long time. Likely charges on the low end of the spectrum = obstruction of justice and a wave of white collar crimes. High end of the spectrum = full blown conspiracy + that other shit. The former should—and the operative word here is should—trigger impeachment proceedings. The latter should—and the operative word is should—trigger the full annulment of this administration. Team ass-clown is likely compromised to the Russians and the Saudis. Who knew? Uh, well, most of us. If it walks like a Trump and tweets like a Trump #ItsATrump. My above equation shows the results of such misdeeds in a functional democracy, which we no longer have. Yes, we ran past the point of no return on our environment and our democracy while half the country was too busy investigating the Clintons. Thanks? Today I want to talk about those enablers among us. Not my friend Pokey, a man blinded by the right, but those who are clearly aware of the wrongdoing and yet are protecting the enemy’s of democracy. Post Mueller’s findings, here’s who needs to fry for protecting Trump:

The GOP And The Ongoing Misappropriation Of Reason

Liberals are continuing to make a profound mistake hoping for some republican reformation, a day when the Trumpsters of the world will turn some ideological corner toward reason. Even after the next line of political debacles, no matter how costly, their zenwrongness will hold steady. Essentially 1 in 3 people in this country are impervious to reality. Most citizens are ill-informed, for sure, but this one swath of society has almost no chance of joining the vaguely sentient any time soon. They are locked in this political death spiral, forever tacking toward delusion, even as their champion of freedom gets one step closer to legal, economic, and political disaster every day. Liberals are sill holding onto the notion that, post Trump’s carnage, many will see the error of their ways and embrace some more sophisticated worldview. Let me dispel that notion today, in fact, let’s take said notion and separate if from its family, tear gas it, and banish it to parts south.

Death Racism 2000: Does History Suggest Libs Are Winning Or Losing The Tolerance Race?

My friend thinks Democrats are the main racists in today’s society as well as in the past. So liberals are secretly the alt-right, tiki-torch wielding hate mongers? Too bad that laundromat was closed on my way to Charlottesville. [Sheet out-of-luck joke removed by the editor.] What fun house mirror are you snorting PCP off of? Your trip down racism memory lane has some early signs of Dem-entia. If liberals have managed to weaponize immigration to their political advantage, it might actually balance the active voter suppression efforts of the Republican party. Besides, if immigrants are helping to oust the worst regime this country has ever seen—next to Dubya, of course—than kudos! My blogvesary, after losing every argument in the 21st century, is climbing into Mr. Peabody’s Way Back Machine for the sole purpose of arguing how Republicans were the progressives on the lead up to the civil war. What? An orange, Mussolini-like wrecking ball is occupying the oval office, right now! Look at him! Look at him! Stop trying to hide behind Jackson v Lincoln, which has little to no relevance.

Retraction Alert: you would not be the guy in 1930s Germany ignoring the rise of Hitler only to hyper-focus on the shortcomings of his rival, Hindenburg; you’d be the guy attributing the problems of the day to the Teutonic knights, who never should have let those liberal Templars “suck all the fun out of the 12th century.”

This article is in response to Pokey McDooris’s most recent, here.

Democrats and Racism: A Love Story

The Democratic Party’s history of racial politics stretches back to its foundation as Andrew Jackson rose to the power of the presidency (1830ish). Under Jackson’s leadership, thousands of Native American Indians were herded from their land and into detention camps called reservations. The Democratic Party also supported and fought to defend the practice of slavery until its abolition at the conclusion of the Civil War.

The Long And Sordid History Of Democrats And Immigration Reform

You’re right about one thing, Zano, the immigration issue is far more involved, philosophically and historically, than our political pundits or parties tend to comment. Traditionally it was assumed and required that all legal immigrants would assimilate into our nation by truly identifying as Americans while leaving behind the racial and ethnic past. Through the assimilation of our language, traditions, laws, customs, and culture, the Irish Americans freely chose to become an American of Irish descent. That’s the difference with today’s approach to immigration, and thereby the problem.

Calm Down, America! Much Like Anthony Weiner On Social Media These Caravans Tend To Peter Out

South of the Border—My friend and blogvesary has unknowingly been encouraged to weaponize the topic of immigration reform right before the midterms. He really thinks he’s coming up with this latest brainfart all by his lonesome, which is adorable. Yeah, let’s ignore the whole tyrant-minus-any-checks-&-balances thing so we may bring you the latest rightwing distraction, in caravan form. This issue is near and dear to their hateful hearts, isn’t it?

Supporting Fascism In The Name Of Freedom

Yeah, uh, stop doing that. Republicans claim to be the great protectors of the constitution, and they’ll impose martial law to prove it. Thankfully the right-wing’s authoritarian skillset is still in its infancy stage, much like their elected officials. After reading my recent review of Albright’s book on fascism, my Republican friend recently added Jonah Goldberg’s book Liberal Fascism to my suggested reading list. Sure the liberal version of fascism exists, but is it really the problem today? There’s an alt-right ideology in the oval office, so let’s focus instead on some ANTIFA-type wandering the ghetto with a ‘safe space’ sign? Really? To summarize our debates over the years, it’s my list of ‘ongoing Republican atrocities’ vs. my friend’s list of ‘perceived liberal insults’. Whereas liberal led investigations tend to end in indictments, theirs end only with more ‘questions’. Quibbling over the details while missing every sign of the Trumpocalypse is crazy making. Pokey, Pokey, if this were the movie Jaws, and those first ominous ‘dah-dums’ started playing in the background, you’d be too focused on your Jelly Fish Menace op-ed piece to notice …which you’re writing from a floatie …after you cut your leg shaving. Sorry, but you can’t put ads in the newspaper for a presidential strongman and then talk to me about the importance of being a constitutionalist.

[Retraction: I guess you can.]

A Book Review Of Madeleine Albright’s ‘Fascism: A Warning’

In 2018 fascism is one of those terms thrust into the heart of the American scheissgeist and Albright’s book on the subject Fascism: A Warning offers a historical overview of when conditions turn toward such tyranny. She personalizes her own family’s account of fleeing Czechoslovakia to stay one step ahead of the Third Reich. Today, the Republicans want to flip the script and paint liberals as the fascists. This is not without precedent, as fascism can come from both sides, as Albright covers Chavez’s antics in Venezuela (take your own HOA for example, a truly bipartisan evil). Conservative’s attempt to cast liberals in the role of the villains today is laughable. Rightwing media keeps harping on recent collegiate instances of safe space speech suppression (SS²). The Republican’s fear of Antifa is overblown, and their own capabilities in this area are greatly minimized. But false equivalencies have always been the conservative’s bread and Buchenwald. Whereas progressives in this country don’t seem to vote for their worst common denominators, conservatives seem hell bent on the practice. Albright’s work equates Fascism to a soup, a soup that requires certain societal ingredients before it starts to simmer. Is it Nazi soup yet in America? There’s certainly a foul odor coming from the Mar-a-Lago kitchen. Whether or not our republic has the time to add something a little more Progresso to the mix leaves to be seen.

Right Abuse Matters

The whole Kavanaugh debacle is a low point in U.S. politics, but, at this point, let’s acclimate. Sure it’s tough to watch our country’s principles, influence, and relevance wane amidst the lowlights from more of our lowlifes. But make no mistake, this post-truth world will give way to a post-American one. My prediction stands: during Trump’s first term we will have a constitutional crisis, an unnecessary war, and/or an economic collapse (2 out of 3 was the original gambit). A Trump second term will represent the proverbial ‘hat trick’, which would be great were this a hockey game. I can see it now, the ice littered with red hats, thousands of angry uneducated screaming fans, and the ‘beer bottles of freedom’ being hurled at the poor schmuck driving the Zamboni. I can relate to that poor schmuck on the Zamboni. Sorry you missed all this, Poke, while you were too busy earning your doctorate in comparative Benghazi studies.