If a Woods Drives into a Tree with Nobody Around to Recount It, Does It Make a Sound?

If a Woods Drives into a Tree with Nobody Around to Recount It, Does It Make a Sound?

Isleworth, Fl—Apparently, it does. First it makes a sound like a golf club repeatedly hitting a windshield, then it makes a sound like crackling fiberglass and splintering wood.   This account comes from a family of squirrels, who, now homeless, are filing a civil suite against the Woods-es-es. 

The Daily Discord is the first major sponsor to be dropping Mr. Woods as a direct result of the incident.

“I can no longer support him,” said the Discord’s CEO, Pierce Winslow.  “A Cadillac, Tiger?  Ram your Toyota Corolla into every damn tree in Florida, but I will not endorse a golf guy who can not drive a Caddy (pardon the golf pun). Besides, who drives around at 2:30AM sober?  There should be a law against that.”

Mr. Winslow also went on to tell the press his intentions to marry Mrs. Woods.

“But when you email me, Elin, please say you’re technical support, or something.  Talk in an Indian accent…Not Hopi, you stupid git, India Indians.  Think of Apu from the Simpsons. Wait, my wife’s coming.  Act casual, say nothing.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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