Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Purge The Red Hat Menace! Report Any Deplorable Activity Today

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Does your neighbor drive a gas-guzzling truck? Do they wear red hats? Do they suspiciously disappear for a couple of hours on Sunday mornings? Do they tend to switch from CNN to Fox News when left unsupervised? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may be living next to a Proud Boy or, worse, a republican sympathizer! Wake up, real left-America, and ask yourself were your neighbors really just fishing on January 6th? Please report any potentially conservative activity to your local Safe Space Hall Monitor.

Tongue in cheek or not, we’ve all contemplated purging the MAGA-ranks with some Thanoesque snap of the finger or my Zanoesque equivalent where you just have to market it as the rapture. Two for one, today only! All souls final! Besides the obvious GOPicidal karmic implications, each citizen has the right to remain as far-left or as far-wrong as they desire. Lately, I’ve struggled with accepting acceptance, but I’ve come to accept that. But for those planning to root out the MAGA-rebels via some full reverse-McCarthyism-style tactics, beware. Rooting out republicans and purging them from your neighborhood, office and other social circles is something that is coming soon, and is the dead wrong approach. How to stop this? I have no idea, but if left unchecked, cancel culture will stymie any chance for a more progressive agenda. Turning off moderate Dems is not a great strategy. This judgemental approach could prove the fly in the ointment, which is in no way an attack on the flies themselves, or their families. Or, a slam on any sellers of fine ointments in general. See what a pain in the ass you people are? Good thing I have that ointment. Look, any time you make a republican seem smart You.Are.Not.Helping.

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The Sociopathic Rightwing Cult Of Anti-Personality

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Now that this dark chapter of our country has officially ended, or more accurately begun in earnest, it should be crystal clear how the GOP has created an alternate universe, a place to act out their more basal impulses in the guise of freedom. True to form they continue to contribute nothing, predict nothing, provide excuses for everything and obstruct the rest. More pathetic still is how, when cornered, they either cling to their factoids or flee to their patented all politicians are the problem stance. Biden and his semi-supermajority do represent a different and welcome political chapter, but having so many Americans entrenched in a sociopathic mindset is daunting. As their disorder of choice has blossomed, I warned how it would eventually endanger our republic. Rush Limbaugh’s contributions have not gone unnoticed in this dystopic endeavor and, as for his passing, let’s just say prehensile pundits everywhere have dropped a collective diastolic point today. I still can’t fathom the sheer number of citizens willing to take a stab at psychopathy. Whereas the DSM-V quantifies the anti-social prevalence at about one percent of the population, the GOP represents an astounding thirty-five. So what gives? New studies may add some insights to the terminally insightless.

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Biden Hits 1.5 Million Dose-A-Day Goal But Sole Recipient Has Died

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Cedar Rapids, IA—Earlier today, Iowian native Betty Flood was ‘accidentally’ the recipient of 1.5 million doses of the Pfizer COVID vaccination. While some are calling this injecticide “politically motivated,” others believe this was an attempt by the Biden Administration to appear COVID-competent as they grapple with the logistics of this massive nationwide rollout. An eyewitness claims Mrs. Flood became concerned something was wrong during her five thousandth and twenty-first injection, at which time she was reminded by staff that she was “doing a great thing for America.” One nurse even said not to worry, because “the first million shots were covered under Obamacare.” Shortly before opting out of her health plan and then her life, she told the charge nurse, “Sorry to be a bother, but I was really holding out for Moderna.”

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Factoids Damaging To The Public Discourse

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In the interest of combating online and ongoing fake news when posting on social media I started labeling all of my work either ‘opinion’ or ‘satire’. And I am suggesting my friend similarly labels his posts: Factoids Damaging To The Public Discourse. For the latest example, my friend offered his Facebook wisdom entitled: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT but, as most of you are aware, republicans are simply not capable of getting anything straight. They do get louder and wronger and then resort to all caps, which must be part of the ideologically-dying-process. Face it, ‘straight’ is not their forte. Were any of them handed something straight, they’d immediately jump in a centrifuge and drive Plastic Man to a gay bar in South Bend. Stick with your strengths, Poke, which today is more of a crookedy, pretzely chaos-spiral-like-thing. I almost hate to tell him that the four best ‘points’ he’s made during the pandemic can be categorized as a presidential crime, a lie, an impeachable offense, and a seditious act. Who’s going to tell him? Let’s just drop this post in the cue with a scheduled date, and back away slowly…

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Is Bison Boy The Missing Political Link?

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Watching the foundations of our republic’s recent rumblings evoked some mixed emotions for this blogger. My sister was furious with my dimsurrection day aloofness. On 1/6 I was more about grabbing the popcorn and watching the show than any angst over our flailing democracy. Look, when you warn of an encroaching problem for decades there’s a certain detachment when said problem finally manifests, in this case in bison-shaman form. I must admit to being a little jealous of our organically grown, free-range seditionist. When the day comes that I storm the Bastille—for the good guys, of course—I hope I can pull off a costume half as epic. He certainly exudes a certain approachable vibe; he’s a snazzy charismatic character, a natural leader, and he prefers organic food. More than any republican politician, journalist, or even your average MAGA-citizen, I believe I can don my cape & banana suit combo, sit down with this man, and bridge our epic ideological divide. Zanonon will grant you an audience, well, provided you make bail.

And where’s that progressive agenda we ordered?! There’s only one way to get progressivism rammed through and I am concerned about unity Joe throwing the hail mary.

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Facebook Jail! Please Send E-Cigarettes Via Paypal

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Today, the Land of Social Media Censorship—which is also the worst theme park ever—has taken a turn for the worse. President Trump’s recent ban from Twitter on the way out has birther’d a slew of social media rules of engagement, or at least a new emphasis on enforcing terms and conditions of use.  As a result, a friend of mine is serving a 12-day Twitter jail sentence, while still another was relegated to 30-day stint behind enemy lines in fascist-controlled Zuckerberg. Both incidents were rather tame, unless schadenfreude is now a crime. My friend Dan’s comment involved wishing Mike Pence an untimely demise, not sure of the exact details, but Dan does tend to get rather colorful with his comments. It’s Okay, he’s British. To quote Douglas Adams, he’s mostly harmless. Meanwhile, another acquaintance abused social media by hoping Ted Cruz’s recent seditious antics landed him in some Texas jail in which, as karma would dictate, he’d eventually be “raped by a cactus.” Now I understand about specific threats, but I am not sure this is what anyone would consider actionable intelligence. Granted, there are a lot of indigenous cacti in the region in question, but then his intentions would need to be somehow relayed to a plant in the succulent family, who would then agree to carry out this heinous act. [The following ‘prison succulent’ joke was removed by WordPress.] In other words, there’s a very low percentage of pulling this off. Granted, if someone ever managed, Ted would be doing some pulling off of his own. On a side note, if he loses his job in the Senate, it would be a real shame if he wouldn’t qualify for Obamacare.

[‘Thornographic’ joke deemed insensitive to desert flora.]

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