The ‘Scandal’

The Court Findings & Conclusions:    

The Historic Scandal-O-Meter

Whitewater (1990s):

This theory suggested the Clintons killed Vince Foster to cover their tracks after a real estate venture that turned a large profit.

*For actual real estate scams see Donald J.Trump.

“After six years and more than $50 million in taxpayer money later, an independent counsel has concluded there is ‘insufficient evidence’ to charge President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton with any criminal wrongdoing.” —CBS

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This was a complete lie fabricated during the advent of the modern republican wingnut.

Anyone up for Epstein, Part Deux? No? How about we just challenge our current president to spell DNA?

Fast & Furious:

Obama lost some tracked weapons fed to Mexican drug cartels, one of which later killed a border patrol agent.

“Only six months into office—and dealing with two wars and the worst financial collapse since the great depression—I guarantee you this was not on Obama’s radar. But, sure, let’s not do that anymore.” —Zano 2013

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Even though F&F occurred while Obama was still hanging the drapes at the WH, in retrospect, he should have ended all things Dubya both faster and more furiously’er.

 Solyndra:

This was a government supported solar energy startup that ultimately failed because the cost of silicon dropped, which allowed China to gain the upper hand on the deal.

“For details on Solyndra, see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, [deep breath] here, here, and here. Attempts to unearth a scandal worthy to be called the ‘next Solyndra’ have been no more fruitful: see here, here, and here.”  —The Grist

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This is the only negative, but we did lose .5 billion, so we need more successful .Gov funded green energy ventures, preferably prior to the extinction of our species.

The IRS Scandal:

This involved the suspected targeting of Obama’s political adversaries, aka republicans, for tax audits.

The Dept. of Treasury investigation also found no bias:

“A federal watchdog investigating whether the IRS unfairly targeted conservative political groups seeking tax-exempt status said that the agency also scrutinized organizations associated with liberal causes from 2004 to 2013.” —The NYTs

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I added a zero at the end, which means nothing mathematical, but shhhhh, republicans don’t know math (see: the last economic collapse, and/or the next one).

Today our president has an IRS target on his back the size of, uh, your local Target.

Climategate:

The GOP tried to decipher a scientific study on global warming and, in retrospect, probably shouldn’t have. They used this to create a false theory that scientists were cooking the books on climate. The only thing that will be cooking soon is us.

“Dr. Michael Mann and other climate scientists have been investigated by a third party to see if there was any wrongdoing in the ‘Climategate’ scandal. And once again, they were cleared of any wrongdoing. They had been previously cleared by an International Panel of Scientists last year, by a panel at Penn State, and have been cleared by various other agencies as well. This time, the investigation was conducted by the National Science Foundation, and you can read the report in full here.”

—Forbes

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This started when a scientist was overheard saying he needed to ‘fix the numbers,’ which for people who went to school means: removing the outliers & presenting the data in a digestible fashion.

Fun Fact: No fact is digestible for republicans.

I added a value in the thousandth digit place, just to “fix” the #s.

Benghazi:

This is the most investigated scandal, and I still don’t have a clue why. Four people died in a Libyan embassy, including a US ambassador, the cause of the attack triggered 8 meaningless investigations. The longest run in US history.

Eight investigations that defied reason.

1. The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, interim report findings.
2. The Senate Committee On Homeland Security And Governmental Affairs, report here.
3. The Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, lack of findings here.
4. Investigation 4-7 same lack of evidence, different committees.
5. The eighth and hopefully final investigation blames the military response, not Clinton.

Here’s the House Select Committee’s review of Clinton’s 11 hour testimony. 11 hours of testimony for bullshit vs zero seconds testimony for treason, because their scandals go to 11!

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(Military’s scandal score is higher, a 3, and The GOP’s score is a 2, as they cut embassy security funds the year before the incident.)

This is when Republicans claimed Hillary Clinton sold uranium to Russia from her Etsy account, or something.

“The Uranium One sale was unanimously approved by [Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States, or CFIUS], which is made up of representatives from nine separate federal agencies and chaired by the Treasury Department.” …and, the same report showed Clinton never intervened with the decision.

—March 8, 2018 press release

Additionally, then AG Sessions (R) and Trey “Benghazi or Bust” Gowdy (R) found insufficient evidence to appoint a special counsel on the matter.

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(Uranium None joke currently being enriched by Tehran.)

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 Spygate:

To summarize the IG’s findings:

Zero spying during Spygate .

Absolved peeps (1st glance): Sztrok, Page, Clinton, Clinton, Obama, Lynch, Clapper, Comey, McCabe, Brenner.

The Dossier was not part of the investigations advent, as shit started w/ Padapawhatsas, not Page …well, that’s 792 hours of Hannity’s America I’ll never get back!

The Page FISA warrant did have serious issues, but was one of over 500 warrants related to Russian interference. Hey, but they found something sort of relevant. Weird, right?

“The Horowitz investigation really can’t fail, because any irregularities real, perceived, or invented will be backed by an AG.” And, “The findings will rank about a two on the Zano-scandal-meter, but as usual the GOP will upgrade this drivel to a 10. By the time everyone figures out the whole thing was Benghazi’d, it won’t matter. Meanwhile, using a reverse procedure, Mueller’s findings, which historians will ultimately rank an 11, will be transformed back into a pile of #2. This is more Alchemy for Dummies, a process designed to transmute the truth into Foxal Matter, and then back again.”  —Zano 8/19

The Inspector General, under great political pressure, couldn’t find anything on Spygate, at all: Attorney General Barr’s hand-picked prosecutor said he can’t back a ‘deep state’ theory that the Russia probe was an anti-Trump conspiracy

As Herr Ass-clown key dupe, Barr will still go spook headhunting.

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(Democratic scandal = zero, but FBI = 4.)

No 2 score, so a rare Zano retraction?

AG Barr’s interpretation to come: someone made a serious error, so this is a serious scandal.