Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

A Book Review Of Madeleine Albright’s ‘Fascism: A Warning’

In 2018 fascism is one of those terms thrust into the heart of the American scheissgeist and Albright’s book on the subject Fascism: A Warning offers a historical overview of when conditions turn toward such tyranny. She personalizes her own family’s account of fleeing Czechoslovakia to stay one step ahead of the Third Reich. Today, the republicans want to flip the script and paint liberals as the fascists. This is not without precedent, as fascism can come from both sides, as Albright covers Chavez’s antics in Venezuela (take your own HOA for example, a truly bipartisan evil). Conservative’s attempt to cast liberals in the role of the villains today is laughable. Rightwing media keeps harping on recent collegiate instances of safe space speech suppression (SS²). The republican’s fear of Antifa is overblown, and their own capabilities in this area are greatly minimized. But false equivalencies have always been the conservative’s bread and Buchenwald. Whereas progressives in this country don’t seem to vote for their worst common denominators, conservatives seem hell bent on the practice. Albright’s work equates Fascism to a soup, a soup that requires certain societal ingredients before it starts to simmer. Is it Nazi soup yet in America? There’s certainly a foul odor coming from the Mar-a-Lago kitchen. Whether or not our republic has the time to add something a little more Progresso to the mix leaves to be seen.

Did You Get That Presidential ‘Orange Alert’ Text This Week?

Tweet Tower—Did anyone else get that Presidential Alert on your cellphone? I’ve gotten Amber Alerts when kids go missing, and Silver Alerts when the chronologically-challenged wander into the woods, but what the hell is an Orange Alert? Can we block our president from texting me? I blocked FEMA and Homeland Insecurity, but WTF? The actual message from our president was even more disturbing: This is just a text, had this been an actual social media emergency you would have been instructed to ‘like’ or ‘retweet’ the president’s latest psycobabble on twitter #RetweetEmergency. I’m actually not kidding about the Presidential Alert part, so what is this administration preparing for? Oh right, they don’t prepare for stuff. My bad.

Earliest Pumpkin Spice Latte Remains Discovered in Yakima Landfill

Yakima, WA—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lounge, announced the unearthing of the oldest known remains of a pumpkin spice latte under the Terrace Heights Landfill in Yakima, Washington. The remains were excavated at the early Itunes level and carbon-dated to 2003 PB (Post Beyoncé). Dr. Hogbein said, “The original Starbucks recipe was tested in Vancouver, which, geographically speaking is close enough to suggest we might be looking at a cup from the original batch, or pumpkotype.”

Right Abuse Matters

The whole Kavanaugh debacle is a low point in U.S. politics, but, at this point, let’s acclimate. Sure it’s tough to watch our country’s principles, influence, and relevance wane amidst the lowlights from more of our lowlifes. But make no mistake, this post-truth world will give way to a post-American one. My prediction stands: during Trump’s first term we will have a constitutional crisis, an unnecessary war, and/or an economic collapse (2 out of 3 was the original gambit). A Trump second term will represent the proverbial ‘hat trick’, which would be great were this a hockey game. I can see it now, the ice littered with red hats, thousands of angry uneducated screaming fans, and the ‘beer bottles of freedom’ being hurled at the poor schmuck driving the Zamboni. I can relate to that poor schmuck on the Zamboni. Sorry you missed all this, Poke, while you were too busy earning your doctorate in comparative Benghazi studies.

Small Closed Casket Ceremony Held For Kavanaugh Confirmation

Washington—Judge Brett Kavanaugh was sworn into the U.S. Supreme Court today by a narrow 50-48 Senate vote. Kavanaugh becomes the country’s 114th Supreme Court justice, but only the 2nd known sex offender to sit on the highest court in the land. President Trump now has two successful supreme court appointments. Las Vegas had +115 odds for Kavanaugh’s confirmation. He therefore had about the same odds as the likelihood of a Trump impeachment during his first term. Oh, and Vegas is tallying the odds right now for a potential Gorsuch #MeToo moment. Put me down for a Jackson! Mr. Winslow, can you spot me a twenty?

Local News Station Broadcasting Yule Log 75 Days Early To Avoid Incessant Kavanaugh Coverage

SpringfieldLocal news station KPRC of Springfield reports being “really done with the whole Kavanaugh thing.” In lieu of the ongoing and continuous coverage of the arduous Supreme Court nomination process, the Channel 2 news team has opted to spread some Christmas cheer a little early. The CEO of KPRC said, “No one wants to hear another word about Brett Kavanaugh’s past, but everyone loves Christmas. So I was like, just cut to that holiday fireplace thingie.”

Splitting Nobel Prize In Physics Triggers Massive Explosion

Oslo, NO—The Nobel Committee’s announcement of two joint winners in physics this year triggered a huge explosion in Oslo today. The  ‘winners’, a man from the U.S. and a woman from Canada, are still missing at this hour and presumed quantumly entangled. The explosion frightened many across a huge swath of the region. Along with some seismic aftershocks the event caused Maxwell’s Demon to shave Schrodinger’s Cat with Ockham’s Razor. “We really had our Bell Theorem rung today,” said Nobel Committee head Lars Slartibartfast. “We never should have thrown a woman into the mix; that’s always a volatile situation. Yeah, we blew some shit up. Live and learn. Next prize goes to a couple of immunologists, so I would take a step out of sneeze droplet-particle range if I were you.”

Top 10 Reasons Republicans Don’t Have Points About Stuff

If you haven’t already, please read my blogvesary’s shortsighted ramblings on liberal shortcomings. Kidding, just read this bit and, like a Motel 6 for the cognizant, we’ll leave the bright on for you. I do agree with two of your points, Poke: 1.) Liberals need a meaningful platform and, 2.) I am now a registered Democrat. These are damning in their own right, but they kind of pale in comparison to the whole brewing Trumpocalypse. As usual, every other line of your last post can be broken down into two camps: ‘False’ or ‘You are referring to a republican created trait/policy/weapon/tactic. Liberals are only now learning to implement this scorched Earth schitznik. Hey, maybe you can help us get better at these political ploys? That would be very sporting of you. Right now we’re like a monkey with a gun …so let’s begun. Sorry.

FoxTrots: Safe GOP Food-Delivery Service For Republican Diners

Have you ever been Cruzed or even Huckabeed when trying to enjoy a meal downtown? Do you have a Bush or Trump bumper sticker displayed prominently on your vehicle? Are you a known congressman or senator from The Grand Old Party? Do you put signs on your lawn with a distinctly conservative slant? Do you have a certain red hat in your closet? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, why suffer from public shaming and outright abuse? You too can crawl back into Hannity’s America and still enjoy menu items from hundreds of participating restaurants near you. Why not download our free food-delivery app, FoxTrots, and never have to face a disgruntled liberal snowflake ever again. It’s that easy! Let’s make America eat again.

Trump Discovers Can In Oval Office With String That Leads Into Wall

 

Tweet Tower—President Trump announced the discovery of a very suspicious tin can with a string attached to it in the White House. The can, which the president believes is some type of listening device, was found on his desk in the Oval Office. Perhaps even more disturbing, a string connected to the can disappears into a nearby wall. Those closest to the president believe this incident has only stoked his paranoia. Many in the White House theorize there’s another cup at the end of that string, a cup that many believe rests at the very heart of the deep state.