Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Elon Musk Secretly Amish

Lancaster, PA—Shortly after SpaceX announced its intention to head for the red planet next year, the CEO of the company, Elon Musk, inadvertently revealed his Amish heritage. It all started when friend and fellow space pioneer, Richard Branson, invited Musk to his private island, but he declined the offer, saying, “I have to go back home this weekend to help my friends build a barn.” Later that week, this image surfaced showing a bearded Musk, engaging in decidedly Amish activities. 

Special Counsel Robert Mueller Spotted Leaving Gypsy Fortune Teller’s Shop

Washington, DC—More Republicans are crying “foul” after a photo surfaced showing the Special Counsel, Robert Mueller, leaving a local fortune-teller’s shop on 43rd Street NW. The above photo of a shop, but not PhotoShopped, brings the credibility of the entire Russia-probe investigation into serious question. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “Mueller really has a pair of crystal balls to attempt this shit. All year we’ve been trying to read the tea leaves only to find out that he’s actually reading the tea leaves. Does anyone have a quarter so we can ask Zoltar if Trump colluded with Russia? I.Am.Depressed.”

The GOP Should Consider Shifting Four Amendments Over: From Freedom Of Speech To Your Right To Remain Silent

After another vigorous yet inconclusive volley with my old blogvesary, I realized what a long, strange blogging trip it’s been. I disapprove of what you say, my friend, but I will defend to the death your right to blog it …well, after I take out the stupid parts and add some jokes. Ha! Republicans invariably think liberals are ignoring the facts, when in reality facts are simply not their thing. Nothing Hannity or Limbaugh covered last night was even mentioned by the lamestream media! Amen. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with each accusation that arrives at the speed of right. Fast & Spurious? Uranium None?

Discord Signs Agreement With Russian Web Traffic Coordinator For Free Trial Until November!

The Russians are helping! The Russians are helping! The Daily Discord is pleased to announce a prominent Web Traffic Analyzer from Moscow, John Smith, plans to help our website receive more traffic by expanding our social media presence and improving our Google ranking. And, since they are such big fans, they’re offering an extended free trial for their services until November 6th, 2018. Wow! What a deal! All we have to do in return is share one daily post on all of our social media platforms. It’s awesome! They even write this daily post for us. They explained the key is in improving SEO ranking through relevant key word searches. Here’s one of the templates, designed specifically for this website, to help us on our way to Pay per Click advertising: Hi, We at ________ think the Democratic candidate is really bad for America. He/She will bring about the end of America. Very bad. And he/she will take your guns! I know him/her personally and they are like that. Please save America and your guns! Спасибо.

Kushner: A Shift From ‘Top Secret’ to ‘Secret’ Just Means I Can’t Tell You My Clearance Level, Because It’s Secret

Washington, DC—Jared Kushner, the president’s senior son-in-law, is believed to have obtained double O something-or-another security status. The White House is denying his clearance has even been downgraded. Mr. Kushner told the press today, “My level changed is all, so my clearance could be higher, or lower. It’s on a need-to-know basis and you don’t need to know. My security may have shifted to ‘Ultra’, ‘Platinum Secret’ or maybe even ‘Unleaded’. But if I told you I would have to kill you. There’s your only hint about my clearance level. Yeah, bitches, that’s what I’m talking about …or, in this case, not talking about.”

Most Complete Snuffleupagus Remains Discovered In Northern Alaska

The Frozen North—At the edge of the permafrost region of the Alaskan Arctic Circle-K, just north of the Home Depot, a group of intrepid explorers have discovered the best preserved remains of the elusive Snuffleupagus. Expedition head Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Gastropub, told reporters, “This discovery changes everything we know about early Pleistocene Muppets. For one thing, it looks like they could fly short distances and, apparently, they liked to hang out deep inside of glaciers. It also means I never should have prescribed all those injectable anti-psychotics for his friend Big Bird. Oh well, live and learn.” Dr. Hogbein was later found in downtown Anchorage asking locals, “Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? No, really. It’s for science.”

Today’s Zyprexa injection was brought to you by the letter Z.

Fascism Creep And More Carrion For The Wolves Of Wall Street

This week’s fascism watch is rather extreme, even by normal Republican ‘standards’. Eighteen states, primarily of the Freedom Circus variety, are pushing a bill that undermines peaceful assembly. Yep, you heard rights, folks …as they vanish. If anything turns ugly during a protest, the organizers—not the Nazi, hooligan Trump-lovin’ instigators—but the organizers are more likely to face steeper fines and charges. And running over protestors is now encouraged, well, as long as they’re libs. Safe Space 2000? Sheriff Joe for President: ‘Carcerations R’ In! If this schitznik passes, our torch wielding, white supremacist friends can crash our parties with more free wheeling, wanton abandon. Gee, why are they trying to tamp down peaceful protests during the Age of Ass-Clown? Hmmm. Reminds me of that old SNL bit: Bad Idea Jeans. Fox & Friends have managed to avoid covering the deconstruction of our republic through the act of asking endless irrelevant questions about unrelated topics. Let’s award some partial credit as they’re helping to create an oligarchy without even knowing what the word means. Multi-asking? So where are their constitutionalists now? Silence of the Lames?

*SpongeBob Square-State joke removed by the editor.