Gathering the Top Ten Slogans Rejected by X-Box was a long and difficult process. It’s a thankless job, and payless. But when some of my pale-faced interviewees couldn’t figure out how to light their firewall because they’d never gone camping before, we were able to surround ourselves with all of the women in attendance. Social phobia seems to go hand-in-hand with video addiction. Despite this perk, camping with a bunch of avid gamers is not recommended. They did eventually give up the goods and I uncovered the top ten X-Box slogans that were ultimately rejected:
1. Doing our part to lower teen pregnancy.
2. Making it even easier to ignore your children since 2001.
3. Objectifying virtual women in an effort to decrease the objectifying of actual women.
4. Giving something legitimate for Republicans to complain about about millennials.
5. We teach your kids to kill, so you don’t have to.
6. Sure your electricity bill is up, but think of the savings by never leaving the house (not to mention hygiene products).
7. X-Box, almost better than drugs.
8. Hey, now you can stare at the rectangle in your living room even longer.
9. Equality, through making all races as nerdy as white teenagers.
10. Your kids may be way overweight, but no generation ever had stronger thumbs!
*No one should be opposable to strong thumbs.