San Jose, CA—President of the Regional Envoy for Crash Test Union Mannequins(R.E.C.T.U.M.), Bob Blankstare, stated at a press conference today that no more tests of Toyota automobiles will be manned by union dummies.
“Until Toyota shows us proof that they have fixed all the problems on their 2010 models, not one of our Dummies will go anywhere near a Toyota,” said Blankstare. “We may be dummies, but we’re not idiots.”
Blankstare believes several Toyota models were responsible for at least one incident, during which a vehicle careened into a brick wall at high speeds.
When asked, “But wasn’t the vehicle supposed to careen into a wall at high speed?”
Blankstare replied, “Yeah, of course, but at a predetermined high speed, is my point.”
Blankstare also had a stern warning for those dummies planning to break ranks with the union and continue to work.
“Those who cross picket lines to climb into one of these death traps will earn the name scab,” said Blankstare, slamming a balled plastic fist into his other hand. “Frankly, our jobs are hard enough without any additional dangerous problems. You couldn’t pay me enough right now to get behind the wheel of a Corolla. So we plan to sit this one out, folks.”