You Don’t Know Why It’s Bush’s Fault? Syriaously?

Mick Zano

Really? Nothing registering? The famous Foxeteer flat line?  Let me splain’. Last week England, our staunchest ally, said, “Piss off. We’re not helping.” Know why they said that?  Still nothing?  Perhaps I should resort to finger puppets, or at least one finger.

Has the GOP purged the Bush years from their memory banks or are they simply incapable of retaining or processing new information? I initially started this article because the recent Drudge Report headline entitled Carville: I Blame Bush… I share James Carville’s sentiment, not because I want to rehash shit, but in this case it happens to be true.

Listen up, the age of America’s willingness or ability to police the world has ended. Film at eleven. I am not as Isolationist as the Pauls, but a step or two in that directions is both warranted and inevitable. At the sound of the further cracking Liberty Bell, it’s the 21st century. Sure we can blow shit up, real good, but then what? We have no strategic allies and we have few options to handle Assad without inciting a potentially larger regional confrontation and let’s put this into the historical context of we’re still barely recovering from Bush’s global economic handiwork.

Credibility…
Credibility…Why we STILL don’t have any
Why we STILL don’t have any

With nothing in his hand but a pair of fours, Obama is somehow making shit happen…again. And if another Bushie comments on our foreign policy decisions I am authorizing domestic drone strikes. With a straight face, Dick Cheney recently said Benghazi was the worst terrorist attack this country ever faced, ignoring the dozens of embassy attacks on his own watch, not to mention…I’m not mentioning it. Donald Rumsfeld, last week, said the case has not been made to strike Assad, and even Sarah Palin added, “So we’re bombing Syria because Syria is bombing Syria? And I’m the idiot?”

Dear Sarah,

Umm, yes….yes you are.

Sincerely,

Reality

Of course, she’s the same woman who said the Iraq War was part of God’s plan. I guess God and Halliburton have similar goals, profit and death, but saving kids from being butchered by chemical weapons? Naaah. Wasn’t it Jesus who authorized the use of mustard gas on the money-changers? I believe that happened during his Sarin on the Mount.

I have taken a rather lengthy break from cable television, namely because:

MSNBC = Sorry, the Travon bullshit was too much. I always said Fox Left wouldn’t work on many liberals.

CNN = They hired MCs, not journalists. You can say any extreme and idiotic statement you want, left or right, and their anchors will simply smile and say, “Next up the dancing bear!” They are not neutral, they’re flat line.

Fox  = Sentient creatures need not apply.

Despite this hiatus, on what I thought might be the eve of Iraq part deux, curiosity got the better of me. I flipped between Maddow and Hannity for about a half an hour. Maddow was discussing the rationality of military strikes, what such an engagement might look like and explored other viable options. She also interviewed Hans Blix, a key inspector during the moments leading up to the Iraq War. It was a great piece. Hannity, meanwhile, straight from the Planet Kolab—well, I could only watch for about six minutes before projectile vomiting onto my flat screen.

Mr. Hannity chose to spend his time discussing how Obama lied about his “red line” quote on chemical weapons. Apparently Obama completely changed his tune by saying, “Hey, I didn’t even set this red line at chemical weapons, the world did.” According to Sean, this is a total flip flop from his original position—er, unless you happen to understand thoughts and the organization of words into something I like to call sentences.  Then the brunette on his show said something like, “Isn’t America sick of the entanglements in the Middle East, like Egypt and Libya?” Then she adds, “…and remember Benghazi where four Americans died?!”

Lest we forget, but…Egypt and Libya?

“Four dead in Libya. How many more?”

—Neil Young

Do I really need to explain how stupid that statement is? Probably, but I’m not going to. Honey Boo Boo is on.

Dear Fox News,

You screwed the pooch on Iraq and on the potential eve of a war on Syria, during prime time, you’re less insightful? How is that even possible?

Sincerely,

Reality

I said Iraq would keep coming back to bite us and, as it turns out, Shark Week over on Discovery has much less of that sort of thing. Iraq is very relevant to the world’s inability to act or back us in any action. Obama faces a terrible decision in Syria, a decision made more terrible by the historical context. Yes, the Bush years matter. Duh. If he takes action we will go it alone. The U.S. will always be questioned now and, lest we forget, historically our interventions in the Middle East make Lindsay Lohan’s exploits seem organized and productive.

Assad keeps mentioning the Iraq War as a deterrent here and, hell, it’s why Iran became so emboldened in the first place. Obama can’t mention the ghost of Iraq so he keeps citing Reagan and Clinton conflicts and Bush STILL can’t venture outside of square states, let alone the country.  Our former President could still be tried at The Hague. Of course, Bush isn’t concerned about this, because he still thinks that’s Reagan’s former Secretary of State.

[Winslow’s note: I don’t think he even gets that. I think he thinks The Hag is his mother.]

No matter what this president does, he will remain a scapegoat for the factually impaired (My Pet Scapegoat groaner omitted). The GOP bashed Obama for not seeking congressional approval on Syria and then, when he did, they painted him as a coward or as Krauthammer asserted, “An amateur.”

Dear Republicans,

You can’t have everything, both ways, yet still manage to botch every issue. That’s not even possible. Just because you don’t believe in the laws of physics, doesn’t mean you get to break them.

Sincerely,

Newton

This congressional vote is a farce anyway, presidents can do whatever they want post Bush. I seem to remember opposing that.  Obama tends to waffle and waiver and then does something for about nine dollars that gets all of our goals met without breaking an F-ing finger nail, so by all means waffle away, sir. I agree, this doesn’t look good, but I’m not giving up. This is guy is good. I am against an intervention in Syria, albeit barely. Thus far Obama has done amazingly well avoiding any major conflicts. He knocked off a lot of al-Qaeda’s leadership, including Bin Laden, with drones. He knocked the Iranian nuclear program back years with a computer virus, and his Libya intervention cost us less than one of his presidential vacations.

Obama’s results are impressive, while they tend to save treasure and lives. I still believe he will go down in history as having a crafty foreign policy. It’s not evident at the moment, mainly due to the misinformation on the right, but the truth has a way of eventually poking out, like—

[Anthony Weiner joke omitted by editor].

Dear President Obama,

About Syria, everyone in the world thinks you’re botching this shit but me. I love the way you perseverate over shit. It is soooo much better than being decisively wrong, aka the Republican Model. Questioning and planning is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

From Zano with love

P.S. You never got back to me about the sweater. Smoochies xoxo.

Think about it, Obama’s plea has forced the EU and the UN to take this matter seriously without dropping bomb one. If the Russian plan works, it would be amazing. He’s trying to get everything we want for Christmas for about five dollars. To me, he always seems several steps ahead of everyone else, especially the GOP. Or as Andrew Sullivan puts it Meep Meep. I was ahead of Andrew on this one, as I never lost confidence—at least totally.

Meanwhile, the GOP will always shoot first and ask questions later, also known as: Operation Why Did I Just Shoot Myself In The Foot?

When I started this blog I considered myself an integral independent—yeah, I’m not explaining that again. But politically I have shifted to liberal, not out of some great love for liberals, but they at least—or should I say those liberals elected—tend to make mountains into mole hills, not mole hills into mountains. Example, Benghazi is a mole hill. Failing to prevent the real 9/11 and then invading the wrong country is a mountain. Obama is a mole hill man and we should all be grateful for that. The three or more additional land wars McCain or Romney would have blundered us into by now should give us all pause.

(pause)

Dangit, I wrote this nearly a week ago and now people are swinging around to my way of thinking. Drat.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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