Kobe Bryant to Announce Location of Next Planned Sexual Assault in One-Hour Special Announcement

Kobe Bryant to Announce Location of Next Planned Sexual Assault in One-Hour Special Announcement

Los Angeles, CA—Not to be outdone, LA Laker MVP, Kobe Bryant, has decided to take a page from the LeBron James playbook.  In reaction to LeBron’s highly rated telecast “The Decision,” Bryant will be announcing the city where he plans his next unwanted, lewd sex acts during a special one-hour announcement, entitled “The Indiscretion.”  Bryant is planning on doing something inappropriate to someone, but he’s not saying where—at least, not until his show airs on ESPN at 8PM next Thursday.  In a whimsical fashion, Bryant explained to the press his intentions to “take his talents to some bitch.”  An obvious reference to LeBron’s comment last week, “I’m taking my talents to South Beach.”

When Bryant was asked why the copycat ploy, Bryant called it “a tit for a tat.”  He hopes to roll into town next week and steal some of the thunder from LeBron’s publicity stunt, as well as some unwilling snatch.

“It’s win-win,” said Bryant.

Many of America’s mayors are offering the key to their cities to Bryant, along with their daughters, wives, and significant others.  Mayor Bloomberg of New York is allegedly sweetening the pot for Bryant if he chooses the Big Apple.

“This will be just like the movie Indecent Proposal,” said Bloomberg.  “Only minus the proposal part.”

(Visited 58 times, 1 visits today)
Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *