Netflix’s Midnight Mass is a fascinating miniseries, but not for the reasons you might think. The tale perfectly captures what I call the scheissgeist of our time. The story is set on Crockett Island, a fictional town resting off the coast of the Pacific Northwest—a place that, despite its location, somehow managed to miss the whole craft beer movement thing. Poignant. Otherwise, this island-nation becomes the perfect metaphor for the States. It’s even nicknamed ‘the crockpot’ for its melting-pot levels of diversity. You can take it, try to leave it, or burn it to the ground, aka the same problem we all face today. The acting and the special effects are a strength, and I particularly appreciated the attention to atmospheric detail. The series is steeped in Christian symbolism and Mary Magdalen makes an appearance as well, but never mind all that, let’s get Pruitt! Our story starts with the return of not one, but two prodigal sons, who represent not one but two separate levels of consciousness. The island is ‘graced’ with the return of their old priest, Father Pruitt, played by Hamish Linklater, who the congregation believes is a temp sent by the diocese, yet in reality (spoiler alert) he’s a younger vampiric version of himself. Pruitt, now traveling under the name Paul Hill, was restored during his own spiritual journey through the holy land by a more ancient evil. The priest represents the mythic-fundamentalist mindset, and he is content to propagate his new species, thus interpreting the eternal aspect of the undead dealio as a gift from God. In this way Christianity itself becomes the contagion, a new twist on the MAGA-variant joke. He’s trying to make lemonade out of the lemons that the dark angel gave him, or, in this case, bloody marys. The second prodigal son, equally damaged, is Riley Flynn played by Zach Gilford. After a felony DUI that resulted in the death of a young woman, Riley returns home after his jail stint, still haunted by the ordeal. He represents the rational-modern level of consciousness, struggling for meaning and purpose. His girlfriend, Erin Greene played by Kate Siegel, represents the liberal level of consciousness (Green level, or, in this case, Greene). See how this works? In the end, she does grasp the perennial philosophy as she lies bleeding out in the final sequence amidst a pantheistic soliloquy reminiscent of Sagan and Dawkins jerking off to Spinoza. Oh, sorry, that’s the other spoiler alert. Spinoza was a pantheist.
Three days after my Illiberal Hillbilly post, Bill Maher took up the Olympic ‘Woke’ torch by focusing on the same firing of the Director of the Olympics for a joke he uttered in 1998. Maher mentioned two more incidents that I missed involving another dismissal for ‘bullying in grade school’ and yet another for a private ‘fat’ joke. As per my last post, everyone goes through a bullying stage during their own development, some in kindergarten, others in the third grade, and still others during their first administration. Kidding, he never moved beyond that. Again, denying consciousness growth or basic child development is a mistake on the liberal’s part, potentially a costly one. Maher calls this an ongoing purge. Ya think fat jokes are in bad taste? Wait for Donald Trump’s Grover Cleveland impersonation, because that could be the next act on the docket, kids. Yeah, there’s a lot at stake here. You forget that many red states are shifting blueward. Why derail that trend for crap like this? These examples are from Japan, but it’s the same mindset here that needs addressing.
Enters the much-anticipated Democratic victory lap! The mighty stimulus has arrived thus slaying the austerity dragon. So let’s all do the libby jig, which, like dancing with the rest of the Riffraff, is just a Trump to the left. Covid slew Goliath, republicanism is in its death throes and ding dong the Mitch is finally dead, or at least dead-ish. We even have a new commander in chief calling his good friends across the aisle neanderthals. It’s a brand new day, a place where insight is once again valued and Trumpism has been relegated to the dustbin of Hannity. We can all breathe a sigh of relief at the now reopened pubs, right? Sadly, this is more wishful thinking from our intellgiencier, courtesy of those ivory towers of crapademia. Speaking of neanderthals, if someone could just drag Marjorie Taylor Greene back to her cave that would be great. Don’t judge me for that, after all, it’s common Pleistocene behavior. Fine, just tear up a Captain Caveman comic strip somewhere and get it out of your system. Fucking liberals. I know Trump is declaring war on all RINOS and he’s splitting the donations between the GOP and his legal GoFundMe page, but the bottom line is this: the republican party will climb back into its neococoon and will undergo a profound and radical transformation only to emerge once again as something …well, even more radical.
The Biden-Harris Administration has leaked its plan to move swiftly toward a more socialized democracy. In the coming weeks, all MAGA members will be required to report to reprogramming pods for immediate social assimilation. This will be done by name and region and will coincide with a mandatory Covid vaccination (rectal). At that time your gas-guzzling vehicle will be traded out for an electric car, which is about the size of your recliner. You do get to pick the color, because freedom. Your guns will be collected at that time as well, but they will be upgraded to fully loaded semi-automatic, affirmation guns. These will shoot unlimited rounds of positive affirmations up to twenty feet (with the volume up), and all weapons come with a rapid-glitter-firing-feature. You get to choose the color of the glitter as well, because freedom.
Nal Hutta—President Trump is very close to striking a deal with the Hutts that will help keep millions of school-age children safely stored in Carbonite units until the current pandemic has ended. The president believes Hutts Storage, Inc represents “a great way to get the economy going again while keeping those namby-pamby liberals happy.” The Hutts, a shell-less species of giant gastropod, are longtime friends of the Trump family. The president told reporters, “They’re good people. Back in the days of the Old Republic, my great grandfather used to smuggle spice with the Hutt Cartel. We can learn a lot about how to handle protestors from what happens to them in Hutt-controlled space. I would like to see ANTIFA try to take down a statue of Jabba. No really, they’re yuuuge and heavy!! You’ll break your back! And for the few of you who still have insurance, that’s a preexisting condition #MedicalBankruptcy.”
South of the Mordor—After abandoning his stint of self-hydroxychyquarantine, President Trump is back on the campaign trail! Before visiting the even-lower-48, the president rallied to the backdrop of endless hordes of Orcs, Trolls, and Wargs in the very shadow of Mt. Doom. By all accounts, this Middle-Earth rally drew the largest crowds Trump has ever assembled. Unfortunately, anyone sent to calculate actual crowd size was disemboweled and/or eaten. Trump himself offered his own assessment, “This event dwarfed the whole thing with the dwarves. It was YUGE! Forget dwarves, it was like those things bigger than dwarves …FAT DWARVES!! #MorbidlyOberon.”
Port of Los Angeles—Why not take advantage of some killer discounts being offered, right now, through Discord Travel? Take a cruise from L.A. to China and head up the Yangtze River to Wuhan, and maybe back! If that’s not enough to quarint—I mean, entice you, on the return trip you get an extended stay just off the coast of California absolutely free! You have the best excuse to miss work and just hangout on board, while some of our other guests wait for connecting flights to the afterlife and beyond. Why not take someone in your inner circle who’s really getting on your nerves lately? What about aunt whats’r name? She’s a bitch and she’s over 60, aka the best people to bring on this stricken voyage of opportunity!
Zano Nation, activate, form of authoritarian savior! Despite my last post, I do consider myself a patriot, except during three of the last six Superbowls. At the very least I love this planet, the one on which my country happens to reside. Did I not root for Earth in the movie Independence Day, Earth vs the Flying Saucers, Battlefield Earth, Earth vs The Spider (the original and the MST version), not to mention every War of Worlds movie ever made, even the one with Tom Cruise? Let that sink in for a minute …even the one with Tom Cruise. But today insight itself is shunned, which is just what the giant spider wants! My blogging started as a condemnation of republican thought since as far back as the premiere of American Idol. I still believe, Sanjaya! But, if our democracy is determined to shift toward a more imperial presidency, why not prop up a progressive Ubermensch over a deplorable one? Let’s imagine a world run by a more spiritually-centered, liberal fascist …you know, a better despot, a leader who both lifts and separates …wait, or is that from those Cross Your Heart Bra commercials? If we’re deadset on despotism, let’s upgrade MAGA to Make Autocracies Great Again. Why have an Ass-clown Hitler when we could install a Dalai Stalin, or a Gengis Gandhi, or even a Lenin Lennon?
[I’m being told to stop. I’m being Yoko Amin’d.]
Sarajevo, Bosnia—President Trump’s not so great grandfather, Friedrich Von Trumpenstein, was questioned after the slaying of the heir to the throne of the Austro-Hungarian empire, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, on Fifth Avenue. History claims a 19-year-old Bosnian was the shooter, but others claim Trumpenstein was named as a co-conspirator in the incident, or ‘Individual 1’ in the court documents of the day. The assassination eventually led to WWI, which led to WWII, which led to arguably the worst outcome: Pearl Harbor (2001) starring Ben Affleck. Witnesses to the incident claim a second shot rang out from a nearby grassy knoll, because that shit seems to happen in these situations. Others implicated in the shooting were: the Watchmen’s Comedian, the Smoking Man from the X-Files, and LBJ’s uncle Droop B. Johnson.
A one hundred day nap ended today, when congressman Jack S. Van Winkle (R-NE) awoke to join the rest of his party in condemning the “sham of an impeachment hearing that’s sullying America’s good name.” The congressman from Nebraska admits he overslept a bit, “I know the votes just ended, but I still want my voice to be heard! No collusion, no obstruction, no quid pro Joe! Make America Late Again!”