Beebe, AK—Reports of birds dropping from the sky continue across south central U.S. Historic documents indicate massive bird droppings on Mayan temples have occurred as far back as the pre-classic period in Mesoamerica.
Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Garage, believes “Mayan temples are just part of the story. We should not forget the numerous avian assaults throughout prehistory on outer Turdistan.”
These droppings are not dotting patterns usually associated with flock feces; these are massive coordinated attacks on the same area. Dr. Hogbein reports having watched the pigeon-shit-scene from Mel Brooks’ High Anxiety ad nauseum and concluded, it is not as good as Blazing Saddles.
Experts confirm, along with fish kills, massive bird droppings are the first sign of the end of times as prophesized by the Mayan calendar. Incidentally, these items are now discounted for obvious reasons.
As for the Four Riders of the Apocalypse, turd falls under the jurisdiction of Pestilence, who “prefers bird waste for its high levels of uric acid and its ability to fatally infect the lungs of most mammals,” said Pestilence. “Turd is win-win.”
Dr. Hogbein believes the source of these larger droppings are monstrous mythical creatures known as the Chaos Pigeons. He also links these titanic turd sightings (TTS) to the phenomenon known as Crap Circles—a story that original broke on The Daily Discord in September of this year.