Discord Apology XXXV: The Fast and the Edit-less

Discord Apology XXXV: The Fast and the Edit-less

Philadelphia, PA—It’s retraction time again, folks.  We continue to make a whole host of mistakes here at the Discord—mistakes that not only damage our credibility, but continue to inflict consequences on any number of  individuals across the globe.

If you notice in the above picture, looters made off with the Pyramid of Chephren, not—as we stated in our initial post—the Great Pyramid of Giza.  So, apparently, someone made off with the not-so-great Pyramid of Giza…which is still pretty damn serious!  The B.A.C of our PhotoShoppers was also pretty damn serious and may have contributed to the error.

As for our moronic marquee moment, U.S. TO EVACUATE AMERICA, we simply forgot the rest of that sentence.  It was supposed to read: U.S. TO EVACUATE AMERICANS FROM JAPAN.   Sometimes part of the sentence slips down behind the banner, or something.  We understand why that caused a bit of panic, heh, heh, and for that we are truly sorry.

We also learned that if a horrific earthquake/tsunami hits Japan, we should wait a good 72 hours before posting a Godzilla joke.  Live and learn.

Finally, the Ghetto Shaman would also like to apologize for his crude, drunken Facebook posts last weekend.  Or, as he puts it, “Shit happens, bitches.”

We are listening to your feedback, but, please keep in mind, we’re idiots.  Most of our teachers told us long ago that we would never amount to anything.  And now, as adults, our Probation Officers would like to second that motion.

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Donald Trump: Constitutional Scholar Or Return Of the Prodigal Dumb?

Pokey is singlehandedly blowing up our comment threads again, which is actually a welcome change from the usual spam. As tradition dictates, most of his comments equate to the old rightwing bait-n-switch. Whether he realizes it or not, the right’s recent social media  two-step is an effort to quell the increasing cognitive dissonance and avoid the whole, ‘Oops, we kind of elected a…


Installation Of Third Floor Zipline Aims To Make Ending White House Career Easier, Funner

Tweet Tower—Members of President Trump’s White House are not enjoying themselves and this is becoming even more apparent when it’s their turn on the old chopping block. Whether staffers leave voluntarily or are forced out, parting Team Trump is such sweet sorrow …well, except the sweet part. This is why Chief of Staff General John Kelly was determined to…


Cheney: King of the Damned?

Mick Zano
Warning: To the casual reader who is blissfully unaware of the darker goings-on within the current administration, the contents of this article may prove deeply disturbing. To those with weak constitutions: consider Ron Paul’s candidacy.

Something sinister has happened to Vice President Dick Cheney. My suspicions were aroused after viewing a video clip wherein Mr. Cheney alludes to the insanity of a regime change in Iraq.

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Obama Administration Already Low on Promises

Washington, DC – President Obama admitted to the American people this week that the government is dangerously low on promises.  It is feared the U.S. Government can not maintain sustained growth without more, much needed, unrealistic promises.

“The promises we had in the Federal Reserve are all but gone.” warns Obama, “Only by manufacturing more vital, yet empty, promises can we hope to lead the global market from the brink of destruction.”

Obama vows not to use as many promises in the future.

“We have already taken away all of V.P. Joe Biden’s promises,” said Obama, but added that stretching out the remaining promises “won’t be easy.”

The President is urging the American people to sooth themselves with the promises already promised, so as to stretch out the current supply. President Obama is denying allegations that members of his administration have initiated talks to purchase shoddily manufactured promises, in bulk, from China. Obama promises that this is not the case.  Doh!

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The Subliminal Mind Fuck America

Mick Zano

So I was drinking Tequila yesterday, listening to Greenday, and watching waaaay too much Fox News, or as I call it “the weekday special” …maybe I should drink waaaay too much Tequila and avoid cable news all together. 

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