Discord Designs Non-evasive ‘Danger Identification Test’ To Determine Political Brain Function
Concern for our Republican friend’s ability to process information is growing throughout the scientific community. This is especially true when it comes to ones ability to identify dangers. Thanks to recent studies using MRI and brain scanning technology, science is getting ever closer to understanding the conservative brain. Too much Fox News viewing can result in an overly-worked and oversized amygdala. This…
FBI Obtains FISA Warrant To Eavesdrop On President Trump’s Internal Voices
Washington—The intelligence community has continued to work diligently to determine the origin of the “voices” plaguing the president’s age-addled brain. FBI Director James Comey met with the head of the American Psychological Association yesterday and then promptly contacted a FISA judge for a warrant. Mr. Comey told the Discord today, “We need to determine if these messages are the…
The Avenger? Iowa May Yet Bern, Baby, Bern
Bernie Sanders has a crowd in Iowa right now that looks like a Beatles concert with Led Zeppelin opening. On the eve of the Iowa Caucuses and this incredibly important election I can’t help but think, what the hell is a caucus? I could Wiki this shit, but the NHL All Star game is about to start. I…
Trump Unwilling To Back Off Claim That He Is Unwilling To Back Off Claims
CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked Donald Trump today why he never seems to back down, even after an obvious gaffe. Mr. Cooper pointed out how lately the republican nominee seems to be constantly waffling, pivoting and offending, minus any accountability. Mr. Trump responded, “I don’t think that’s true. It’s not true. I can be accountable when necessary. Most of the…
The Images From The President’s Recent Shootorama That They Don’t Want You To See
Dayton Someone—The Discord has obtained exclusive, Photoshopped images of the president’s recent mass shooting twofer. The pictures were apparently leaked to the internet, before they were downloaded into an older and more affordable version of Photoshop where they were altered by a crazed-liberal hack. These images now depict the president in seemingly more offensive activities that …oh, who am I kidding? The…
