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First Truly Bipartisan Action! Flame Retardant Dropped Into Trumps Mouth

New York, NY—Bipartisanship is currently rampant on Capitol Hill. The 114th Congress is starting to coalesce around some key Donald-related-issues. Republicans are motivated to derail the Trump candidacy and Democrats just want to put an end to the incessant Trump-induced nausea (ITIN). John Cornyn, R-Texas, said, “If we all work together, not only could we…

Paul Ryan’s Departure Tribute At Sistine Chapel Questioned

Rome, IT—Many are voicing their concern with the decision to “upgrade” Michelangelo’s work The Creation of Adam, which adorns the ceiling of Rome’s famous Sistine Chapel. The painting now depicts President Donald Trump and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan in the role of God and Adam. These changes took place shortly after the announcement of Ryan’s pending retirement. Those…

Trump Floats Canadian Border Wall To Halt Bumble Migration

The Great White North—President Trump recently relayed to Homeland Security his intention of building a northern border wall between the U.S. and Canada. At a rally in Orlando, Florida the president explained, “We need to keep out all the Yetis, the Bumbles, the Eskimos and those Abominable Hockey Players. That whole country could win an ugly sweater contest.…

Booker Drops Out Of Presidential Race To Spend Time With Family He Doesn’t Have Yet

Newark, NJ—When a reporter asked Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) about his decision to withdraw from the 2020 presidential race today, he said, “I want to spend more time with my family.” After a follow up question revealed he is currently single with no children, Mr. Booker backpedaled, mumbling something about, “Well, more time with somebody’s…

Fox News & the Tea Party: Sometimes There Isn’t Safety in Numbers

Mick Zano

Fox News now represents 42% of all media news sources combined! Or as I call it, the Red Badge of Discourage. I can tolerate Chris Wallace, Shep Smith is a likeable goof, and I have even warmed up to the Red Eye crew.  But, truth be told, I only watch their late night antics when my wife throws me out of bed.  So, actually, I’ve been watching a lot of Red Eye lately.

Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count This High in Roman Numerals

Apology VXIC: Yes, We Can No Longer Count this High in Roman Numerals

Philadelphia, PA—Since the inception of The Daily Discord our apology posts have managed to stay behind the number of total Super Bowls, thus our ability to figure out the applicable Roman numerals. Today, however, we find ourselves sadly heading into unchartered mathematical waters (UMW). I don’t even know what the C means in Roman numerals, but here we are. Time and time again our problems start and end with Mr. Mick Zano and his endless journalistic transgressions. His barrage of lawsuit-magnet yuck yucks arrive in each of his submissions like clockwork. If only his submissions themselves could arrive with such consistency and timeliness.

It is getting so bad that I sometimes even think back fondly to the days of The Ghetto Shaman. Speaking of the devil, when he is released from the Lycoming County Prison, he plans to resume his weekly column. Oh, and in related news, the Shaman’s legendary self-help book The Tao of Skullfucking is already outperforming Hillary Clinton’s autobiography Hard Choices. Okay, so neither are actually selling on Amazon, but that does kind of make them equal.

Anyway, onward with the unfortunate retractions at hand…

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