Philadelphia, PA—The allegations are flying today as the popular e-zine, The Daily Discord, falls under increasing scrutiny over what many are calling a clear foul. The controversy is centered around an image depicted on the Discord’s October 5th coverage of their recent “I’m Having a Hard Time Giving a Shit” rally. The image makes it appear like more people attended the rally than actually did. It’s a technique known to PhotoShopsters as the Bachman Effect—used by Fox News to make impotent rallies seem a bit more rallyier (rallyier is a word, by the way, we checked with the Bard of Wasilla herself).
CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, is denying allegations that his staffers doctored the photo for the purpose of furthering his nefarious agenda.
“It’s preposterous!” yelled Winslow at reporters outside of his suburban Philly home. “Nothing about that photo says doctored to me, and I oughtta know.”
A reporter pointed out how, if you look closely enough at the image, some identical people actually appear on both sides of the reflecting pond.
“It’s a reflecting pond!” shouted Winslow. “It’s what reflecting ponds do! I can assure you the image we snatched illegally from Google Images has not been tampered with in any way. We have Elements, the cheaper, watered-down version of PhotoShop, which is set to expire if we don’t figure out how to register the software.”
“How could we keep a conspiracy this big a secret,” said Discord contributor, Mick Zano. “Too many people would need to know. Now I admit I did originally suggest they make the Washington Monument into a big penis with a Santa Claus cap on it, but increasing the crowd, never!”