Middle Earth—Inspired by the Middle East, the Middle-Earth prepared to deal Sauron, the Dark Lord, a wicked blow by organizing an adversarial Meetup group at the Orcs’ Lodge in Lower Mordor.

Unfortunately for the orc uprising, Sauron monitors all online transmissions.  Big wizard is watching!  In retaliation, the sorcerer sent a devastating shockwave from the Dark Tower of Barad-dûr earlier today with fatal consequences.  The bulk of the energy was directed at the Orcs’ Lodge—the blast arrived amidst the Meetup group, disrupting further meaningful online discussion.  Witnesses claim the explosion was felt as far West as Minas Tirith and rattled the flagons as far east as the Scrotum & Mallet deep in the crevice of the Grey Mountains.  The thaumic burst killed an estimated 1,700 orcs and scattered tens of thousands more of the unsavory creatures throughout Middle-Earth. 

Despite the setback for the rebellion, the orc general, Gothmog, is holding out hope that his Twitter account could organize the disenchanted forces of evil much faster.

“Twitter will bring the Dark Lord to his knees!  Besides, I got 27 more followers last week and one of them even knows a cave troll who sympathizes with our cause.”

Gothmog has now been focusing his energies on Tweeting the Goblins over in the Mines of Moria and plans to Meetup with them very soon.

Washington, DC—With the funds saved from no longer supporting National Public Radio, Republicans plan to bomb a number of, as yet to be determined, middle eastern countries.

“This is both doable and advisable,” said Fox News contributor Charles Krauthammer.

The right wing of the right wing is suggesting President Obama pay for U.S. involvement in Libya by ending funding for a program that feeds and houses homeless veterans.  For phase two of the project, Republicans hope to slash funds from NPR and bomb Syria, or some such Muslim country deemed a nuisance.

“He needs to start listening to the voice of fiscal reason,” said GOP nominee hopeful, Newt Gingrich.

When it was pointed out how defunding NPR and homeless veterans’ benefits would only account for less than 1% of the current war effort, still only in its second week, Gingrich countered with, “We have different graphs based on non-Euclidian geometry.”

When asked to explain what that meant, Gingrich, a graduate of the Michele Bachmann School of Spurious Statistics, invited America to see for themselves how wars don’t increase deficits.  This is accomplished through a powerful republican spawned pseudo-math (PRSPM).

Many on the right are enthusiastic about a return to an America on the offensive.

“Defunding NPR is win-win,” added former ambassador John Bolton.  “Less liberal slant and less Muslims, that’s two for two in my book.”

The Republicans master plan is to borrow more yen from Japan, oh shit, borrow more yuan from China…umm, their plan is to borrow more money from somebody and then bomb our way back to economic and military supremacy.