Washington, DC —President Barack Obama informed the press today of his intention to raise the debt ceiling in a new, more phonetically friendly fashion (PFF).

“We want folks everywhere to feel less concerned about our nation’s debt,” said Obama. “And what better way than through creative relabeling? My economic team is hard at work, not only printing more funny money from Panama, but renaming key monetary designations for your spendular enjoyment.”

U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner, told the press, “We have changed the billion dollar mark to the whatmeworry, and a trillion will now be referred to as a Zen-mullet. Also, the Megafonzie, a measure of coolness from Futurama, will now be the equivalent of just under 22-trillion dollars.”

When asked, how much under 22-trillion, Geithner replied, “Just a measly albatross vreeble. Point being, we are currently only a half a Megafonzie in debt, which you have to admit sounds a lot cooler than 11-trillion.”

Each time the U.S. dollar’s bond rating is decreased, Team Obama will simply change those names as well. “I think being downgraded to something like Sparkle Bling status doesn’t sound as bad,” said Geithner.

Even Republicans like the idea, but they will still vote against it on principle.

“…the ‘we just want to get re-elected’ principle,” as clarified by Republican Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell. “If Obama would have just met us halfway, like maybe at that sports bar…”

Radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, added, “We need to change the name of the currency itself not the increments, maybe something from the Hitchhiker’s Guide…like the Flanian Pobble Bead or the Triganic Pu. Changing the increments is just more of Obama’s financial chicanery!”

Mt. Olympus—The Greek God, Zeus, is highly displeased with the Obama Administration’s arrogance. “How dare he force my hand on this, especially considering the sheer number of lightning bolts I’m typically palming at any given moment.”

Zeus feels some of the Obamacare mandates are in direct contradiction to his own belief system.

“You can’t expect me to pay for operations that defy Greek mythological principles,” said Zeus. His chief complaint involves Obamacare forcing him to buy insurance that includes amputation procedures. Zeus believes such amputations would forever disqualify the dead from crossing the River Styx into Hades. “If a person is missing a body part, Charon, the Ferryman, will throw them right out of the boat!” said Zeus. “Is it better to save an arm and spend eternity in limbo or Tartarus? Mortal fools! Obama is forcing this down my throat and I happen to know a thing or two about that. Just ask my father, Cronus.”

Zeus employs over 17,000 mortals but maintains he is only sleeping with the female ones. Zeus is now threatening to burn the White House to the ground unless an amicable compromise can be reached. When asked if he is jumping on the recent Christian bandwagon against Obamacare, Zeus replied, “Don’t conflate issues. Those people hold some strange beliefs.”

In related news, Zeus claimed the life of another golfer in California. “I f*&^ing hate golf,” said Zeus.