Haven’t you ever wondered, what the hell happened your sophomore year?  Why did she really break up with me?  Why did I wake up naked in that a Tijuana jail?  Was that gladiatorial games reference on the back of that citation legit, or simply some cop’s bad handwriting?

Hi, I’m Mick Zano, and I don’t remember anything that happened in college.  I know many of the Discord contributors were there and lots of campus, local, and state police personnel.  But, after just six hours of reviewing What the Fuck Did I Do?, I understood a lot more about my shady past as well as my recurring nightmares.   As it turns out, I really can’t work in this field, and should resign now.  And, yes, it was gladiatorial games, by the way.

“I knew my husband was an asshole in college,” said Mrs. Zano.  “And now, after he shared the details of his sordid past from What the Fuck Did I Do?, I want him out of my life forever.”

Dave Atsals had this to say, “I realize I misjudged my probation officers.  After reading the file over a long weekend, well, I would’ve been a dick to me too.  You really can’t begin the healing process until you know what happened. And, now I know I’m a terrible, terrible, unredeemable soul, and I think I’m a better person for it.”

Hi, I’m Shagg, owner and founder of What the Fuck Did I Do?  I had to double my disk space and bandwidth when the Discord gang signed up for my services, but the peace of mind they now share is worth every penny.  And, remember, I’m not only the What the Fuck Did I Do? president, I’m also a client.

London, GB—London Police would like to send a stern message to the rioters currently assailing their fair city.  This message is packed with sharp criticism, harsh tones, and less than subtle innuendo.    

Chief Constable Barry Higgins had this to say, “We are not only prepared to say our traditional ‘stop or we’ll say stop again’ number, but we are prepared to say stop as many times as it takes!”

The constable actually said this somewhat congenially during our interview, but insisted we add the exclamation point.  

When asked about authorizing the use of plastic bullets, Constable Higgins said, “No, but we are prepared to use bouts of sarcasm.  A focused stream of satirical quips will sting far worse than any plastic, non-biodegradable, bullets any day.”

Constable Higgins has not ruled out the use of puns but only in “extreme situations” and, as for double entendres, Higgins fears they will, “Go over the head of this lot.”  He therefore recommends a more mocking rancor designed to strike a devastating sarcastic blow to the heart of such common rabble.

Higgins feels the English bobby has a reputation to uphold, and that it’s “time to take a bite out of crime.” He then added, “But not literally, of course.”