Philadelphia, PA—CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, is furious that no one posted any of the Daily Discord’s  submissions for this week’s Draw Muhammad Day.

“Sure, we Photoshopped the shit, but that’s how we roll.  Who draws?  Do I look like I still play with crayons, you cretin-blogging dickwads?!  OK, don’t answer that.”

Witnesses claim that Winslow has grown completely irrational after the realization that every blogger from Seattle to Georgia refused to post any of the Daily Discord’s twenty-seven computer generated submissions.

“That’s nonsense,” disagreed Discord contributor, Mick Zano.  “Winslow’s always completely irrational.” 

Since no one picked up any of the controversial material, Mr. Winslow is calling for lashings, beheadings, and belashings—which is, actually, more reminiscent of his ill-received Draw Muhammad in Drag Day.  In retaliation, the Daily Discord is planning to host Everybody Photoshop Muhammad Day next week and Winslow would like to add, “And we’re not taking any of your submission at this time, bitches.”

Miami, FL—George, George, George of the asphalt jungle is at it again! Only hours after pulling several people from a burning SUV, the controversial neighborhood watch member turned superhero proved his mettle again; this time by saving countless children from a fiery death.

Eyewitnesses claim he prevented a toppling building from crashing onto a park filled with children. The caped Zimmerman allegedly held the building aloft until the area was cleared by emergency personnel. The mask and his outfit had people wondering if he was fighting crime or this was his alternative to the Acquitted Protection Program.

“I wasn’t sure it was him at first, with that whacky get up,” said Ella Porter of Miami Shores, “but when he started firing random shots at the fleeing black kids, we knew.”