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Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Second Inconvenient Truth Linked to Al Gore’s Cross-Dressing

Nashville, TN—Former Vice President Al Gore is downplaying his retreat into seclusion since the recent global warming scandal surfaced.

“I was not hiding for that!” insisted Gore.  “I was getting up the courage to tell the American people my real inconvenient truth.”

Gore revealed to a stunned audience that he enjoys dressing like a woman, “even more than Rudy Giuliani.”

Gore admitted to reporters that the real motivation behind his “green” activism was the fear that “if the world became too hot, people would notice my fishnet stockings.”  Gore added, “Now that my secret is out, I plan to strut my stuff whenever and wherever possible.”

Gore ended the press conference by pulling off his suit pants, revealing a pair of silky nylons, to the backdrop of Tim Curry’s version of Sweet Transvestite.

He then attempted to climb a nearby flag pole, yelling, “I am woman, hear me Gore!” before being dragged out of the room by security.  

Dear Sir,

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the above faux article about the “green” activist who wears women’s clothes. Many of my best friends are eco-activists and only a few of them are transvestites.

Yours faithfully,

Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs.)

PS — I have never kissed the editor of the Daily Discord.

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Is Erisology Our Save-The-Debate Card?

John Nerst, a self-described Nerstian, created a potential new field of study he calls Erisology. He named this budding discipline after Eris, the Greek goddess of Discord, so he had me from “hello!” Nerst hopes to spotlight the misconceptions surrounding today’s debates as well as the perspectives, assumptions, and worldviews currently hindering our daily discourse. Biases are…

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Afghani Troop-Level Decision Shifts From Accelerated Contemplation Phase to Advanced Hesitation Phase

Washington, DC – President Barak Obama announced today that Operation Troop Tarry has moved into the final part of the third phase, wherein the decision to schedule the pre-meeting to establish several meetings between the Obama Administration and several key military personnel can commence.

“Our troops on the ground in Afghanistan can not wait another minute,” said Obama. “Due to the urgent need for a decision regarding troop levels, we are skipping Assignment Afghani Adjourn and moving directly to Project Prolong Executive Endeavor.” 

When asked what that meant, Obama tapped on his teleprompter and muttered something about Bible thumping hickwads.

Apparently, the first in a series of nearly scheduled meetings will initiate Operation Outlook Express, wherein the secretaries of all prospective attendees will establish a time and place for the pre-meeting round table discussion (PMRTD), where all agenda items for the Stall Symposium will be finalized. 

Obama assured the press, “Once the agenda is set for the pre-scheduling of the meeting’s meeting, our Shock and Defer Campaign can kick into full procrastination mode.”

When asked directly when General McChrystal can expect an answer on troop levels in Afghanistan, Obama replied, “When does the Mayan calendar end again?”

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Ticket Emerges That Finally Captures the GOP’s Values

Ticket Emerges that Finally Captures the GOP’s Values

Washington, DC—Earlier today C. Montgomery Burns announced his intention to buy the republican nomination for president in 2016. Not only is the 4th richest man in the world in, but he has already picked a vice presidential running mate, Ebenezer Scrooge. When asked if he was getting a little ahead of himself, Burns said, “Nonsense, the only head of myself is a Buick-sized 14k gold replica hanging in the foyer.”

Mr. Burns told reporters, “With the passing of Citizens United primaries are a formality. We currently have a Super PAC that could fund the Death Star, with enough left over for a sporty little Death Moon. Write that down, Smithers! Death Moon. Besides, who else do they have? I haven’t seen a field this empty since last week, when I released the hounds.”

If you were to place the skeletons in Mr. Burns’ closet, end to end, some estimate they would encircle the Earth as many as three times, much lower than many of the other republican hopefuls.

Hillary Clinton added, “It’ll be nice to finally run against someone with more baggage than I have.”

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Did Pardoned Turkey Rejoin Anti-Thanksgiving Extremist Group?

Did Pardoned Turkey Rejoin Anti-Thanksgiving Extremist Group?

Washington, DC—President Obama is on the defensive as evidence has surfaced suggesting last year’s pardoned turkey, Cobbler, has rejoined a known Thanksgiving Terrorist group. The Federal Bureau of Ornithology believes the turkey is fighting with the same gobbler-cell responsible for the Great Boise Butterball Basting, the St. Cranberry’s Sauce Massacre, and the Turkey Tetrazzini Terror over at Aunt Betty’s house.

Barack Obama minced no garlic, “Pardoning turkeys is a time honored White House tradition and this is the first bird ever suspected of rejoining with fowl militants. Should this rumor prove true, the full power of the White House kitchen staff will be brought to bear.”

Acting head of the Department of Homeland Security, Rand Beers, added, “We are winning the War on Thanksgiving! America is safe! Or at least it soon will be…you know, when that little temperature thing pops up on its belly.”

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Plight of the Phoenix: How I Stopped Worrying About On-Coming Traffic and Learned to Love the Valley

The Crank

Here are some of the dos and don’ts when driving around the Phoenix area

1. First, learn to pronounce the city name properly; it’s FEE-NICKS. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced (Core-ss).

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