Washington, DC`—Mrs. Tuttle died on May 2nd after being flung from a cliff during the filming of an attack ad designed to embarrass Republicans. The piece depicted a man, similar in appearance to Paul Ryan, wheeling an old lady to the edge of a precipice before hurling her to her death. The ad was designed to scare the elderly into believing Republicans will end their Medicare. Many are asking questions, such as, was this murder or simply gram-slaughter? The Democratic National Committee is claiming they had no idea the actress had not been replaced by a dummy before plummeting to her death.
“She was very quiet,” said actor Bill Stevens. “So we all thought they had made the switch. In retrospect, maybe she was napping.”
The Democratic National Committee has released this statement, “If Republicans get their way, we’re going to have to get used to this sort of thing anyway, right?” said DNC head Rep. Wasserman Schultz. “This could really drive the point home for many. Speaking of points, although Mrs. Tuttle died from her injuries, we can all take some solace that she missed most of the really big pointy rocks on the way down.”
A second statement, released an hour later, is a retraction of sorts, “The last statement does not represent the view of the DNC, but we would like to add that the woman in question was very old.”
The Huffington Post is defending the Dems decision to hurl the lady to her death. “She’s very brave. She will be a true martyr for the cause! It’s like if Rosa Parks didn’t move to the back of the bus but was instead thrown under it. Yeah, it’s kind of like that,” said Arianna Huffington.