London, GB—London Police would like to send a stern message to the rioters currently assailing their fair city. This message is packed with sharp criticism, harsh tones, and less than subtle innuendo.
Chief Constable Barry Higgins had this to say, “We are not only prepared to say our traditional ‘stop or we’ll say stop again’ number, but we are prepared to say stop as many times as it takes!”
The constable actually said this somewhat congenially during our interview, but insisted we add the exclamation point.
When asked about authorizing the use of plastic bullets, Constable Higgins said, “No, but we are prepared to use bouts of sarcasm. A focused stream of satirical quips will sting far worse than any plastic, non-biodegradable, bullets any day.”
Constable Higgins has not ruled out the use of puns but only in “extreme situations” and, as for double entendres, Higgins fears they will, “Go over the head of this lot.” He therefore recommends a more mocking rancor designed to strike a devastating sarcastic blow to the heart of such common rabble.
Higgins feels the English bobby has a reputation to uphold, and that it’s “time to take a bite out of crime.” He then added, “But not literally, of course.”