Tulsa, OK—A team of mercenaries, calling themselves V.O.R.T.E.X, is working closely with Homeland Security to combat a rash of severe weather that has been plaguing parts of the U.S. in recent months.
The group is currently staked out near Tulsa Oklahoma in a makeshift trailer park designed to lure in some of these sinister super cells. When asked what VORTEX stands for, VORTEX President, Tim Yotes, replied, “We haven’t thought of the entire acronym yet, but the T stands for tornado.”
The Obama Administration claims to have hired VORTEX to fight the perception that Obama is soft on weather.
“Last time the twisters struck, I was in London,” said Obama. “I got caught with my britches down, so to speak. Now we’re sending a strong message, FU to all those F2s.”
When asked about the logic of using guns to capture or kill tornadoes, Obama said, “This group does this sort of thing all the time. Let’s leave the tactics to the professionals.”
Obama is not currently endorsing VORTEX’s second strategy, which involves a giant field version of naked twister.
“I don’t follow that one,” said Obama, but he later admitted that “no options are off the table.”