Indictable Boy, They All Said

What my blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, fails to understand about the recent FBI ‘scandals’ is how our leaders have, and always will have, a little more leeway than your average Joe. A Hillary Clinton, or anyone of her stature from either political party, will never go down for a few questionable email exchanges. Whereas I cover crimes that warrant a military firing squad, my friend remains ‘laser focused’ on the equivalent of political jaywalking. I don’t want to make light of the mishandling of classified info, but I do want to make light of everything espoused by our rightwing ideologues. Case in point, almost all Republicans believe the deep-state is out for Donald J. Trump’s head, yet none of them can explain why Comey, a man at the heart of this conspiracy, tipped the election the wrong way. Reverse Spookology? No evidence of some deep-state conspiracy will be found, but a long conveyer belt of indictments are heading for team ass-clown. Does WordPress support a surprise-face emoji? …I guess not.

[Winslow: ]

NYT’s Matt Apuzzo is not convinced Robert Mueller is mounting a crusade, but will continue to do what he has done over the span of his many decades of service to our country:

“As he advanced from line prosecutor to top Justice Department official to head of the F.B.I., his time was marked by aggressive prosecutions but also a deference at key moments to precedent, tradition and higher office.”

Trump will get this built-in deference to the higher office, and that’s okay because it comes with the territory; it’s simply part of the normal Mount Olympus shit. With great altitude comes great latitude? Everyone in the DOJ and our intelligence communities operate from the same understanding of deference (which also happens to be my favorite cologne). Granted there is probably too much leeway in some cases. No, I am not talking about Hillary Clinton. That’s normal level deference, Dubya and Trump constitute unreasonable levels of deference that should end in annulments, war crimes and treason. We need something more in the Goldilock-her-up zone.

Nothing Republicans do in office should fall into this Olympian grey area. Do you think Hillary and Obama’s actions were atrocities? Yes you do, and you will fail to prove any of them. We know, through a thing called reality, that Republican actions can clearly be categorized as atrocities, yet they are ignored.

You’re partisan, Zano!

No. Republican wrongdoing typically ranges from the egregious to the republic-threatening. This is what my friend can’t seem to fathom. Constitution-bending stupidity is his party’s mantra and it will continue to be so until they are greatly mitigated, reformed, or the new Space Force sends them to colonize Mars. Hey, maybe all this Foxal-matter can help Matt Damon’s next crop of shit potatoes?

Thank you, Pokey, for all of your investigatory, yet masturbatory excursions into the mundane, business-as-usual, political sausage making. Again, my friend has yet to answer the one main flaw in his Fedgate ‘logic’, namely, why Comey threw the election for Trump while secretly conspiring against him. Makes sense.

As for our president, any business man of his stature will come complete with X amount of skeletons in the closet, but the difference here? Trump has the Catacombs of Paris piled in his friggin’ lobby. Sorry, but for Trump this ‘deference thing’ won’t make any deference (sorry).

I would not like to see some campaign finance abuse, or other stormy situation tank this turd. The good news is, it won’t. I do not care about his classified slips, business fraud, or his hush funds, affairs and payoffs. I am holding out for some real U.S.D.A prime-choice wrongdoing, you know, the Republican’s M.O. Any quid pro quo between Trump and the Russians unearthed by Mueller requires an annulment, not an impeachment. Otherwise, replacing a sociopathic man-child with a fundamental asshole is barely a step in the right direction.

Pokey wants facts, let’s give him some:

FACT: Nine of Trump’s top brass (including his AG) met with Russians and ALL of them publicly lied about these meetings, some under oath.

FACT: Trump’s senior team attempted to collude with the Russians at the Trump Tower meeting and his legal team has now admitted to this fact, many times, in public, out loud and in tweet form. “But everyone’s doing it.”

FACT: Trump asked Putin, in public, to look for Hillary’s missing emails and then Hillary and her campaign were hacked by the Russians that night. “If Russia or China or any other country has those emails, I mean, to be honest with you, I’d love to see them.” —Donald S. Pionage

FACT: Throughout this entire debacle Trump has clearly sided with Putin, time and time again, over our own intelligence communities. Is this treason in and of itself? Yes, yes it is. Our country is in grave peril and not from Hillary’s private email server.

FACT: In several forums, some in public, Trump admitted he fired Comey to obstruct justice. And, of course, he told this to some Russian agents who he invited into the Oval Office the next day, unsupervised (aka the good guys).

FACT: Mueller’s report will show the details of the already proven Russian election-meddling. If he also focuses on what Trump’s team is doing or not doing to protect our next election, then… FACT: doing nothing is also treasonous.

There is a 100% chance this president is mentally unfit for office and a 75% chance he is compromised to Putin. That is not hyperbole. For hyperbole please refer to any of my friend’s conclusions. Trump’s own deference is toward Russia and there are countless examples of this over the last year and a half. This is a very easy thing to understand. He is either compromised to Putin, or criminally aligned with an authoritarian strongman. Both possibilities are incredibly frightening. Again, if you can’t connect these dots, we’re going to have to order some bigger dots.

How long will you defend this whole: Putin = Good, Media = Bad, Russian Intelligence = Good, U.S. intelligence = Bad routine? It’s stunning, and it’s treasonous. Do you think Trump is secretly protecting the integrity of his midterms? Between tweets? I can make the case for Trump’s removal from office on what he has admitted publically, so how can Mueller’s report be any less damning? But don’t fret, the report will likely be buried in the name of bias and bullshit.

And, sure bias is on the rise. Find me an unbiased adult in 2018 and I will show you a head injury. You’re not getting what’s happening here, but that’s okay. Republicans are cleverly kept from the truth. To figure out the problems of today, look back to what I was predicting five years ago. Bias will continue to be a challenging issue for this country until the Republican reformation, or the revolution. Whatever comes first. Last week one Trumpster on Manaforte’s jury torpedoed ten indictments, single handedly. The damage Republicans will do to this country will only worsen as they continue to breakaway from our collective reality. Meanwhile, thanks to this deference, anything short of collusion will leave this highly incompetent buffoon sitting in the Oval Office, no matter how ugly a picture Mueller paints. Donald J. Trump, like all Republicans before him, will receive ten times the deference as any Dem ever will, and with only half the truthiness.

[Winslow: He already has. At the equivalent point in the Watergate scandal, Nixon’s own party had already sent him packing. It’s a thing called oversight, which doesn’t exist in the current Republican universe.]



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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.