Installation Of Third Floor Zipline Aims To Make Ending White House Career Easier, Funner

Tweet Tower—Members of President Trump’s White House are not enjoying themselves and this is becoming even more apparent when it’s their turn on the old chopping block. Whether staffers leave voluntarily or are forced out, parting Team Trump is such sweet sorrow …well, except the sweet part. This is why Chief of Staff General John Kelly was determined to make leaving the premises quicker and more enjoyable for all involved. He opted to install a zipline that spans 1,287 feet and leads from the Truman Balcony all the way to an open sewer grate on 17th Street.

General Kelly told the Discord, “My first idea involved a revolving door, but that implies some aides and staffers might be returning at some point, which is simply not the case …unless they want to be shot. That’s when I thought of the zipline, because it allows staffers to have a little fun on the way out, something apparently none of them experienced here.”

President Trump’s former Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon, is already crying foul. “WTF? I just left?” said Bannon. “Hell, the seat in my office is probably still warm. No really, I started a fire on the way out. Ha! But I love this zipline idea, love it! I would have left weeks earlier, so may I please be fired again? I’ll tell you what, you fire me again and I’ll make-up only positive things about Trump on for at least two more hours.”


*Funner is a word.

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  2 comments for “Installation Of Third Floor Zipline Aims To Make Ending White House Career Easier, Funner

  1. August 25, 2017 at 7:16 AM

    Its a little steep, we want very steep or a cord that is slacking.

    Also, give pres little t a burning trident to incentivize the jump. (incentivize is also a word)

    Then add some pit with fire or some flesh eating animals so that the voter might get something out of the political process.

    Make it so! No one cares what it costs.

    • Mick Zano
      August 26, 2017 at 3:12 PM

      I worked on the slack thing, I did! But I ended up using a png black line. Sad. Me and photoshop is like a monkey with a gun. In the article it explains the line ends at sewer grate, but your ideas are better!

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