Biden Urges Dems Not To Start War On Christmas Until After Thanksgiving

Washington—In a fiery speech yesterday, President Biden made it clear that any premature attacks on Christmas during the upcoming holiday season would not be tolerated. “Be patient,” urged Biden, “At least wait until the Monday after Thanksgiving to start disrespecting our religious heritage and our country’s belief in Jesus Christ, Santa Claus, or any of Santa’s Merry Men. As the Sheriff on Nottingham once said, ‘Thou shallt not play holiday music in the department stores or display blinking lights before we eat turkey and watch football. We must first stuff our belly’s Friar-Tuck-style and then you can get back to consumerizing the meaning out of Christmas and/or mocking it outright.”

The Biden Administration has set up two separate hotlines to report any abuses. The first one is for early decorations 1(800) pre-Xmas, and a second line is to report any premature attacks on Christmas 1(800) ath-eist. Either transgression will be met with similar legal peril.

That’s all I got, folks. Sup, homies?

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.