Colorado Annexes Nearby Circle-K’s

Colorado Annexes Nearby Circle-K's

Farmington, NM—In the aftermath of the celebrations of 4/20, Colorado fell dangerously low on snack foods. At 3PM the state’s Governor, John Hickenlooper, called a state of emergency by sending a frantic message to Washington, “Hey, like dude, like…heh, heh. FOOD!!”

The shortage became so acute that by early evening waves of Coloradans poured over the borders en masse, overwhelming convenient store snack aisles in adjacent states. By midnight dozens of Circle-Ks were held hostage to the throngs of munch-crazed hooligans.

“It was like a swarm of smelly hipster locust,” said a convenience store owner from nearby Springfield, “I was not initially opposed to this ‘freeing of the seed’ but now I wonder if it is too much of a good thing. I only escaped after turning the slushie machine on high. Those Rocky Mountain Hijackers are still watching the pretty colors spin.”

Next 4/20 many convenient stores surrounding Colorado plan to stock up on extra hemp dogs, roach chips, and ding bongs so this never happens again.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.