I Got Another Letter From Bozell the Clown

Brent Bozell is both a Fox News Contributor and the head of the Media Research Center. Last year, against my better judgment, I joined his merry little band of memes. His website helps the politically insane keep up with all the horrible atrocities liberals are perpetrating on good, decent Americans. You know like smoking pot, drinking beer, and graduating colleges, often simultaneously. Multi-flasking?

After his usual pitch for money, Mr. Bozell backed up his claim that liberalism will likely end humanity with the following examples. Please note the absence of Benghazi, which is somehow disconcerting.

• Consider how the entire New York–Beltway media complex has circled the wagons to deflect criticism of Obama—six years into his failed presidency.

Your lack of any understanding of em-dash usage, Brent—now that’s a failure. See? That’s both a statement and an example. See how liberals can multi-flask? So how has Obama failed exactly? Congress has greatly damaged his legacy, for sure, but last I checked those are your guys. Economically, Forbes scores him higher than Reagan, here, so is Reagan a failure? If that’s the case then who was the last competent republican president? Eisenhower? Okay, but you do realize he was barely republican, right?

•ABC, CBS, and NBC all blacked out any mention of the fact that one of the Taliban detainees swapped for Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl is now seeking to rejoin the terrorist group, so he can return to Afghanistan to kill more Americans.

Isn’t that what a prisoner swap is? Do you actually think our prison system ever rehabilitates anyone? It’s run by republicans for Christ’s sake. No, really, it’s for Christ’s Holy War…only in naked pyramid form. Such prisoner exchanges are standard operating procedures. So…lying us into war and losing said war is okay, but getting one of our own back at the end is intolerable? Wow, that’s a unique perspective, well, it should be.

•NBC News reporter Ayman Mohyeldin attacked real-life “American Sniper” hero Chris Kyle as a “racist” who went on “killing sprees” in Iraq.

Uh, did you actually see the movie? Some of Kyle’s statements were a little troubling. But don’t worry, Brent, they aren’t as troubling as yours. Cult Fiction?

•David Brooks, supposedly the “conservative” columnist at The New York Times, hailed Obama’s speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, where the president insulted Christians by claiming ISIS terrorism committed today was akin to the Crusades—which took place more than 800 years ago!

Obama’s breakfast prayer was a brilliant speech and only insulted those with a reading comp-level on par with, uh, the Media Research Center. I wrote a whole feature on that speech, here. It was integral, insightful and powerful. In other words, NO, it won’t resonate with a fundamentalist dolt such as yourself.

•When tapes surfaced of ObamaCare architect Jonathan Gruber bragging that ObamaCare was deliberately sold as a lie to the nation by relying on “the stupidity of the American voter,” NONE of the Big 3 broadcast networks reported even one word on the day the scandal broke.

I don’t know if the mainstream media covered this story the nanosecond it broke, but they did cover it incessantly for the next week-plus. I couldn’t get away from it. Even MSNBC interviewed that guy, here. But I agree, the quote itself was crude. Here’s how it conveyed the same message more tastefully:

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

― George Carlin

This is the worst you got against Obama and liberals, Brent? …after six years? A president who speaks like an adult at a prayer meeting? Some journalist is disturbed by some disturbing statements made by American Sniper? The media covered something a nanosecond later than Fox Noise? After reading this scathing review of yours, I think Obama should be ranked higher.

I agree Obama either lied or misspoke about the A.C.A. when he said, “You can keep your plan” (at least for about 4% of the country), but the rest of your complaints are crapola, just like everything else that spews from Bullshit Mountain. You and your ilk are the real problem, Brent, and always have been.

Nothing permeates the echo-chamber that you and your ilk have so painstakingly created out of bigotry and lies. As for the Beltway media complex deflecting criticism of Obama “six years into his failed presidency!” …uh, you’re actually thinking about what you did for George W. Bush. From a psychological perspective that’s called projection. Oh, and I had to remove that em-dash again, Brent. But I left it at the end of the feature, where you’re welcome to [censored].

I like my list of Bush’s atrocities better: lying us into war, botching war, torturing, and then breaking global economy. More succinct and a gazillion times more damaging (and, yes, I did the Dr. Evil pinky thing). But yeah, sure Brent, a released Taliban prisoner did rejoin his old band. If Obama had a savvier foreign policy he would have implemented the Yoko Ono maneuver. Whatever gets you thru the right?

Whereas I continue to defend a president currently ranked 18th, you defend a president currently ranked 35th. This wouldn’t be so bad were this the year 2234, but we’ve only had 44 presidents. You forever compare apples to oranges for the simple fact that your side is always bananas. Sorry, I was told we needed to end on a fruit joke this week. I agree, we were way over honeydue. Sorry.

*Latest presidential rankings here

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.