You Claim I Keep Ignoring Your Points, Pokey, Which Assumes You Have Some

constitutionzanonMLI’m not ignoring you, Pokey, you’re thinking of women. Booyah! Actually, I just don’t want to address the same issues more than an OCD stutterer with amnesia. I admit our society is growing a bit tone deaf these days, which is why I spend so much time discussing the cognitive distortions at play. In part, this is why I was forced to endorse Hillary Clinton. Despite some poll shifts, I still feel she’s more electable than Bernie. The main reason, you ask? The right wing’s attacks on her have become background noise. They exist a few frequencies higher than the sentient human ear can register. Although, I do admit I like to shout “Benghazi!” out my back window just to hear the inevitable barking.

Meanwhile, the “Bernie is a socialist” attacks will resonate with independents. These attacks won’t have any relevance, outside of the 1940s, but it’s not about merit anymore, is it? I am going to answer ALL of the questions from your last post, Pokey, line by punch-line. More importantly, it will read like Blazing Saddles meets The Pythonian Grail, because first and foremost this is a comedy site! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-uh.

“I can’t do this again, Pokey. The only real deficit is your understanding of history. How about a comprise on this one? Let’s shrink Rush Limbaugh to a size we can drown him in a bathtub?”

I shifted this to a discussion format, so Pokey’s obviously not going to be responding. Count your blessings. Pokey’s full original post, here.

Pokey: We need to find a way to agree on the basics!

Zano: Agreed, but today people have their own facts, their own statisticians, and their own economists. Heck, The GOP has even invented its own math. Fictionometry?

Pokey: On this rag, you always act like you’re debating some fundamentalist caricature of myself.

Zano: I don’t Noah what ark you’re talking about. You recently admitted you would vote for Cruz, so I really don’t care if you’re less rigid in your own personal religiosity than Senator Ted Crazy Pants. You’re not running for president, so it doesn’t Trump your lack of voting prowess. You do realize your candidate makes Joe McCarthy seem like Mahatma Gandhi, right? Be the change in your neighborhood …that you want the police to drag out of their homes in the middle of the night. It reminds me of the time the Ghetto Shaman and I did some salvia at that Buddhist ashram. Ahhh, memories, which in this case are limited to what was written on the police report.

As for referring to The Discord as a “rag”, I’ll have you know a recent poll found six out of ten Discord staffers believe this site is “mildly amusing.”

Pokey: You did recently make one very important point. You identified the third reason for Trump’s appeal as the dissatisfaction of both Republicans and Democrats.

Zano: That is not news. I started addressing the right’s romp rightward over a decade ago. In fact, I predicted this would trigger the left’s shift leftward, which is occurring now at a Sanders rally near you. Here’s a post of mine  wherein I predicted this… uh, you know, back when I was still blogging in crayon and Al Gore invented the internet.

Pokey: When Barack Obama began his first term, he found the nation in economic and international chaos. Admittedly, much of the blame falls on Republicans. But you have to admit, the actions of the Obama Administration have made matters far worse.

Zano: I don’t have to admit anything of the sort, except your overuse of italicized words! I predicted a slim chance of avoiding a second and final collapse under Obama. See how annoying that is?! Thus far our President has presided over one of the strongest recoveries in the west. Forbes scores him better than Reagan in all four major economic categories. Not having read that article, I assume they’re talking about: looks, golf, bling, and three pointers.

Pokey: Republicans tried, time and time again, to elect people to take common sense actions to strengthen our domestic and international standing. Again, I admit these elected officials sold the American people out. Thus the feelings of frustration on both sides of the aisle.

Zano: First off, you used the words “common sense” in the same sentence as “Republicans.” Don’t do that. Essentially, The GOP shifted to more conservative solutions to address the shit brought about by conservative policies. This is like in that movie when De Niro sets fire to places so, as a fireman, he can put out more fires. This is the part where I usually cup my man-parts and shout, “Privatize this, MFs!”

Now that’s how you use italics, Pokey.

Pokey: I have my own list of key problems that our country faces and, no surprise, it differs from yours.

Zano: Yes, I addressed most of this during our exchange from 2013, but here’s Pokey’s list, ah-gen (said Zano, reaching for the Tums). Welcome back my friends to the list of concerns that never ends:

Pokey: 1) Islamic extremism.

Zano: Number one? Approximately thirty Americans died in terrorist attacks in the U.S. in the last eight years. More people died in that same time period while sexting porcupines (sorry, I tried, but I couldn’t find a suitable reference for that …but trust me on this one). I don’t want to downplay terrorism, but I would prefer an effective strategy. The R strategy radicalizes as many Muslims as the military eliminates, because math and war aren’t their forte. Speaking of which, forte is not a number, you’re thinking of forty. You probably don’t even realize we are attacking ISIS, right now, with things called bombs …and appropriate italics usage.

Pokey: 2) Massive national debt and a growing federal government.

Zano: I can’t do this again, Pokey. The only real deficit is your understanding of history. How about a comprise on this one? Let’s shrink Rush Limbaugh to a size we can drown him in a bathtub?

Pokey: 3) Over-regulated small businesses.

Zano: As I have said before, albeit anecdotally, the agencies I have worked for have always struggled to insure their own employees …and, similarly, in my personal life, many struggle to pay their medical bills. Why is this not on the list? Is personal responsibility not working out for you, Pokey? A country needs to either allow people to die in the ER lobby, or cover their citizens’ basic healthcare needs (hint: we do it anyway). This quasi middle ground you’re advocating for is wholly fictional. Screwmana Gold? United Wealthcare?

Pokey: 4) An Immigration policy that reinforces people to come here illegally and discourages people to come here legally.

Zano: I agree, which is why this is on my list too. See that aforementioned link.

(Hey Winslow, can you hyper link back to a hyper link, or will that break the time MySpace continuum?)
[Winslow: Click Here and look at the top]

Pokey: 5) Wall Street bankers and international investors are stealing from Americans.

Zano: So you’re Feeling the Bern, eh? Bernie! Bernie! Nice. Here’s the actual score: Bernie will try and fail, Hillary will pretend to try and take the kickbacks, and Republicans will outright ignore the problem. Same as it ever wuz. We know this to be true due to something called historical political evidence (HPE). This is why I go to Bernie rallies, yet vote out of fear to avoid a country-ending Trump Administration.

Pokey: 6) No transparency for politicians and total transparency for everyday American citizens.

Zano: Wow, Deja View! This appeared on my list as well. I remain the most critical of Obama on this issue. I voiced criticism for the Patriot Act—the legislation that made the NSA overreach legal as it passed—while you did not. I also predicted that, once legalized, future presidents would expand these tools to combat terror. To you, seeing things coming and then accurately predicting how they will play out, translates as, “You’re dead wrong on this one, Zano!”

Pokey: 7) The return of the 10th planet, Nibiru.

Zano: Finally! We totally agree on something! Let’s work out a handshake for the coming alien oppressors. I was thinking of a kind of fist bump, grab your ankles thing. Oh, and bling! We will need plenty of bling!
[Winslow: Uh, kids, there are only eight planets. You’d have to bring back Pluto first.]

Pokey: We have seen an immigration policy that gives more reinforcements for people to come into this country illegally. Speaking of which, what caused the breaking of our immigration system? I’ve never heard a Democrat, including you, ask or answer that question.

Zano: (Yawn.) This is on my list of concerns as well. Oh, and here’s me not answering this same question in 2011 and again in 2014. Maybe like that Bond flick, you should Never Say Never Again.

Pokey: You blame the 2008 collapse on the Republicans, but who sent the whistle blowers to jail for these crimes? Hint: it rhymes with Baroke OweChina.

Zano: I agree with this point, which is why I have been critical of Obama on this score, repeatedly, like an OCD stutterer with—
[Winslow: You used that joke already, Zano. I probably used all of these jokes! I hate you Winslow. And after I gave you your black-hole-inducing hyperlink; ingrate]

Pokey: The American people have begun to suspect that all of the Washington establishment has sold out to those investors responsible for our current crisis. The American people realize that all mainstream politicians have taken money from these international Wall Street investors. In short, the American people are fed-up, so they see Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders as signs of hope. At least those two haven’t sold out (yet).

Zano: Bravo! I agree, so let’s end on a good note. Love ya, Poke! Your last paragraph was not yet addressed here, so let’s dismantle—I mean, cover that next week! Same batshit time, same batshit channel.
[Winslow: Please do not refer to this rag as the “batshit channel.” Thank you.]



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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.