The House Divided

Dave Atsals

Did you back McCain while your significant other supported Obama?   Do you reside in a house divided?  The hard fought campaign still stirs emotions to an amber-level alert.  Sirens blare throughout the nation.  Dinner tables are divided, left verses right.  Double beds are split by the McCain/Obama line.

My not so formal, non-confirmed, occurring sporadically except on X-mas, or NOSEX study proves recent political division has led to the total demise of three formally happy married couples (FHMCs).  Four couples are not speaking, and three others are not consummating the election results.  The fact that this study surveyed only 3 households garnishes suspicion, but, this is the Discord.

In the first house, the wife backed McCain’s anti-abortion stance.  That was all. Nothing else mattered!  Nothing else could have, because she knew nothing else. When I asked her about Earmarks and publically funded elections, she replied, “My tax money shouldn’t go to help people get their ears tattooed.”  The husband voted for Obama, believing that whatever the wife did, the opposite was for the greater good. Can you spell DIVORCE?  The wife couldn’t.

Moving next door to my hard core Republican neighbor’s house, I encountered the same split.  The woman of the house, for Obama, was worried about McCain’s age, and despised Palin.

The female voted for McCain’s experience and loooooved Palin, she stated, “Any one that old has to know a lot.  Besides, I like how Palin winks through the camera.”

They have yet to consummate the election results, nor speak to each other.

As I knocked on the third and last door of my informal survey, it swung open.  I tried not to look inside but couldn’t avoid seeing the election results being consummated right before my very eyes. (My Lord, how does a kitchen table handle such weight?) Later that evening my grandmother stated, “Your grandfather and I do not talk politics.”  Well I guess that explains it, so much for my ‘they really voted for Nader’ theory (TRVFN).

Divisiveness among political views has led to hard feelings, failed marriages, and ended friendships.  At local pubs, dive bars, and one gentlemen’s club, drunken debates (or ‘field work’ as they call it) have surfaced between Daily Discord contributors. These open exchanges of ideas rarely cause Flip Flops in stance. They lead only to hard feelings with no clear cut winner, except the one that yells the loudest and, of course, slips out leaving the bar tab.  It’s all fun and games until someone is barred from their favorite watering hole.

Obama has promised to reach across the aisle and bring everyone together.  In order to do this, he will have to start door to door, preferably at my house.  I will greet him with “Hello Mr. President.  Could you please get my friend Pokey back into Zenos, order Mick to attend Caffeine Anonymous meetings, and remove your line from my bed?  Oh, and one more thing, there are these outstanding bills at a place called the Bullfrog….”

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