The year 2019 proved a tragic one for large spheres of flaming plasma throughout the galaxy. Among those lost are ACS-J1149, Zeta BC-25, and my personal favorite 144471-Ba. One group of stars that include B-Gamma-7 and 888741-E were subsumed by a very naughty black hole from the BDSM Quadrant. Several stars such as GN-z11, HD 140283, and RX J185635-3754 just fizzled out in what scientists are calling “a not so supernova.” And our own chief celestial correspondent, Alex Bone, claims we lost the entire HR-420 cluster after Stellular Resources conducted random coronal-ejection-analysis throughout the quadrant.

We also lost IMDb under even more tragic circumstance, but luckily the demise of that system was captured on film and stored in an online database of the same name. Even more ironic still, the binary system got a two star rating. We are sorry to say we can not cover the demise of any of the white dwarf star incidents as they are typically turned into the equivalent of celestial midget porn by some seedier members of NASA. Reports are coming in that the very popular star C4 exploded on its own accord, which has spurred this publication to consider a 24-hour crisis line for depressed balls of fiery plasma. We would like to hear your thoughts on the name for this service, so far we are going with: the Very Very Very Hotline Indeed.

Black holes are the biggest culprits in the premature deaths of stars. If you see a black hole in your neighborhood, do not attempt to apprehend it yourself, but rather contact your local department of transportation. They can usually fill those things relativity quickly. Sorry. Yeah, I gotta get a day job.