Physicist: Trump Currently Exists In A Quasi State Of Impeachment And Non-Impeachment Duality

Tweet TowerOver the Christmas recess President Trump finds himself in a very strange and precarious yule-time political state, one in which he is clearly impeached, yet not quite impeachedat least not until the articles of impeachment reach the Senate. Historians fear that, if unresolved, the asterisk next to his name will require a second asterisk. Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Pho, explains, “The president resides simultaneously in both political realities. You can not say he is impeached, but you can not say he is not impeached. You could say he is not-not impeached, but I wouldn’t go there-there. I would go halfway there, intermittently, and wait for someone to look, because both quantum and impeachment states require a witness. On a side note, I like to collapse quantum states when I am, or am not, being ejected from a local establishment. Quantumatically speaking, when the impeachment moves to the Senate, it hinges on the presence of an observer, but here’s the rub: if quantum collusion has already occurred, no matter how far Trump has the witnesses driven into the swamps of New Jersey, Bells Theorem kicks in. And it’s never a good idea to have a Bell involved when you’re attempting to bury the bodies. Einstein called this, Spooks Activate To Find Bodies At A Distance.”

Some are encouraging the president to prove whether or not he’s truly impeached by reenacting Schrodinger’s original thought-experiment by climbing into a box with a flask of poison to test this hypothesis. Many are calling this a trap, but you must admit this president likes to collapse things, so why not a quantum wave function? He might like it.

President Trump responded, “Schrodinger? Isn’t that the kid from Peanuts who plays the piano?”

Apparently, unfamiliar with Schrodinger;s work, or his cat, or science for that matter, the president may or may not just ignore this suggestion and/or just grab someone on or about the pussy. I apologize for ending this post somewhere in the ideological perineum. No one wants to ‘taint’ Christmas, so to speak.

In related news, If My Augmented-Reality Car Breaks Down Should I Call A Quantum Mechanic?


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.