Foiled Again: Government Caught Transmitting to Schizophrenics

Foiled Again: Government Caught Transmitting To Schizophrenics

Washington, DC—The Obama Administration is embarrassed over leaked information suggesting the government has tormented the severely mentally ill for many years “just for fun.” The transmission, which started in the sixties from deep within the Pentagon, has encouraged paranoid schizophrenics to try blocking these signals by donning a tinfoil hat.

Whereas President Obama admits the signal is occurring, he is denying any link between it and the makers of Reynolds Wrap.

Obama told reporters, “This was not my idea. Someone back in the day thought this would be funny. I am not condoning the practice but, had I ended this program amidst our fragile recovery, unemployment numbers would have only risen.”

When asked about WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s assertions, which involved the targeting of those suffering from  eating disorders with a “Fat Signal”, Obama got testy, “I personally ended Project Hand Wash for the obsessive compulsive and I completely scrapped Operation: Itsy Bitsy Spider for Arachnophobes. Look, you try spending the entire defense budget on just defense.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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