Monroe, OH—Jesus identified Zeus, the supreme diety of Greek mythology, as the perpetrator responsible for torching the six-story Jesus statue last week.  Jesus was able to successfully single out the giant partially-clad, lightning-bolt wielding Greek god from a police lineup, as the giant partially-clad, lightning-bolt wielding Greek god from last week’s Ohio mayhem.  Although, it looks like Jesus might be pointing to bigfoot in the above picture, police assured the press that Jesus was simply, “Messing with Sasquatch.” 

“He does that,” said Monroe Police Chief, Jack Goldman. “Jesus is a cruel bastard when it comes right down to it.  You should have seen what he did to Nessie, just because her existence flies in the face of Biblical reason.”

Zeus was given the chance to strike a plea bargain yesterday; he decided instead to strike a giant oak tree outside of the courthouse. The act immediately set the tree and a neighboring daycare center ablaze. Meanwhile, Jesus is said to be letting the justice system do its job and is refraining from going all “Old Testament on his ass.”

“Better deal than Nessie got,” said Chief Goldman. “I still got people mopping in there.”