Washington, DC – Iran has failed to meet their deadline to disarm, so President Obama warned how, in the near future, colorful metaphors are likely to descend on the defiant country. Obama has assailed Iran with an increasingly terse tone—a tone that could escalate to swearing.
When asked if the Obama Administration is prepared to use any of George Carlin’s ‘seven words you can not say on television,’ Obama replied, “No options are off the table at this time.”
If Iran continues to thumb their nose at the global community, Obama threatened an “egregious bout of profanity not seen since the Discord’s last Crank feature.”
Defense Secretary, Leon Panetta, stated the dropping of the F-bomb itself is not a matter of if, but when.
“Plans to do anything meaningful to suspend Iran’s nuclear pursuits have been suspended until operation Mock and Caw takes full effect,” said Panetta. “We’re even thinking of an outright regime change, so…like, instead of referring to the Iranian regime as the ‘Iranian regime’, we’re going to call it the ‘Iranian leadership’. See? We changed the regime with no loss of life.”
“As for the old carrot and the stick analogy,” said Obama, “we have used the carrot, so now the time has come to use the smaller, less enticing carrot, and, of course, an egregious bout of profanity.”