Norquist to Unleash Government Shrink Ray!

Washington, DC—Grover Norquist of the infamous “Norquist Tax Pledge” is threatening to use a diabolical machine of his own creation. Mr. Norquist dropped out of the public eye several months ago after many began viewing his tax ideas as “stupid” and “really stupid.” It is believed the tax-crazed political hack has been building a secret lab under our Capitol for many years. Deep in his subterranean layer, with only reruns of Pinky and the Brain to keep him company, the Conservative spokesman has been busy weaving his next diabolical plot. He now claims to wield the most sinister weapon since North Korea’s latest dildo-like missile fail (DLMF).

Norquist is threatening to use what he is calling his “Government Shrink Ray” on all of our largest government funded agencies and institutions.

The Obama Administrations is refusing any and all of Norquist’s demands, which among other things included Jessica Alba and a French maid’s costume.

“Look,” said President Obama, “if we allow him to shrink government, he already said he would strangle what was left in a bath tub. I would rather give Putin our nuclear codes or give Ahmadinejad my personal cell phone number. Besides, we would have to see some proof of this fantastic weapon.”

Norquist responded, “I have actually had a smaller prototype for several years and I have already tested that once. Do you remember what happened back in April of 2010? Do you remember an agency called ACORN? MwHa ha ha ha ha!”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.