Philadelphia, PA — CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow announced his intentions today to retrieve all of the pencil sets that looked like pens distributed at this past year’s Christmas party. The gifts were allegedly purchased with recently acquired stimulus funds.
“If my staff is going to bitch about everything,” said Winslow, “then they can type their articles with their own damn pencils.”
Mr. Winslow is said to be displaying increasingly bizarre behaviors. He reportedly made rooster sounds in the middle of the interview and began hurling handfuls of the Discord’s office supplies from the agencies’ third-floor business suite onto some surprised motorists below.
“This is a sad day for the Discord,” admits the ezines’ Chief Vegas Correspondent, Bald Tony. “And by sad, I mean typical.”
When asked if he would be honoring the mandate to return the item, Tony replied, “From my cold, dead…sure whatever.”