Debate Shifts Toward Policy: Turns Out Republicans Don’t Have Any

admin-ajaxVegas interrupted my debate viewing pleasure a tad, but I got the gist of it. Small government (flashing lights and sounds), lower taxes (cocktail waitress), gut regulations (yellling from the craps table). I can’t stand these debates anymore. Leave me alone, Mr. Winslow! I’m in Vegas researching an important Guinness feature. I like Guinness, much more than I like conservatives. The republican debates were fun for a while but now it’s time to focus on other things, you know…like these gentlemen escorting me out of the casino.

Since I’m in Vegas, let’s upgrade from clown car to cirque du soleil. Instead of watching this rollercoaser, I’m getting on an actual one at the New York New York. Instead of gambling with water and air quality, let’s gamble with my child’s college fund. It’s easy to be cynical today, especially when you listen to a group of people who’s baseline involves fuzzy math and zero historical context. Democrats try to make sense and fail, republicans make no sense yet remain insistent. As for this last debate, like everything else in Milwaukee it gave me a case of the Schlitz. Here’s the low-light reel:

Foreign Policy:

As usual, I liked what Rand Paul had to say about foreign policy. He’s the only realist in this area, which means no one will understand the words coming out of his mouth and his statements will be met with the defeaning silence usually associated with mentioning reality. The antithesis, Ben Carson, …well, here’s my live Tweet:

The Daily Discord ‏@DailyDiscord · 14h14 hours ago

Carson sounds like that pageant gal … the U.S. should help the Iraq & the Asian countries for a better future for our children #GOPDebate

 

Minimum wage:

Everytime we raise the minimum wage we lose jobs. Wrong. Every time we elect a republican we lose jobs. And what and where are these high wages in 21st century America? I don’t want a 15-dollars an hour minimum wage either, but we need to find a way that keeps our work force in step with the cost of living. Most on the left are calling for an incremental jump, which will not likely hurt jobs, but will likely help my family move away from McDonald’s to fancier meals like Wendy’s.

 

Obamacare:

Let’s all say it together: repeal and replace Obamacare ….uh, with what, a single payer system that covers everyone? Hah! Replace this, GOP! Yes, I’m making an inappropriate cupping gesture. The Fiorina rant on Obamacare seemed completely fact free. The usual.

 

Regulation:

Repeal the clean energy act, Jeb? Gut this (see above ‘cupping’ gesture). Kasich mentioned his father died of Black Lung Disease. I think his father coughed up something, somewhere, right after Jeb’s statement. It’s not back lung, it’s the sweet lungy tar of freedom!

 

Economy:

How do we get the economy growing? Take one from team Seinfeld and do nothing. No entitlements, no roads, no services, no problem! What’s cool about a Fox debate is how they ask a fictional question and then get the fictional response from their prosepective candidate. Good work if you can get it. I will give Fox News kudos for mentioning something true last night. Dems have created way more jobs in recent years and they pointed this fact out to Carly Fiorina. She, of course, ignored the question and slipped right back into her standard delusional, Lady Liberty meets Gordon Gekko routine. You go, girl!

 

Benghazi:

Last time it was Rubio, but this time Ben Carson rose to the irrelevant occasion. Even though nine committees couldn’t prove any wrongdoing, it’s still a great applause line. She somehow lied about the video that did factor into the attack on an American embassy. Okay…. maybe 17 more committees and I’ll know what the F you people are talking about. Kidding, a joint and a bottle of Two Fingers.

 

Trump:

Border wall, deport wetbacks, winning!

 

Cruz:

This man is unhinged. Amongst the crazies this man stands out in a clown car. Giant red nose sold seperately.

I’m done. We know Trump, Carson, Cruz and Rubio are the only possiblities at this point. The rest need to be pulled off by the big hook thing and then driven back to their respective pens.

Sorry to be a buzz kill, republicans, but our best days are behind us. This is sadly the case for a host of reasons you will simply never understand. The moderators pointed out Hillary’s recent statement on how we should all get used to 2% economic growth. She’s telling the truth. I predicted this new normal post-Bush, before the collapse of 2009. To keep operating ‘business as usual’ while ignoring population, polution, waning resources, climate issues is madness. But that’s their whole schtick, isn’t it? Take away trickledown and anger and what do they have left? Fiorina Dog Chow? …what, I’m not talking about her face. You’re thinking of your lead nominee. A true class act (woof).

Republicans forever have their Trump card, don’t they? (pardon the pun.) “The media hates us.”

Such and such’s response indicates said candidate has a clear lack of understanding of this issue.

“The media hates us.”

Your biography has several inconsitencies.

“The media hates us.”

Your comment is wrong based on numbers from 2010.

“The media hates us.”

There is nothing to substantiate your claim.

“The media hates us.”

How about, the media doesn’t like you because you don’t make sense? I think that’s more accurate. I admit CNBC did a terrible job moderating the prior debate. Instead of just letting them be morons they tried to go out of their way to display this to the world. And they blew it. They should have went with the premise from that Costner baseball movie, ask it and they will dumb. I think NBC in general has failed to realize they’ve slipped to near-Fox-levels-of-incompetence (NFLOI). I’m afraid it hasn’t gone unnoticed. The media’s bar has now been set so low I’m worried about breaking some top-shelf whiskey with my feet. Back to my Guinness story and some semblance of sanity.

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