Archeologist Ignores Disembodied Call of Subterranean Old Ones

Arkham, MA – When a mysterious summons ebbed from a newly formed fissure in the Earth’s crust, Dr. Sterling Hogbien, of the Hogbien Institute and Boutique, decided, in his own words, to “give it a miss”. The aged archeologist felt that climbing through the nethermost caverns to the ancient tomb of Yog-Sothoth in the heart of the deep-frozen city “just sounded like a bad idea.”  Hogbein asserts that the huge sinkhole formed in his backyard shortly after poring over a grimoire known only as the Necronomicon.  A tentacled god-like beast from unknown Kadath then psychically reached across the void and asked Hogbien if he wouldn’t mind tearing out his own throat and bringing him the ancient text, in no particular order. Hogbein reportedly apologized for any inconvenience, but denied the request on the grounds that he really needed to do some laundry and get to the bank that day. 

“I don’t know why anyone would wade down through the subterranean Black Lake of Ubboth when there are perfectly reasonable things to do around the house,” said Hogbien.  “Some people take this archeology thing a bit too far.” Although, to be polite, he did tell the monstrous inter-dimensional entity, “maybe next time.”

According to Hogbien the hole has since resealed itself.

When asked if he had any regrets about not climbing into what might have been the archeological discovery of a lifetime, Hogbien replied, “You’re fucking kidding, right?”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.