Hillary named Chelsea as her Vice Presidential running mate, reinforcing the campaign theme of ‘keeping it in the family.’ Extinguishing a cigar, her husband said, “My one presidential regret—not keeping it in the family.” The pressure mounts as what’s-his-name shows some promise at the Convention. “So it is imperative,” she claims, “to take the offensive.”
“Bringing Chelsea on board solidifies the ticket while making my assassination less plausible.” It’s expected that Chelsea’s youth will ‘seize the change’ Carpe diem, a theme inexplicably ducked by all of the rivals. Add the youth vote and the historical significance of the first all female ticket, and you’ve got yourself a team of instant acclaim.
The Clintons, who ran a very successful, although admittedly aggressive campaign, stated, “It’s time to reenergize our base to secure the Democratic nomination. We’ll never give up our fight to bring strong family values back to this great nation. Although unable to secure the nomination during roll call at the convention, we are confident that our ‘willingness to concede’ will catapult us back into the race. Enough super delegates will be persuaded before the General Election.” Talk about a November surprise.
Due to her rave reviews in Denver, Hillary believes she can capitalize on the momentum. She stated “My charismatic speech at Borat’s convention proves that I am presidential and ready to lead.”
Senator Obama, upon hearing of the announcement, had no comment, just a bewildered look.
Senator McCain stated “I am not sure how many daughters Hillary has; I will have to check with my aids.” But within hours he ran an ad questioning her radical voting record at Stanford regarding cafeteria food, the use of microwaves in dormitories, and her ‘liberal’ arts degree. When asked about her readiness to lead, McCain added, “Remember, she is one heart beat away from…what were we talking about?”
Undaunted by the attacks, Hillary retorted “the old bastard is playing right into my hands.”