New Technology Lets Blind See Porn

Erisa Brahe

We stand on the cusp of a new era where man and machine will finally merge, creating an ultimate hive mind that does nothing but stare at cute cat pictures on the internet.  While hover boards, flying cars, and moon bases seem distant dreams, there is something to be said for having a device that fits in your pocket and brings you porn on demand. 

However, there’s hope on the tech horizon future as prosthetics developer, Second Sight, announced they have received FDA approval of the Argus II, a bionic retinal implant that has allowed blind patients to see again.  Now you can honestly tell your children, “Yes, you can become a Geordi La Forge-Jason Russell Hybrid when you grow up.”

As interest in wearable technology increases, Google has already announced that it is developing a set of augmented reality glasses, which would allow the wearer to surf the web and complete other mobile computing with just their eyes.  Dubbed Google Glass, their CEO has already apologized for future cross-eyed children, failed college classes, and vehicular damage caused when motorists “Surf and Drive.” 

However, we at the Discord are looking even farther down the road.  Coupled with Google Glasses, recipient of the Argus II implant have the potential to surf the web at any time.  Stuck in a business meeting?  Play Angry Birds with your eyes.   Stuck making small talk with an annoying person?  Bring up Redtube.  They’ll be none the wiser unless you have tightfitting pants.  Those with the Cyber Sight could even web surf in their sleep.  Ride the Poptart Cat Rainbow in your dreams or let your subconscious become the start of its very own porno. The only limit is your own imagination and all the 404 error pages out there!

Of course while you are skull-fucking, the possibility of plugging any part of your brain to the internet creates the opportunity of cranial cyber-attack.  You don’t want to open the wrong file on Piratebay and then end up bringing something home to your wife.  The potential for these Cyber STDs (CSTDs) could be disastrous. HD VD? How is anyone going to be able to read any Discord articles if worms and trojans are taking up all available memory, downloading random things into your brain, or causing a total system shutdown?

Luckily, technology may be able to save us there as well.  According to images recently leaked from the US Patents office, Apple may be developing a watch-like mobile device.   Unofficially, named the iWatch by many Apple fans, this technology can finally allow us to have those Dick Tracy wristwatches we’ve been saving all those box tops for since the 50s.  Coupled with microchip technology, the iWatch has the potential to monitor the wearer’s vitals, including blood sugar, cholesterol levels, and sperm count.  It could detect a heart attack as its happening, bringing up helpful apps to help you update your will, count down the time you have left, and contact the priest, shaman or holy person of your choice.

The Discord has already claimed the trademarks to the iWill, iPriest, iYig, and iDeath apps…well, they would have but they had to go to the virtual pharmacy mall for some cyber ointment.

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  2 comments for “New Technology Lets Blind See Porn

  1. January 12, 2021 at 12:29 AM

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  2. January 12, 2021 at 3:44 AM

    What’s up?

    I found this article very interesting…please read!

    Do you remember the blockbuster hit film The Matrix that was released in 1999? You may not know this, but it has deep spiritual implications concerning the times we are living in and Bible prophecy.

    It tells a story of how these “agents” are trying to turn us into machines. We are closer then ever before for this to become a reality when they cause us to receive an implantable microchip in our body during a time when physical money will be no more.

    You may have seen on NBC news concerning the implantable RFID microchip that some people are getting put in their hand to make purchases, but did you know this microchip matches perfectly with prophecy in the Bible?

    “He (the false prophet who deceives many by his miracles) causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name…

    You also may have heard of the legendary number “666” that people have been speculating for possibly thousands of years on what it actually means. This article shares something I haven’t seen before, and I don’t think there could be any better explanation for what it means to calculate 666. This is no hoax. Very fascinating stuff!

    …Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666″ (Revelation 13:16-18 NKJV).

    To see all the details showing why the Bible foretold of all these things, check out this article!


    GOD is sending out His end time warning:

    “Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, ‘If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name'” (Revelation 14:9-11).

    In the Islamic religion they have man called the Mahdi who is known as their messiah of whom they are waiting to take the stage. There are many testimonies from people online who believe this man will be Barack Obama who is to be the biblical Antichrist based off dreams they have received. I myself have had strange dreams about him like no other person. So much so that I decided to share this information.

    He came on stage claiming to be a Christian with no affiliation to the Muslim faith…

    “In our lives, Michelle and I have been strengthened by our Christian faith. But there have been times where my faith has been questioned — by people who don’t know me — or they’ve said that I adhere to a different religion, as if that were somehow a bad thing,” – Barack Obama

    …but was later revealed by his own family members that he indeed is a devout Muslim.

    So what’s in the name? The meaning of someones name can say a lot about a person. God throughout history has given names to people that have a specific meaning tied to their lives. How about the name Barack Obama? Let us take a look at what may be hiding beneath the surface…

    “And He (Jesus) said to them (His disciples), ‘I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven'” (Luke 10:18).

    In the Hebrew language we can uncover the meaning behind the name Barack Obama.

    Barack, also transliterated as Baraq, in Hebrew is: lightning

    baraq – Biblical definition:

    From Strongs H1299; lightning; by analogy a gleam; concretely a flashing sword: – bright, glitter (-ing, sword), lightning. (Strongs Hebrew word H1300 baraq baw-rawk’)

    Barak ‘O’bamah, The use of bamah is used to refer to the “heights” of Heaven.

    bamah – Biblical definition:

    From an unused root (meaning to be high); an elevation: – height, high place, wave. (Strongs Hebrew word H1116 bamah baw-maw’)

    The day following the election of Barack Obama (11/04/08), the winning pick 3 lotto numbers in Illinois (Obama’s home state) for 11/5/08 were 666.

    Obama was a U.S. senator for Illinois, and his zip code was 60606.

    Seek Jesus while He may be found…repent, confess and forsake your sins and trust in the savior! Jesus says we must be born again by His Holy Spirit to enter the kingdom of God…God bless!

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