Los Angeles, CA—A popular L.A. restaurant turned into a bloodbath yesterday as the cast of The Walking Dead poured into the entrance of Trader Vic’s en masse. Witnesses describe the utter chaos that ensued as utter chaos. Sorry, Thesaurus.com is down again.
One NRA member said, “When you hear screams and then you see a bunch of zombies all over the place, that’s probable cause. I commend those brave men and women who acted decisively, with head shots, to defend our freedoms from the zombie oppressors.”
One witness, currently charged with two counts of manslaughter, added, “What if this was the initial outbreak and we didn’t do anything? People would have been really pissed.”
Liberal witnesses feel differently, “I don’t know why gun-totting conservative types were there in the first place. This is Los Angeles for God sakes. When are they going to finish that Arizona/California state border wall? It can’t happen soon enough.”
Many in Hollywood are concerned about next week’s Game of Thrones cast party. Actor Peter Dinklage said, “Sure we’ll tie the dragons up outside, but none of us are leaving our weapons at the door. Not in this town.”