Chicago, Ill—”Mistakes were made,” said Tab Majors, chief organizer of World Aids Day. “We certainly weren’t encouraging people to go out and contract AIDS on World AIDS day.”
Many believe the group’s slogans, such as ‘Join the Growing AIDS Coalition’, were too ambiguous, and critics insist a comma between ‘sex’ and ‘toy’ could have avoided a lot of embarrassment during their Safe Sex Toy Drive.
Chaos ensued during their event designed to promote needle exchange programs.
“We certainly didn’t want people banging hub right there in the middle of the parking lot and then passing the used needles around,” said Majors. “Who knew our fifteen-foot hypodermic needle float would be such a trigger?”
The chief organizer is also denying allegations his recent journal Study Suggests Promiscuity Decreases Masturbation has led to a marked increase in high-risk behaviors amongst scholarly teens. Perhaps the worst misstep came when Mr. Majors announced over a loudspeaker that it was Condom Free Day instead of Free Condom Day. The mistake was complicated by the timing—the gaffe occurred during the naked candlelight vigil directly after the Viagra snorting contest.
“We will certainly rethink our decision to invite hordes of heroin using Haitian Hookers next year,” said Majors, “Or at least not as many.”