Ted Cruz’s Top 10 Role Models

1. That guy who flew his plane into IRS headquarters.

2. That woman who drove her car into the White House barrier.

3. That guy who voted for The Surge in Iran (he meant Iraq, God love him).

4. Senator Joseph McCarthy (kidding, he doesn’t know who that is).

5. Dumb of Dumb and Dumber (he hates the really dumb one, hates him!)

6. The CEO of BP during the gulf oil spill.

7. Jerry Sandusky (before the scandal).

8. Gandhi, no wait Ted Bundy, no wait the guy from Married with Children.

9. Jesus (minus all that hippy shit he said).

10. Frank Burns (the Larry Linville and the Robert Duvall version). And he doesn’t eat worms, he doesn’t!

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.