Johnny, Rosin up Your Bullshit: the Charlie Daniels Effect

Mick Zano

So this rightwing propagandist is making videos of ill-informed Obama supporters and then calling their stupidity: The Obama Effect. I tend to make more of a dent focusing on republican congressman and senators who actually say shit, out loud, about important issues, aka Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel need not apply.

Check out these Paul Joseph Watson videos here. Look, no one is arguing people are misinformed, across our nation, across political parties, across cultures, across dressing. My point has always been, I don’t need to do an In Search Of episode to look for idiots on the right. The trick is finding those last few insightful ones.

Or:

George Carlin

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

—George Carlin

It’s also an interesting tactic to call the guy who’s still trying to fund education the cause of said lack of knowledge. That’s called “spin”—spelled wrong, of course. Look, if you go to an Occupy or a Tea Party rally there are plenty of dumb signs, misspelled badly, but in their defense there’s no grammar check option on cardboard or sheets.

Bad Signs

Meanwhile, conservatives are reduced to scouring the world for people dumber than they are, which, admittedly, does sound arduous.

“This guy’s even dumber than us! Get him on camera, quick!!”

—John Q. Republican

It’s a fairly meaningless approach…wait, “fairly” is above average for the GOP…proceed, Governor. I rarely go there but when I do it’s strictly in the name of comedy.  I usually direct my ire toward republican leaders. Umm, until this one pissed me off.

So a hearty Pythonesque Have at You!!!!

Charlie Daniels

“You people are some of the most disgusting examples of a waste of protoplasm I’ve ever had the displeasure to hear about.”

—Charlie Daniels, on those opposed to the Iraq War.

Here’s the same thoughtful and insightful man a few weeks ago on Syria:

Charlie Daniels

“I have never seen an American president so confused, befuddled, impotent, and insincere, and out of his depths as Barack Obama on this Syria issue.”

—Charlie Daniels

Iraq:

Four thousand dead Americans and upwards of a million dead Iraqis and I never once, not once, heard anyone apologize. Oh, but here’s a top Bush advisor’s comment this week: we invaded Iraq, because we were looking for somebody’s ass to kick. I believe that was my theory circa 2002. Now I feel like such a waste of protoplasm.

Syria:

Russia, the U.S., the U.N., etc, are all very pleased with the disarmament proceedings with Syria (thus far). Of course, you heard it here first.

In other words, 0 for 2, Mr. Daniels. Why do republicans keep commenting on stuff? You know when I was a young idealistic blogger, I thought we should bomb the Mormons because of the Death Ray I was sure they were assembling deep under their Salt Lake City Tabernacle.  At the time, I believed they were hiding some of the key components on the Planet Kolab, here. (That’s not a real link, I’m just seeing if you’re paying attention.) But one day the truth became apparent, so I stopped offering my opinion on the subject. I even decided against my sequel to Mick Zano: The Mormon Death Ray Question. (That’s not a real link either.)

But, wait…having said that, the Mormon Church has been attempting to acquire beryllium rods which could be used in conjunction with a particle accelerator to create a Death Ray…is all I’m saying.

Let it go, Zano. Breathe, breathe…F*&^ing Mormons. Breathe…

I don’t usually cite entertainer types like Charlie Daniels, but, let’s face it, he’s about as insightful as the rest of ‘em. Whereas my views, as a reluctant liberal, tend to be quite different from the O’Donnell’s or the Garofalo’s of the world, it’s really not the case on the right.  Far too many Foxeteers have gone the full Fox and Friends (FFF). I have plenty of criticism for MSNBC but they’re propagandic beginners compared to Fox.  The GOP is of one mind, or The Special Ed Borg as I call them. Don’t believe me? Just another Zanoesque over-the-top statement? Here’s proof:

“The average republican is now so far right that they’re only allowed one at a time on the observation deck of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.”

—Mick Zano

Oh, you wanted real proof. Okay, here.

Isn’t it time the GOP dumped Charlie Daniels as their Secretary of Stupid? Isn’t it time they went with someone more in tune with the direction of The GOP? Like Billy Ray Cyrus?

Dear Charlie,

The devil went down to grade school and he got his GED.  You lose.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano

You know what liberals tend to do? They tend to stop quoting people who get shit wrong.

Dear GOP,

You can’t make up your own reality and then expect to debate the details. If you want to discuss Marvin the Martian-style politics as it relates to spending on the Planet Kolab at least supply me with some choice peyote or psilocybin.

Sincerely,

The unicorn flying over your head

Why do people on the Right keep saying shit like?

“This guy’s never gotten anything right, I’m curious what he has to say about this topic.”

—John Q Republican

The group-think of the GOP is clearly responsible for this phenomenon as well as most of our nation’s woes. I think it’s difficult for the GOP to identify the terminally wrong. Life in the bubble is a scary place.  It’s like if you and your family stop showering—which we tried recently to save money on toiletries—you may not notice the stench but others certainly will. Boy, did we find out.

Typically throughout history, the people who totally F-up issues tend to disappear into obscurity (see: Neville Chamberlain). This function is apparently no longer working on the right. This is also called the Dick Morris effect, or the Dick Cheney effect, or the…well, just insert some far right dick, here.

Pardon the pud.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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