Jackson’s Doctor Insists He Only Prescribed the Diprivan, Xanax, Valium, Percoset, Demerol, Oxys, and Vicodin: But I Told Michael to Lay Off the Big Jug Extra Malt Liquor

Los Angeles, CA – Dr. Conrad Murray is admittedly denying claims that his prescribing practices contributed to the pop legend’s recent death.

“This is America,” said Dr. Murray, “everyone is on downers.”

Dr. Murray believes that Americans have built up an incredibly high tolerance to benzodiazepines and pain pills.

“It’s in our water system for crying out loud.”

The doctor believes the old med regiments just weren’t making a dent in our neurotic noggins.

Dr. Murray went on to say that, “Higher doses make any beer consumption extra dangerous, or in Michael’s case Big Jug Extra dangerous.”

When the Discord’s own Bald Tony pointed out that Jackson’s BAC was zero and that the Big Jug Extra reference was merely a cheap Discord yuck-yuck from an earlier faux article, Dr. Murray refused to comment.  The doctor does hope that his stock in Astra Zeneca will not suffer for the incident and hopes the drug rep luncheon is still on for Tuesday.

Furthermore, Dr. Murray sends his condolences to the Jackson Four and added, “If you don’t sue, bitches, you can have my script pad.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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