The Deplorable Care Act: ObamaCare 101

Mick Zano

Republicans are derailing Obamacare! Like it needed any help. Back in the day, when I directed my blogger-wrath toward those who thought the Surge in Iraq was a good idea, I, the anti-American hippy liberal I am, still prayed it would work. And I don’t pray often, unless there’s a cop behind me or I’m providing a urine sample for my HR director.

Sure I was against the Surge, but I didn’t try to derail it. I didn’t personally go to Iraq and plant any IEDs to thwart the effort, but Republicans…?  Look, I have been pessimistic about the successful implementation of ObamaCare since its inception, here. I thought it would be difficult for a country as dysfunctional as our own to pull off such a feat but, again, I prayed it would work. Republicans? Naaah. They’re too patriotic.

I was concerned at the time, not about the concept, but about the timing. I still remember how Hillary’s Managed Care got diced up in the 90s. When our politicians got through with it, it wasn’t managed, nor was it care. And this all occurred when we had money. More importantly, at the precise moment Obama was first pushing the Affordable Care Act, I was personally on a soup line.  

No soup for you!

Actually, I was eating a lobster bisque at Brio’s, but I did have to scrutinize between Chardonnay by the glass or by the bottle. It was a tough time.

The GOP’s ObamaCare “Wisdom”:

A.) We don’t want to insure more Americans! That’s a slippery slope to giving a shit.

B.) Sure this was our idea, but when have we ever been right about anything? (Oddly, this one resonates with me.)

C.) We are content with our current business-crushing healthcare costs, minus all of that pesky competence. Yep, unless you’re the 1%, the U.S.’s healthcare system is starting to slip in every measurable category. Wait, that’s a Fox reference…never mind.

America: the Best Healthcare in the World…
America: The Best Healthcare in The World…If your name is Mitt Romney
If your name is Mitt Romney

*Oh wait, George W. Bush’s last procedure is being questioned. Check out Even U.S. Presidents Don’t Always Get The Best Health Care. Where Does That Leave The Rest of Us? See full story over on Slate Mag.

So really nevermind…

D.) We are happy to spend all of our political capital derailing a healthcare system conceived by a man who won the Oval Office, twice, running on that theme.

Got Democracy? Not so much.

E.) We will continue to ignore the other 17 countries who absolutely LOVE their universal healthcare. To find a country in the west that would rather do away with their universal healthcare system see Voyager, which has just left our solar system. Much like Republican thought, Voyager is somewhere over the Ort Cloud. Wasn’t that a Judy Garland song?

“Instead of doing anything remotely meaningful, we’re going to focus on our collective wet dream of impeaching Obama, which there’s no case for, whatsoever, outside of our own delusional world.”

—John Q. Republican

It is astounding to me that Obamcare, which was essentially conceived as a conservative healthcare cost containment solution, has been so effectively demonized. Okay, it’s not. I’ve been covering this story since the Discord gnawed through its first server. I really appreciate republicans, but they’re such socialists.

The Washington Post’s Ezra Klein thinks this is precisely why the GOP is having such a hard time coming up with their own healthcare solution, because essentially ObamaCare is their own plan. I disagree. They have always been and always will be the dupes of insurance companies, CEOs, big Pharma, and anyone else who can convince them that if they mow their mansion’s lawn just right, they can move in soon. Their plan to curb costs is to ignore the problem. They, as always, will let the one percent thrive while the rest of us flounder in COBRA land.

Summary Alert: when I don’t vote for someone I have to watch that buffoon destroy the world and then when I do vote in a president, the republicans block everything he is trying to do anyway. Lovely.

Dear Mr. Obama,

At this point you need to focus on implementing the Affordable Care Act in those states where the political environment makes it conducive and feasible to do so, aka, no square states need apply. Pick and choose your babbles.


Mick Zano

P.S. Did you like the sweater?

Dear GOP,

You can’t do everything in your power to make sure something doesn’t work and then say “I told you so.” It’s similar to the GOP’s bullshit complaint #634: Obama hasn’t passed a budget! Umm, did any of them make it through high school civics class? Certainly their Congressmen haven’t.



If Governor Jan Brewer didn’t show some monster cojones, the Affordable Care Act would have died in my state of Arizona as well—you know, like our freedom/economy tends to under the leadership of libertarian/fiscal conservative types. Yeah, it’s opposite world, only they haven’t figured that out yet.

But Kudos to Brewer! Meanwhile, on a national level, do what is doable, Mr. Obama. If the ACA works well in some places and lousy in others, we can do our R and D checklist….well, some of us can. I believe it will work in some places, but not so much in others. I think Ohio is a real interesting experiment. Republicans scored a huge victory by adding an amendment to their constitution that effectively blocks the ACA, here.  As usual a major victory for republicans can be translated roughly as Ohio is screwed. We will see, maybe I’ll be wrong this time ;).

Thus far those states who want this to work are farther along with its implementation. Insurance premiums have flat-lined for the first time in my adult life and many, many more people are not going to hover one illness or procedure away from ruin. 

Sorry Republican peeps, but personal responsibility ends at cancer. What you’re going to do, shoot it? Good luck with that.  Hold the phony! The Right thrives on fear. That’s it! That’s why they hate being insured. You can’t take away their fear; what would be left? Let’s just insure democrats. I wouldn’t want to upset the already edgy and think of the money we can save? It’s win-win.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.