Seattle, WA—Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos left his robotic dog off its leash during its morning walk to do its bushiness, which he claims involves balancing the Amazon budget, when suddenly the mutt darted into traffic. The act caused a driverless Uber to hit one of his Amazon’s delivery drones carrying a shipment of handless handsets. You can’t make this shit up, folks, well I did, but you probably can’t is my point.

This is fake news. I know, we’re trying to stick to satire here at the Discord, but in the Age of Drumpf what does that even mean anymore? Inquiring minds want to know.

“Does anyone remember laughter?”

—Robert Plant