Montreal, CA—In response to the recent terrorist act, Prime Minister of the Canadian Parliament Stephen Harper, is less than pleased with his Skype session with Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, the head of the Islamic State. Their on-line meeting was plagued with translation difficulties, explosions, and streaming issues that tragically spilled over into the first period of Sunday’s Blackhawk/Senators game.
Prime Minister Harper suggested the two factions settle their differences by “meeting over a Molson and maybe playing some hockey, eh?” To the dismay of the Canadian Parliament this request was met by calls to “behead the Canadian infidels!”
Harper told The Discord today, “I know we already called this recent veteran car attack an ‘act of terror’, but this is Canada. Before we make our ultimate decision we must defer any final judgment to our goal judges in Toronto, eh? You know, after we review the instant replay.”
Harper continued, “The great Canadian Empire has a strong history of conquering all those who stand in our way, although we admit we’ve had some trouble with parts of the Chicago, Boston and Los Angeles lately. Whereas we stand by our allies in this fight, we are getting a late start to this whole Islamofascism-thing but remember, we have mounted police. That doesn’t mean their shagging anything. Au contraire, it means they’re on horses. I know what you’re thinking, and NO. They don’t do that either. That’s just sick.”
When asked what Harper plans to do about ISIS, should the hockey pickup game plan not occur, the Prime Minister responded, “Make no mistake, we are not afraid to deploy our Mounties into the more heavily-wooded areas of the Middle East for the purpose of keeping the peace.”
He later emailed the Discord requesting all the ‘ehs’ from his previous statements be removed and, “If I happened to say back bacon, ditto.” To which the CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, responded, “No problem, eh.”