Longbeach Township, NJ—Governor Chris Christie explained to reporters his idea to build a 127-mile sand bar off the coast of New Jersey to act as a natural barrier to protect his state from the next superstorm. To appease Republicans he’s calling it the Liberty Sand Bar & Grill.
Many residents fear the dune will become a boardwalk. To these critics Christie said, “I have no interest in building anything other than a dune. I don’t want to build a road, I don’t want to build a shower, I don’t want to build a hut.” He then recited the second half of Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham, adlibbing at times with gems like, “I will not build it in a ditch, I will not build it on some bitch. I will not build a dock or tram, I’m not building shit, so F^&%ing scram!”
According to witnesses, the Governor then turned green, picked up the nearest vehicle, and hurled into an adjacent building.
After calming down, he recited part of Churchill’s speech, “We will fight storms on the beaches, and the landing grounds, yada yada.” He then later warned, “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t vote for me when I’m angry.”