Why I Refuse to Vote in Afghani Elections to Enjoy Some Allah-Approved Domestic Violence

Kabul, Afghanistan – An estimated “shit load” of Afghans turned out for elections on August 19th, despite the inherent dangers.  However, a growing number of locals are fed up with democracy and are looking back nostalgically at Taliban rule.

“Why vote for the next American puppet?” said Abiba Azizi, pictured above. “I miss the good old days of Sharia Law.  They used to chop the heads off of gay people right in the field before sporting events.  The Taliban used to kick some of these heads around the field like soccer balls.  Oh, how I miss their carefree hijinks.”

When asked why her finger was purple if she didn’t vote, Abiba said, “This is the way my finger always looks after my husband slams it repeatedly in the door.”

When concerns were raised about her current interview without her husband’s permission, she replied, “As long as I follow strict Sharia Law, the lashings usually aren’t too bad.”

At the close of the interview, Abiba was complimented on her burkha.  She replied, “Burkha?  I’m not wearing a Burkha. I’m just a little black and blue from my last affront to Allah.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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